Friday, December 28, 2007
Ok. So I went to the doctors office again today after my cardiologist appt yesterday. Apparently my doctor believes I have an overactive thyroid. She explained that there is a chance I could have Graves' Disease. What she thought was odd however was that this is usually found in woman and not too often in men. Treatment for this can be somewhat extensive but I have some options. First one would be to just take some medication. Not a big deal. Second would be to have radioactive iodine put into my bloodstream. Not so much fun. The other option is to have it surgically fixed. Not my cup of tea.
I have scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist to get my thyroid checked out. Its not until the end of the month so I have a while sit and wait to see what is really wrong with me.
My doctor took more blood today from me to do further testing on my thyroid. Everything was going well and all the blood was taken that was needed. I had warned my doctor about the time when I gave blood that I have had a history of passing out. She took this into account and layed me down. Well I thought I was fine so I stood up and walked towards the desk clerk person to schedule my next appointment when all of a sudden I didn't feel so well. I told the clerk lady this when the next thing I realize is that I am on the floor with 5 nurses above me. Yep I passed out. I felt a large pain on two areas of my head. On my forehead and the back of my head. I remember waking up and just being so pissed at myself that I passed out...AGAIN! I have a permanent scar on my lip when I passed out giving blood a separate time and I fell face forward smacking my face off the floor causing my front teeth to go through my lip. So much fun.
So at this point I still am not sure where I passed out at. I finally sit up and realize I am in the waiting room with an entire room of patients looking at me. Slightly embarrassed I ask the doctor if I can be moved into another room while I recuperate. So she did as I asked. Apparently when I passed out, I was leaning over a desk window thing, so I smacked my forehead on the desk then fell back hitting my head on the floor.
I now feel like crap with the worst headache of my life. But it is all ok because I get to see my bf after not seeing him for a week. I am very excited!
Oh, I am also HIV-! Holler for me!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Is it nice to be home? Sort of. I think I have limited myself to only one day here though because boredom sets in at 6 hours. I went for two drives today to get away. I was reminded on my first drive that amish people are still real and are not a part of my imagination. I feel so bad for them this time of year freezing their little butts in their horse drawn buggies. My second drive was to WalMart at 1130 at night. Sadly it was closed.
I am counting down the hours til I get to go back home to Pittsburgh.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Well I went to the doctors office today for my first physical in about 5 or 6 years. I have been having alot of health issues so I needed to get my butt to see a doctor. Well there are some definite things wrong with me. Apparently I have a really fast heart rate. I guess the average is 60-100 beats per minute and I am at 120 beats per minute. This is very unhealthy for someone my age. I also have some sort of tremors. My hands are almost constantly shaking and recently the shaking has been moving into my head and neck. My family has a history of Parkinson's Disease so I am really worried that is what it is. I am scheduled to meet with a neurologist in the next few weeks. I am also scheduled to meet with a cardiologist so he can to an echo cardiogram. I have no idea what that is, but as long as it is covered by my insurance I dont care. Hopefully everything turns out not to be a huge problem. I will be keeping my fingers crossed. I also got an HIV test! I am not worried for that though, I am not that big of a whore, so I am sure that it will be negative.
I am exchanging gifts with the bf tomorrow morning before he leaves me for a week. Hopefully we got me all the wonderful things I asked for. Otherwise he wont get any sex from me for at least 3 days. Well probably only for 2 days because I start to go through withdrawal if its any longer than that.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! Drive safe and eat lots of food. I will continue to blog starting next Friday once I am back at work.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
A quick side note about my biological father. My mother and him never got married. I was an "accident" that wasn't supposed to happen. My earliest memory which I am thankful for was that last time I actually saw my father. At the age of 1, was the last time my father and myself came into contact. And I remember briefly that occurrence.
I am not sure if the latter of the two things really affect this but I at least no a lot of my other insecurities are because of him.
Last night the bf could tell something was on my mind. My issue came out shortly after having an awkward sex session. I wont go into detail about that, but the fact that I am always worried about other people, and in that case my bf, caused it. So after him being persistent finally got me to say what was really on my mind.
I told him that I believe he feels that I smother him. I don't think I give him anytime to breath or have time to himself for the most part. I honestly enjoy seeing him everyday. He is my breathe of fresh air. It is known that I absolutely hate my job, and I don't really like being at my apt because of my roommate and her 4 cats. So when I get to see him, it is the one positive thing in my life that I have going.
I need to start giving him the space he deserves. I don't want to ruin this relationship because I am not allowing him to have a life outside this relationship. I will probably attempt to not see him everyday like we have for the 6 months.
Honestly no one wants to hear I need a break from you and we need to not be so dependent on each other. I think he wants to say these things but doesn't because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He leaves on Saturday to go his parents house on the opposite side of Pennsylvania so we will be apart for that time. When he gets back is when I have to start to be more independent and understand that we need some on/off time for the both of us.
As for me, I need to start to find happiness and positivity in some other aspect in my life so I don't continue to strain what I have worked 6 months to grow.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I have had a new obsession as of late. There is a movie that will be coming out on January 18 called Cloverfield. It is supposed to be a monster movie similar to Godzilla. There is a ton of hype around this movie because the producer J.J. Abrams is the producer for the TV show Lost. Well something I never knew about that show, is that there are hidden clues throughout the episodes, which viewers can find and research them on the internet which will give further information to help figure out secrets on the show.
Well the same is with this movie. It all started in the first preview of the movie when it was shown before the movie Transformers. During this preview someone in the movie was wearing a shirt that said Slusho which led viewers who looked this up in Google to a site dedicated to the Slusho drink. After much research of the site, it led people to another site called Tagruato. Which led people to another site and so on. All of this gives a fair amount of clues and information about the movie.
Its pretty interesting stuff I must say. If you are a big nerd like myself and enjoy this sort of movie and website analysis, it can provide hours of endless entertainment trying to decipher information. Just thought I would share what has been keeping me busy as of late since I have absolutely no work to do.
Monday, December 17, 2007
The big Christmas party went very well too. A gaggle of gays in a big ol house. What better time can you ask for. I drank pop*also known as soda to you weirdos* all night which gave me a horrible stomach ache. I have mostly cut pop out of my diet except or the occasional glass here and there. It was very nice to see all the people I miss so very much. There is another gay couple that I am very good friends with that we got to hang out with , and it is nice to hang out with another couple finally. One of them actually reads my blog. Hello Greg! We went to lunch on Sunday before making the trek back to Pittsburgh, and after eating, the bf mentioned how nice it is to actually hang out with another gay couple. None of our friends here are dating anyone. I am not sure if that is my choice or not, but we would like to do dinner dates if anyone is interested.
Sunday was also the 6 month anniversary for the bf and I! And you know what we did to celebrate. Absolutely nothing. Both of us are a little strapped for cash since it is around the holiday season so we opted to not really do anything but relax at home and celebrate that fact that we got there safely. It snowed a ton on the way back from Erie, and as I said before, I am not very good at driving in the snow. But I managed not to kill us. Yay for me...and him. We almost didnt even have hot sweaty nasty man sex, but around 11pm, I decided to let him know I wasnt leaving without it. So we did it. I thanked him. He seemed mad because I didnt stay a little longer to cuddle afterwards but it was already 11:30 and I had a ton of stuff to do at my house before I went to sleep. So I left with the sense that I just had a dirty hookup, but really, it was just a sexual romp with my sexy man minus the cuddling. I went home fulfilled and we both slept a little better that night because of it.
Happy 6 to my man lover! Hope there are many more to follow. Muah!
Friday, December 14, 2007
I am worried this weekend isnt going to go as planned though. Supposedly, Erie is supposed to get hit with a snow storm that is going to plant almost a foot of snow on the ground. It is well known by all my friends that I am not the best driver. I have a lead foot and lots of road rage. I am even a worst driver in the snow because I one too many times put my cars in ditches along side the road. It addition to my poor driving skills, my car isnt the best car to take to go for a ride in the snow. Its a sporty coupe that just has all season tires on it. I counted getting stuck in the snow last year 8 times. Each time, my good friend Dan had to come and drag my sorry ass out of the snow with his manly SUV.
So with that said, if the snow is bad on Saturday afternoon I will be skipping the christmas party that night. I will be disappointed but I dont want to risk my life or more importantly my bf's life just so I can sing Silent Night around a piano surrounded by Erie's fabulous gays. Hopefully the weather isnt too horrible. If you dont hear from me in a few days, you know why. Hopefully that doesnt happen.
Which reminds me of this. Do you ever feel like you have an idea of how and when you are going to die? I actually do. For some demented reason I have a feeling I am going to die young. And I am going to die in a car. I have no real reason for this, but I have always felt this way. My bf hates when I bring it up, but I cant help it. It is my destiny.
Have a great weekend y'all!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
As I opened the glove box I awaited something to jump out at me. Much to my surprise nothing jumped out at me, but yet there was an envelope that said...."Jeff, Open Me" At this point I still had no clue what it was. Once I opened up the envelope, I was very surprised to find a OneRepublic ticket!
Now let me remind you that my bf even told me its not really in his nature to be romantic or do really sweet things. I am fine with that. It lets me be the romantic one in the relationship. But it is always a really sweet surprise when he does something sweet like that.
A few weekends ago, I awoke from a post drunken state, and uttered that I was in the mood for a grilled cheese sandwich and chips. This is not something new as I am always saying that I am in the mood for brownies or grilled cheese. However, this time that I said it, I actually got it. The bf got up out of bed and 15 minutes later he came back with a plate filled with grilled cheese and chips *which he stole from his roommate*. Once again I was pleasantly surprised. Normally if he is gone for that long he is doing some chore or something.
It makes me realize I haven't done anything exceptionally sweet for him recently. Looks like its time to do so.
Do something sweet for someone. It will make their day!
Monday, December 10, 2007
After it was all said and done the last guy showed me where my office would be. It was a corner office with huge windows overlooking the entire city!! After seeing that I knew I wold have to get this job. I should hear back from them in about two weeks. I will keep everyone posted.
Friday, December 7, 2007
It is definitely nice to know that we are now on the same page. I was definitely feeling as if my feelings for him were way too strong. And it sucks to like someone or in my case love someone when they dont feel that same connection. But knowing we feel the same way about each other is a good comforting feeling.
The next day we talked about the whole love thing, and he said that he was scared to have these feelings because every time he has felt this way he got hurt in the end.
Although I cannot promise our relationship will be forever, but what I can promise is that I would never hurt him the way others in his past have.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Tomorrow it will be a day for just him and I. I was planning on taking him to the Pittsburgh Aviary because they are currently doing some sort of program where you pay so much money and then you can play with the penguins. I was very excited for this because it is something I thought we could both enjoy. Well I found out that you have to make arrangements 3 weeks in advance. Which I didnt do. So now I have nothing to do for him but take him to dinner.
I cant think of anything else to write.
Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Normally my brothers whom are all pretty young being 15 and younger like to team up and make fun of me. Usually it starts off by them telling me I smell then if luck is on my side, they remind me that I like to kiss boys. And I do. Alot. I have never had a conversation with them about my homosexuality. They are far to young to swallow that fact that their brother, well, swallows. But only if I like you. But they are too young to really understand. By them telling me that I am gay and that I kiss boys *if they only knew what I else I do to boys!*, I know that my parents have to talk about it when I am not around. I can only hope that when they do talk about the gay son that they do so in a positive manner as my little brothers are obviously listening. On a better note though, they didnt make any gay references to me for the 3 days that I was there. I was shocked and a little relieved. It always makes me feel a little uncomfortable when they do.
My mom asked about my boyfriend alot while I was there. I appreciate her interest in this aspect of my life. Although she still refers to him only as my friend because she just cant muster up the courage to actually say my boyfriend. Its ok though. Babysteps.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I will probably not be able to blog until Monday or Tuesday because of this, so that's why I have been posting like a mad man to make sure you all have something to read. So I suggest reading one post a day so that will last you til next week.
Until then, Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
I can only hope that I am as positive as her during that point in my life and career. She came to work everyday with a smile on her face and an attitude that everyone would enjoy. And on every Thursday she would come with a cake, cookies, or brownies in hand for the whole office to indulge in. She made work fun and you almost want to come into work the next day. I want to be that person who makes their day go a little easier.
Just think how much more happier would be if you were the person that they enjoy to work with. Make them laugh, fill them with knowledge, and encourage them to work hard. It all pays off in the end.
One thing that I was not to happy about was when she asked me what I knew about the company. Obviously this should have a been an easy question. However, every single job interview I have had before this, I have always done research on the company. I familiarized myself with their board members, stock prices, products, etc. But to this day I have never been asked what I knew about the company. Therefore I didn't do much research. None actually. I only knew one fact about that company and that was it. So naturally, I had to make up so much bullshit and make it sound intelligent. But I guess that is what job interviewing is all about anyways right?
I hate interviewing. It makes me sweaty and nervous. I am good at it but I still hate it.
I found out yesterday that I have moved to the next stage of interviews. I am not sure when that will be though. I will definitely remember to do some more research on this company.
3. GEMINI - Irresistible(the Twins - 21 May - 21 June)
* Love is one of a kind.
* Great listener.
* Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out.
* Always happy.
* Extremely random and proud of it.
* Loves to make friends.
* Has a beautiful smile.
* The Irresistible one.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Moving on to the topic of today. Sorry bf you probably wont like this one. Because of the fact that the bf reads my blog he obviously knows how I feel about him. He knows that I fell in love with him and just how much I love it when he laughs. I think love is an amazing thing. I think its rare and beautiful. It changes lives for the better and for the worst. I actually want to get the word Love tattooed on my side under my arm. Therefore I dont throw around the Love word often. I use it only when I mean it. I have only used that word with my family, a few friends, and only in one relationship.
I think when someone chooses to use that word in a relationship that it definitely should signify where you are within that relationship. When someone can finally be their true self in front of someone without worrying what the other person may think is a big deal. When I would do anything that I could do for someone is a big deal. When I want nothing more but to wake up with someone in my arms every morning thats a big deal. These are all the things I think of when I think of Love, well my type of Love. And I think Love is a big deal.
Therefore when I know I am in Love, and I want to tell my significant other, I want it to be a special moment. I dont just want to say it on the phone at a random moment or if we are just joking around. I said before that I am a die hard romantic. So obviously I have to make it a romantic moment. However, due to the fact that my bf does read my blog, he has brought it to my attention that he knows that I do in fact Love him. He brought it up on Saturday by saying "You Loooove me"!! It a joking manner. It actually caught me a little of guard. He has said it a few other times as well. He has not of course said it back. Fine with me. I want someone to say it only when they mean it.
I did not tell him how I really felt about him yet because there is nothing worse than telling someone you Love them and hearing nothing in return. I know the feeling is not that strong yet for him and I do not have a problem with that, say it when you are ready and actually mean it. Although I still have not told him I Love him, I have just said "Sooo" or just say nothing and smile when he says "You looove me". I can still have that special moment when I finally decide to tell him, but a it wont be that same moment I was hoping for.
So now for the past 6 days I have seen the progression of this icky cold. My colds always happen the same way.
Day 1: Wake up with sore throat.
Day 2: Wake up with sore throat and sniffly nose
Day 3: Wake up with sore throat and full congested nose
Day 4: Wake up with not so sore throat, congested nose, and a whimper of a cough
Day 5: Wake up with congested nose and occasional cough
Day 6: Wake up with congested nose and full on loud as a motorcycle cough
Thats basically where I am at this point. I tried extremely hard to not cough on the bus on the way to work this morning and it was torture. No one ever wants to be the sick one in a room full of people, so I held back my urge to sniffle and cough. Not only could I not breathe out of my nose, but my cough started to make me squirm in my seat. I could only last about 5 minutes before I let out my lions roar of a cough. Of course everyone looked at me with their faces lit in horror that they now are going to catch my cold. Because of this I walked around the bus and coughed and sneezed on each person. It was like a game of tag. Instead of saying tag you're it. I said tag you're sick. Hehe. Fuck off. I am sick, leave me alone.
I fortunately got to call of sick on Friday due to my airborne and highly contagious cold. So I got to sleep until 11 a.m. and then watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model on MTV for the next 4 hours. I now know how to walk down a run way like Ms. Jay. Well, lets be honest, I was able to walk like that before this show anyways.
Now its time for a little rant about MTV. Sure they dont play music videos anymore. That sucks. Sure they play reruns of the same show over and over again. But please God, if I see one more commercial with Alicia Keys I am going to cut off my ears then pry out my eyeballs with a shiny stainless steel spoon. I am by no means exaggerating when I say that they play a commercial with Alicia Keys in it at least twice per commercial break. Once in the beginning and just in case you forgot who she was, one at the end. This happened EVERY commercial break for 4 hours!!! Of course when the bf and I switched on MTV on Sunday to watch A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, there she was, Alicia at her finest, twice a commercial break. WTF MTV, you are making people hate her instead of like her. I will now not listen to any of her songs for at least 2 years. Good Marketing strategy idiots.
Monday, November 12, 2007
The second night we went to see Armin Van Buuren at Ibiza nightclub. It was a very large beautiful nightclub. Coat check line was insane and expensive. $5 for someone to put your coat on a hanger is frankly outrageous. Next time I plan to freeze my ass off while I wait to get in the door. I decided not to drink that night mostly for the fact that drinks are $12 a glass, and I am saving up to buy the bf a nice b-day gift. So we danced in the over crowded nightclub. They let way too many people in therefore dancing consisted of swaying from side to side. Fun. I was doin my hardcore swayin when I noticed that the bf was getting into an argument with someone. I of course worked my way through the crowd to get to him and started to scream at one of the guys that were arguing with him. I dont know why I said what I said, I am guessing to scare him. I quote, " You are fucking with the wrong people tonight, I suggest you back off!" I guess thats the first thing that came to my mind. Although we did have 5 people in our group all who are pretty big guys. So I think he got the idea.
Later on in the night there was a another fight ensuing right next to my and the bf and I immediately got between the people fighting and him. I just wanted to make sure he wasnt going to get hit my a stray fist or push. I would have much rather taken the hit them him getting it. This reminds me of the day when I was in a fight and he tried to pull me away from the other guy. Well thats when I got punched in the face. I guess we have different ways of handling these situations. My reaction is to man up and defend my man, and his is to try to avoid confrontation at all costs. They both work, I like mine better.
I really hope this goes well. I am fairly decent at interviewing, so hopefully I can woo them with my background. I think the only thing hindering me is the fact that I am quitting thise job to go to that one and I have only worked here for 5 months. This new job will mean alot of things for me. I will get to stay in Pittsburgh. I will get to move out of my apt and away from my retched roommate which may mean I get to find a place to live with the bf! I will have more financial security cause it pays more which is always nice. But ultimately I will be able to hopefully start a long term career. No one likes jumping from job to job. I want a career that I love and that will fulfill me. Hopefully this will be that for me. That is of course if I get offered the job.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I am pretty excited about this trek to DC. I messaged an old friend whom I was best friends with in my college that I attended 3 years ago before I transferred. He lives in DC near Capital Hill and that's where I will be staying. I haven't seen him since the beginning of the year so it will be nice to catch up with him.
Also, while on my commute to downtown this morning, one of my sisters called me. My relationship with this sister is odd, because we are the exact same age, but out of all my sisters I talk to her the least so I definitely thought something must be wrong since she is calling me at 7:45 in the morning. It turns out that she is also going to DC this weekend. She lives in Pittsburgh like me, so its odd that we are both going there for the weekend. I am hoping we can hang out and then she can finally meet my bf. :)
I am leaving for DC at 1:30 today! I am driving so I hope I do not fall asleep at the wheel which is quite possible with how tired I am today.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
I have not done one ounce of work yet today. I have no ambition when no one is here. This makes for time for me to read blogs and find things to do in other cities. Holy Crap. I almost forgot. Today doesnt fully suck because one of my websites that I frequented that had been blocked a few months ago....is no longer blocked. Perez Hilton has once again entered my life on my 14 inch work laptop screen. This made my day. It just isnt the same visiting his site on my little blackberry screen.
I have been eating the same lunch all this week and I stocked up on all the same lunch foods for next week too. Nothing to me is better than milano cookies, tastykake chocolate donuts, a bag of pretzels, and a Bowl Appetite *Which is amazing for only $1.50 at your local Target. I am bound to get tired of this lunch by Tuesday. That sux.
At the gym yesterday some gym-goer was pooping their pants as they pumped iron. I would be on my 3rd rep of my preacher curls and all a sudden some sort of funktastic poo smell would overwhelm me . It was so bad I would look around to see people gagging. Which of course made me start gagging. It was that bad. Some fuh reek was queefing an abnormal, sour, poo laced stinker from his/her butt. Naturally you would move to a different end of the gym to remove yourself from the stinky cloud of musk. It would be fine smelling the natural smells of the gym. Hot mens sweating in their manly jockish outfits. The natural smell of testosterone is quite enjoyable sometimes. But somehow this aroma filled the gym. People were looking around trying to pin point the anti-glade plugin, but somehow they disguised themselves as a regular person. Asshole. I think it was the angertwink in the corner. You would never guess it was him. Good disguise. If your ass drops something in your underwear in the gym, at least you can own it. Say "Thats right motherfuckers, that came from my ass!" Be proud of your bodily air. Good or bad. Its only fair.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Now what sucks about this whole thing is that we both went into this basically just to check things out and have fun. We both decided that it is not the smartest thing to move in together yet. Mainly for financial reasons but also because we dont want to make the mistake of moving in together too soon. He feels that once he moves in with someone that they basically are married. I sort of agree, but for me I never think of it being that extreme. Even if I were married I would act the same way. I am dedicated to someone even if there isnt a ring on my finger. But I definitely understand his point of view. Its just nice to think about being able to see him everyday and wake up next to each other every morning.
This also reminds of a conversation I heard over the weekend about people being clingy. I never thought about it much, but I think I am definitely clingy. Which is very much a bad thing. I am not sure what makes a clingy person clingy, but I am sure that I am. Poop.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The bf seemed to be a weird mood last night. A good weird though. After our drive back to Pittsburgh from DC we stayed at his place so we could watch the movie "300"*amazing by the way*, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters. I know I know. But we are gay so its ok. He was just in a big cuddly warm mood. I love when he gets like that. I am all about being romantic and lovey and stuff. Its just me. He however is not really like that. So when he is, I get excited and it makes my day.
So after I left his place to go back to mine I just thought about how lucky I a really am for finding someone. I read peoples blogs that are trying to find someone, and it just makes me feel so fortunate. The past 4 months have made me develop some serious feelings for him. I know at this point I would love to wake up next to him every morning and fall asleep with him every night. I want to be the person that makes him happy and laugh.
I am falling in love.
So. My weekend in DC went pretty well. Normal weekend overall. Dressed up in my referee costume on Friday.*Ill post pics in the next few days!* Went to a party where they had the strongest jungle juice I have ever had. Proceeded to go to Apez, the DC gay club. Good times. The manager of the club apparently is from Pittsburgh and somehow found out we were all from the Burgh. He gave us all a free shot of Tequila. This was the beginning of the end for me. I knocked back the liquid death and searched around for the nearest chaser. My RedBull vodka was the only thing I could find. Whatev, it worked. I didnt puke. Well not yet anyway. I almost must inform you that we were the ONLY ones in costume in this club. Apparently not very many people like to get in costume for halloween. Thank god our costumes screamed SEX. Otherwise I am sure we would have got weird stares.
It wasnt until I got back to our hotel that things started not to work in my favor. I walked in the door and unleashed my fury in the bathroom. I puked up all that nights activities. Jungle Juice, Rum & Coke, RebBull Vodka, and of course, the loved Tequila. Which is now on my hate list. I hate puking up liqour. It burns like the flames from hell. So me mixed with puking, being drunk, tired, and in a bad mood, for some reason all those things made me cry. I have no idea why. I hate showing that emotion in front of other people. My bf was there to hold my hair as I hurled up my alcohol. Luckily my hair is short so there is nothing to really hold onto. But he rubbed my back and continued to be a good bf. As much as I hate having someone eatch me puke, its always nice to have someone there still.
This is turning out to be a long post. Sorry.
The next day we went to DuPont Circle. Nothing to exciting. I could eat lunch or drink anything but water. My stomach was still up in arms over the endurance test I put it through the night before. Went to the gym in the hotel, yacked immediatly following. I knew that was going to happen but I had no choice but to workout. I was going to be wearing basically next to nothing for tonights costume. My wrestling singlet was so short my butt kept falling out of it. Eew. I know. But I have a nice booty so it wasnt too bad. I froze my ass off all night at the party. My group of friends costumes were as follows: Wrestler *Me!, Robin from batman and robin*the bf, a pirate, a sailor, and a fambloyant soldier. Fun Fun. My favorite costume at the party at our friends rooftop penthouse, was a man dressed in a muslim womans bourka. Yeah not too funny yet. Well he would lift up the bourka though he was wearing some really sexy womans underwear a garter belt fishnet stalkings and heels. What was he you ask? A Muslim prostitute. He kept walking around making those noises the terrorist people made after 9/11. Remember. Funny stuff. So naturally some really funny and completly inappropriate pictures were taken. Ex. Muslim prostitue giving head to a soldier. Muslim prostiture being shot my soldier execution style, etc, etc.
Night ended. I was freezing. The bf and I went back to the hotel alone! I thought we were going to have the place to ourselves. So we did what two gay men that are dating normally do. Until one of our friends walked in. In mid thrust, and my bfs legs in the air, we stopped. My friend was so drunk he didnt even realize what was happening. Fun.
That is my weekend in DC. Cant wait to go back again in two weeks!
And bloggers spellcheck isnt working so I am assuming I misspelled alot of words and now cant fix them. Ahwell.
Monday, October 22, 2007
So moving on to the insults portion of this post. I was warned by my boyfriend that one of his friends who I havent met yet, will probably test my buttons to see how I will react to their comments. Well I finally met them Saturday night and needless to say she pushed the wrong buttons. Its one thing to be funny and say smart ass comments. I can handle that. But when someone insults me, its not acceptable. So this girl said many things to me that made me upset. Not only did she say I am weird and dance weird *no one insults my dancing!*, but she said that my boyfriend can do better than me! Yeah I know! She is obviously a bitch. So she said those things and I was waiting for a smile or a laugh from her, and I got nothing. Actually, right after she said those things she just walked away. I was stunned and pissed. So on the way back home, I told the bf what had occurred and he proceeded to defend her!
I was quite hurt that he would do that. Now I didnt tell him everything she had said to me, because the statement that he could do better than me really hit my heart for some reason. So I left that out. So he continued to defend her and actually started to back up his defense by talking about how my brothers were tackling him while we were playing basketball. Stupid I know! Long story short he kept on asking me what other stuff what said and I told him. I think he felt bad after that, and assured me he doesnt feel that way and apologized. By that point I was already over the situation. But I knew he felt bad. Thats all that matters to me.
I am writing this post from Milwaukee, WI. Its not so bad here. I went downtown for dinner at a place called Kil@Wat. It was really amazing. It was very trendy and fun. Food was amazing. If you are ever in Milwaukee, check it out. It still sucks to be alone in a different city though. Eating alone and sleeping in a big bed alone really reminds you that you are by yourself. Ugh.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Kentucky wasn't nearly as bad as I envisioned. I was about two blocks away from the University of Kentucky so I always had nice eye candy to look at. Within two miles was a huge mall and all types of restaurants. Cant complain much about my stay there. They actually have better radio stations there than they do in Pittsburgh.
Now, moving on with what the title of this post has to do with. Tomorrow I am driving up north to see my parents. No big deal. EXCEPT I am bringing the bf with me. I told my mom I was bringing him a few days ago. I prefaced that with telling her that we are sort of looking for a place together too*which by the way isn't happening for a while because of money problems*. So once I told her we were looking to move in with one another I told her I was bringing him with me to see them. There was silence for about 10 seconds and she replied "So you must really like him then?" I of course said I do and that's why I want them to meet him. I told her she needs to make us her world famous french toast for brunch. She agreed. Fun Fun Fun. This is the first time I am letting them meet someone while we are both acknowledging he is my boyfriend. This is very exciting to me.
It is not as exciting for my boy though. He is extremely nervous. I assured him that it will be no different then meeting a friends parents, but I can still sort of understand his anxiety. I haven't seen my parents since the beginning of July. I have never gone that long without seeing them. I really miss them and I cant wait to meet the person who is making my life happy now.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Higher State of Consciousness (TV Rock & Dirty South Remix)
3. JJ Flores & Steve Smooth
Deep Inside These Walls **This is a very HOT video if you like looking at sexy women like I do!
4. Alex Gaudino feat. Crystal Waters
The bf really wants me to move out of my apt. He hates my roommate almost as much as I do. He hates the 4 cats that she owns and the fact that they shed all over my stuff. So he is always looking for new places around Pittsburgh. He knows I cant afford anywhere by myself and that I need a roommate. We both agreed that we would wait a year before we would consider moving in together. However, it appears he has changed his mind because he said that we should look for a place together cause "there is no point beating around the bush." Well I cannot agree more. I think we are very good together and we both want this for the long term. He found this amazing loft in a very trendy part of Pittsburgh that is very fitting for us. I really look forward to see how soon this happens. We are both a little strapped for cash at the moment, cause he just bought a new car, and my brother borrowed alot of money from me. But its exciting to think about starting a life with him, his ferrets, and a dog that want to buy once we move.
Friday, October 12, 2007
The Good News....Two of my best friends from Erie, PA *my old home, will be coming down to visit me this weekend. They are a young gay couple whom I met at work. *Hint: For those that like trivia, it is the second largest company in the US. Good Luck* I will be showing them the hot spots around Pittsburgh. They are far and few between but I know where to go. On another high note, my little sister who started college this year in South Carolina will be coming to Pittsburgh this weekend as well. Yay for me!
The bad news....I am in Kentucky all next week so I wont be able to blog as much cause I actually have to do work while I am there. Then after next week I am in Milwaukee for that whole week. Stinkers, I know. So blogging will not happen as frequent for a while, but I will still drop by at night and post a little something from my hotel.
Have a good Weekend Peeps!
So I figured for fun I thought I would ask everyone who reads this to tell me where you are from, how old you are, and any additional info about you as well.
I explained to him that he is just having trouble moving on and told him that I would not ever go back to him and that he has nothing to worry about. I can definitely understand why he would be upset and so I am going to tell my ex to back off a bit because I dont want him to put a strain on my current relationship. Its not fair to my current bf or to myself.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Recently the bf and I went on the search for nothing other than some good ol' lube. I had probably the worst type of lubricant known to man. Equate Lubrication purchased from Wal Mart for the bargain price of 4 dollars. I didnt care what I bought when I purchased that because thats when I wasnt having sex anyways, so I didnt care. It was clumpy, thick, and sticky as all hell. So as I said we needed to go shopping. And shopping at no other than the amazing porn store. Best selection of lube ever! I went initially wanting a spray-on lube to help with the messiness of getting it on your hands and other places. After talking with a very knowledgeable worker on the ins and outs of lube I quickly changed my preference. I was informed that silicone based is the best because it allows you to use it in water. Holler! The Bf wanted the brand Wet. That is what he uses and its just so-so. They have a platinum version of the lube though. He talked me into getting it. $15 for a tiny bottle. I guess I never really knew the prices of good lube cause I was shocked at the price tag. Needless to say, it is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! I dont know how to describe it, but it is unlike any other lube I have tested. The best part is, is that you dont need to use much at all. A few drops here and there and you can have 2 minutes of pure ecstasy.
For all those on the market for some lubrication I highly suggest it.
I do however want to tell my workmate. We have really bonded over the past few months. We both hate our job and want to quit pretty soon. He tells me everything that is going on in his life and I have to makeup stuff about stuff that is going on in mine. Its not fair to him or myself to continue to not tell the truth. He is very religious, but I think he would still be accepting. I just wish people would ask me if I am gay. It would make this coming out thing so much easier. But I guess my burly man image just hides it to well.*I wish that were true
So in the meantime I guess this is where I can urge others to take the plunge that I have yet to take. So go ahead, tell the world you're gay, and in about 8 months wear nothing but a rainbow speedo on a float and celebrate your outness at Gay Pride!
Just a little FYI for the heritage of National Coming Out Day:
National Coming Out Day was founded by Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary on October 11, 1988 in celebration of the first gay march on Washington D.C. a year earlier. The purpose of the march and of National Coming Out Day is to promote government and public awareness of gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender rights and to celebrate homosexuality.
Now go spread the word of the gay.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Is my hair still brown? Yes
What type of shoes am I wearing? Diesel
When was the last time I had sex? Sunday....Twice
What is my favorite day of the week? Friday
Do I trim? *Wasnt sure about what exactly she meant about this one, but I said yes anyways.
Am I in love? On my way there
Am I a pitcher or a catcher? Prefer to pitch but can catch on occasion
Favorite fast food place? McDonalds
Do I still want to have sex with my friend who asked me all these questions? Always and forever!
Well now all of you know a little more about me.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Since she already knows, I should just say one day on the phone, "Hey Gurl, I have a new boyfriend. And we have been dating for almost 4 months." And just be silent. Well, maybe leave the hey gurl part out. I hope sometime soon I can start to be open with all of my life, and not just the boring stuff.
It was way too crowded. It was the Bfs first time at the zoo so I wanted him to really enjoy it. It was hard when we couldn't get to the viewing windows because there were so many people. It doesn't help that he is a little on the short side too therefore he couldn't even see over peoples heads like I can. Not only was it crowded, but it was HOT as hell. It didn't help that I was wearing a new black t-shirt from Andrew Christian. I also bought a nice fun jockstrap. Sorry. I digress. The aquarium portion of the zoo was the most crowded. Way too crowded for the fish as well. I just knew the fish were laughing, because as ironic as it was, we looked like sardines smashed in a can. The fish loved it. We did not.
See what I mean. Free Doesn't always Mean Good.
I actually didn't want to end the post so abruptly, but I lost the desire to continue to keep writing.
I am glad this was something that we both agreed could be easily fixed. I agreed to not pick things apart and try to keep negative comments to myself when it comes to food. He still feels uneasy about making any decisions which I am trying to change. There was no yelling, actually me being very quiet and not saying much consumed most of the time. It also helped that I was drunk because it gave me the opportunity to bring up a few other things that were bothering me. Such as him making plans to hang out with me, then sort of ditching me. Whatev, no big deal though. So after all that conversing about me being to picky, we had great sex. Probably the best so far. I was happy. He was happy too. We slept happily ever after.
***Note. Picky Paula originates from a cute little thing the Bf and I do. Instead of just calling the other grouchy, crabby, mean, or smelly, we attach people names to them to make it that much more fun. So there is Horny Harrison, Silly Sally, Demanding Deborah, Tired Timmy, and of course Picky Paula.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I talked to the bf this morning about it when he called me because there was a rock slide and he was going to be about an hour late for work. He knows I rarely get a full nights sleep and suggests that I get some sort of medication to help. My mind just runs as soon as my head hits the pillow. I cant stop from thinking about really anything from the bf, family, work, fisting. Well maybe not fisting. I have really tried many remedies that I have read online. I tried breathing techniques, reading, listening to music, and nothing works. It sucks because I am tired all damn day but as soon as its time for me to sleep I am wide awake.
I need some damn sleep.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
So I am going to start my protein shakes today and my vitamens. I plan to workout at least 4 days a week. Hopefully I can accomplish my goal. I can build muscle pretty easily so I hope I can get the results I want.
Not only do I want to be more healthy, but I want to be more positive. I have found myself complaining and bitching way too much. I am going to attempt to let things go and try to not let things get to me as much. Being negative isnt very fun.
Wish me luck!
Moving on. My wonderful boyfriend and I had another great weekend together. However there were some instances where I felt uneasy about a few things. First things first. Saturday night was a boardgame night with all my gays and myself. Its nice to stay in every so often and skip the bar scene. So at a sex toy party a few months ago, I bought a game called Who's the Biggest Pervert. It was definitely a fun game to play, but when you have your current boyfriend with you and your boyfriends ex there, things come out that you dont want to hear.
My boyfriends ex is also his best friend, which I don't feel any jealousy or anything and he has assured me that nothing would ever happen between the two of them again. So I am completely fine with their current relationship. However while we were playing this game, the ex would tell stories about their past sex life. And not just any regular sex stories, but wild and crazy sort of sex stories. At this point I felt completely uncomfortable. I am not sure if it was jealousy or what but I know I dont want to hear about stuff like that. It sucks cause it was my fault it was brought up anyways because I brought the game.
The other problem I am having is that my boyfriend tells me horrible things have happened in his life. These things have effected him so much that he has lost that sense of sad emotion causing him to lose the ability to cry. Curious about this, I brought it up and he said he doesnt like to talk about it cause it makes him depressed. So I am not sure if it is me being selfish or not, but I still would like to know what happened to him only because maybe I can get a better understanding of why he acts certain ways or handles certain situations. I have opened up about much of my life and certainly I have had some pretty bad things happen in my life as well. But I feel that if i want to fall in love with someone I want to know all about them. I know I dont want to push the subject, so hopefully he will decide to open up a little more cause I am really falling for him.
Friday, September 28, 2007
After shopping, I thought we would go for a walk around the North Shore along the river so he can see the city and the fountain at The Point. He would randomly sit on the sidewalk, Indian style *criss-crossed is the new term, and pull me down next to him and put his head on my arm. Can he be any cuter! He saw some ducks and immediately started quacking scaring them all away. He didnt want to leave putting up a good fight trying to stay but I was hungry and wanted some Shrek cereal.
The rest of the night went pretty well. The season premiere of Grey's Anatomy was on, and I am addicted so I attempted to watch that as he played with his cars on the floor. He is very well behaved and I am very thankful for that.
Overall it was a great experience for me. I know that I would need to keep a stock of RedBulls around because I dont have the energy to keep up with kids. I think I need another 5 years before I really consider becoming a dad.