Friday, March 28, 2008

Easter Bunny

I am still trying to catch up my blog with what has been going on in my life. This has not been an easy feat because my memory is continuing to get worse so recollecting what happened yesterday let alone a week ago is pretty hard for me.

Easter weekend started off on a bad note, with the bf and I fighting over something stupid I did. It turned into the biggest fight we have had, and almost ended in us breaking up. But we didnt, and I believe we are in a better place now because of the fight because it made us try to pin point our problems and come up with solutions for them.

Moving on to Easter, we woke up especially early, and dragged our tired asses to our church. As I said before, we go to a Unitarian Church, so there are a good number of gay couples that attend. The bf and myself are definitely the youngest of all the couples but it is reassuring to see older couples together. So we listened to the sermon which I was not a fan of. Call me a traditionalist but I wanted to hear about Jesus rising from the dead and what not, even though I dont really believe that happened. Instead I learned about "Big Joe and The Phantom 309" and how this story of a ghost helping out random hitchhikers crossed over to christian beliefs. I was not a fan of "Big Joe" although I understood why the pastor used the story.

I was able to talk my bf into going to my parents house for Easter even though he was not quite fond of the idea. I really enjoyed the 2 hour drive there though. It seems as though we never get a ton of real one-on-one time in. We might always be together just the two of us, but we never just talk about life or stupid stuff, because we will always become distracted by the tv, a waiter, or other friends. When you are stuck in a car, there is not much to distract you. So we had a nice drive up and the weather was very cooperative and sunny. I hadn't seen my parents in a few months so I was excited to see them as well as my younger brothers and my dog. My parents added another addition to the family by taking in an abandoned Chihuahua. He was a younger dog, that was very friendly and cute, and they named him Chewy.

We all had a good time. Most of our visit was spent playing Guitar Hero with my brothers or playing with the new dog. My family treated the bf well, I dont believe there were any awkward moments overall. We left sometime after dinner and once again had two hours to do nothing but talk. I really enjoy times like this.

I forgot to mention that my easter basket that was given to me by the bf had a naughty sex theme to it. It included sex coupons for "sex on demand" and a "steamy shower", condoms, a blindfold, amongst various candy. I went a little overboard with his basket. It wasnt exactly themed, but I stuck in some cleaning items for his car, like different Armorall wipes and some upholstery protector, then I loaded that basket up as much as I could with all sorts of candy. I have to say my basket looked very well put together. I was proud of it. He will be eating that candy for months to come.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Miami Part 3

So there I am standing in the mirror and my face is falling off as is the rest of the skin on my body. The Miami heat is too much for me to handle. It is the last day that I am in Miami and I want to go out with a bang. I am now informed of the hot spots in South Beach and so my coworker and I set out both very well moisturized and covered in lotion and in pain. We arrive on the one street in South Beach where fancy schmancy stores line the streets. We find a parking garage grab the parking ticket and begin our walk to Armani Exchange where I plan to do some major damage to my bank account. I am shocked by just how many items I actually enjoy and just how cheap many of these items are. I never thought I could get tshirts from there for $20. I buy my clothes all of which look and fit quite fierce on me.*Yes, I love Christian Soriano from Project Runway. He is hilarious!

So we buy our clothes and see a mob of people up one block which is the beach's boardwalk. My my coworker and I finally find what we have been looking for. Spring Breakers partying their little hearts off. We wanted to find people, and we found hundreds. This was the hot spot everyone has been talking about. There were people walking around wasted, people with huge snakes wrapped around their necks, girls showing off every ASSet they have, and plenty of beefcake to go around. We were both in heaven. We walked the boardwalk enjoying the sites, the bars, the restaurants, the people, and the sunset. We got to walked past Versace's house where he was shot on his steps which was also equally awesome even though it seemed as though it was turned into a very exclusive restaurant.

We finally found a restaurant which looked nice and had a nice variety of food. We enjoyed a meal provided to us my a very nice woman who was from Italy. We took in our surroundings and watched the people swarm past our table. As crazy as it was, it was serene at the same time. This time for me was the most memorable and fun time I had the entire trip. I forgot that my body was in pain, that my skin was falling off my body, and that I looked like a zombie. I didnt think about all of the stresses in my life, but yet, I thought about the one thing in my life that keeps me going. At that point, I wanted nothing more but to be in that environment with my boyfriend. I knew he would have had an absolute blast being there. At that point I couldnt wait to save up some money and come down here on vacation with him.

After dinner we both decided that we were going to skip the whole clubbing thing. It was already pretty late, and we had to get up early the next morning for our flight. So instead we just walked around and soaked up our last few hours in Florida. I took this time to reflect on how lucky I was to be able to be in South Beach Florida, enjoying nice meals, enjoying nice weather, all for free. So we walked back to the parking garage, and drove towards the ticket booth thinger, when I realized that I cannot find the parking slip I realized I was screwed and was going to have to pay double the initial fee and it was going to have to come out of my pocket. $24 later, I was reminded of my bad luck, but I would have paid $50 to have that night there.

My trip to Miami was coming to a close, so instead of driving straight back to the hotel, we drove around the city of Miami and took one last sight of the skyscrapers at night. Finally we went back to the hotel, and I slept the best I have in a long time.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Miami Part 2

So I left off at the part where I woke up sporting my daily morning wood, so I went over and smacked my coworker in the face with it and yelled "Oh my diddly gosh, you hot tranny mess, get out of bed!" Okay not really. But upon waking up the day after a disappointing night out, we opened our curtains to find this....*Okay there is no picture here yet, but give me a day and I will actually post them here.* SO for now just imagine a beautiful sunny day, overlooking the ocean with a bunch of cruise ships lines up.

We were excited for the weather, and excited for our view. We showered up, and headed out to South Beach where we intended on finding some nice hotties playing volleyball on the beach. His type of hottie is a bikini clad girl, mine is a nice muscular manly man sporting a nice bulge. Either way, we were on a mission. And the mission was harder than we thought. A this point we didnt know where the hot spots were in South Beach. We didnt know that there are a few streets that are hip and cool. Well we did, we just didnt know where they were or what they were. So we drove and drove around South Beach, until we gave up found a parking spot, and settled onto a nice beach lacking well everything I wanted. There was no sunshine, but only clouds. *This little fun fact will have a huge impact on my life for the next two weeks* There were no hot men. Not even slightly attractive ones. It even lacked pretty girls to look at. I guess when you are on a beach with 10 other people, you cant be picky though. So we obviously didnt pick the cool beach with all the other spring breakers. But nonetheless we were on a beach. And that was the most important thing of all. Because while we were listening to the waves crash against the shore, people back home in Pittsburgh were being snowed in drinking hot chocolate and trying to stay warm.

Due to the fact that it wasnt the least bit sunny, I figured I wouldnt need any sun tan lotion. Hence the name "Sun Tan Lotion". So because no sun, no lotion would be needed. So I frolicked on the beach, running around leaping into the air with joy like a newby twinkie drag queen who just got their latest giant blonde wig. I ended up skipping on the uber gay square cut trunks I planned on wearing only because I would have had all 10 people that were on that beach saying, "Oh, look at that trashy queen, nice butt though." So I walked the beach, tip toed in the water, couldnt swim in it because it was Fuh-reez-ing!

Okay, lets skip how I was asked to be a porn star for Titan, or how I almost had an orgy with a bunch of sorority girls, or even how I saw Britney Spears doing a nude shoot on the beach. Okay, so not all of those things happened, well none of them actually. But after spending about 2.5 hours on the beach, I was a little red. And hour after hour, I got more and more red. That night I got about 3 hours of sleep because my skin was on fire and each movement felt as if I were getting hot coals poured over me. This was the trend for the next week. Very little sleep, face and skin starting to turn into scar tissue from being so incredibly burnt, which led to the inevitable skin peeling. SO the rest of my work week in Miami was a little rough. I was in pain for most of it, and had to apply tons of Aloe Vera to my body just to make myself look halfway presentable. My skin turned from beautiful shades of purple and lilac, to deep luscious shades of red. I can't describe the pain from these burns. By the end of the work week, I wasnt the pain I couldnt stand, but the itching. My skins was falling off my body, like the snow was falling out of the sky in Pittsburgh. It was gross and not pleasant. I felt and looked like a leper. I turned many heads and not in a good way.

My forehead didnt necessarily peel like the rest of my body, rather it had turned into one giant scab because it had got the brunt of the sun or lack there of. When I would scrunch up my forehead, the skin on my chin would move and crack just as the skin on my ears or anywhere else on my head. I have never felt so gross in my life. I wanted to hide in shame and or put a paper bag over my head with a sad :( face drawn on it.

I was nasty. And it sucked.

Miami Part 1

Yes I am back. I have resumed work in my office after being absent for over 2 weeks. Everyone may now breathe a sigh of relief now that you can continue to read my blog on a daily basis. So much has happened since I last wrote. So it will take me a few days to post everything that I want to write about. So first things first, I will talk about going to Miami for work.

I will preface this story by telling you that I have quite a fair skin color, which means I am whiter than snow. However, once I got back from Miami, my skin was a nice bright red tomatoey color. Ok so my workmate and I decided that since we were going to Miami for work we wanted to take advantage of the free flight so we went down 2 days earlier to be able to take in the sights and to get some prime beach time in. Our flight was supposed to leave Pittsburgh at 1:30 but due to the ice storm that erupted during my car ride to the airport, we didnt leave in all actuality until closer to 5. We had a layover in Atlanta airport, which because our first plane was delayed caused our next flight to not be on time as well. So finally around 7:30 we boarded our flight and finally headed to our final destination. As we stood impatiently waiting for our luggage the pressure and excitement continued to build. That night we were supposed to go to "Club Space", supposedly the #1 dance club in the country. They always have a popular DJ spinning records so I was flamboyantly excited. We got our rental car, put down the windows, and sped on the highway, enjoying the 11pm traffic and warm breeze swifting through our windows.

Our next battle included actually finding our hotel. We were staying in downtown Miami, at a hotel that was supposed to be called the Biscayne Bay Hotel. However, after driving passed the specified address, we were stumped because there was a hotel there, but it was a Hilton and not the Biscayne Bay. So we checked with the valet peeps and they said that the name changed one week prior. Fine. Whatever. Thanks.

Our hotel room offered one spectacular view of downtown Miami. At this point we didnt realize we had a view of the bay as well as a cruise ship port. Holla! So we got dressed called our loved ones, and left for Club Space around midnight. Luckily the club was only a few blocks from our hotel so we trekked out on foot. Upon arriving, we could see that there was quite the line already, so we took our place, and took in the environment. Well, we took in that same environment for 2 hours before we even could get to see the entrance of the club. We could see people getting turned away let and right, and VIPs walking past the huge line briskly. We met a couple of cute and not so cute girls who we chatted with because they were basically the only other Americans in line. So as we neared the entrance, it seemed as though they were only letting in women. And single women and that. Finally they let in the girls we were chatting with and we made a tight hand held chain and struggled to get through the crowd. Once the last girl was through the crowd sunk in and my hand came unattached and we were let behind in the sea of latino gangsters who were all wearing sunglasses at 2 in the morning. Can I get a T.A.C.K.Y. and a T.O.O.L. Yeah apparently everyone gets too much sun down there that they need to wear sunglasses even while they sleep.

At this point not one man made it through the doors and scantily clad women were now all VIPs apparently. Then a few arguments started occurring around us one of which turned into a fist fight. This was our sign of defeat. We made a conscious decision that we were not getting in anytime soon, and if we do, we would be sporting not sunglasses, but two black eyes. So we walked right back to our hotel disappointed and not drunk. We slept soundly, and awoke knowing we would be spending our day on the beach.

Monday, March 17, 2008


Ok so I am out of the office again this week which means I wont be able to post much again. I will make sure I get some posts in tonight though so hopefully that will hold everyone at bay until my work schedule is back to normal. Peace Out!

Friday, March 7, 2008

My Escape

Finally the time has come for me to depart ways with Pittsburgh for a while and go to Miami. I am thrilled to get out of this horrible cold weather we have here in Pittsburgh and enjoy temperatures above 50 degrees. This is a much needed getaway for me. I have been once again stressed out so I need to take in some much needed relaxation time to focus on no one and nothing else but me. Not only do I need to get away from Pittsburgh and many of its cohabitants but I have to make sure the whole reason I am going to Florida in the first place, goes well. I have been putting this trip together for work for 3 months now, and I need it to go perfectly.

Beyond that, not much else to report. I went out last night, the first time I have went out on a weeknight in many many months. I had a great time meeting new people and hanging out with friends. I never realized how popular gay bars were on Thursdays. They were just as busy as a Friday or Saturday. Although I had a great time I don't think I will be heading out every Thursday to get crazy. My bed time is way before the time I went to bed last night, so needless to say I am draggin today. But it was worth it. So I am glad I did it.

Because of my due absence in Pittsburgh there is a very good chance that my posts in my blog will be quite sparse. So take advantage of this opportunity to not read all about my bitching and complaining and help out a homeless man instead. They love attention...and blueberry muffins.

My Fees Are Dropping

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Monday, March 3, 2008


This past Saturday, I attended my first ever yoga class with the bf. He has gone numerous times in the past and really enjoyed going, so I thought I would give it a whirl. I was expecting some nice relaxation time where I can think about everything that is going on in my life and find some peace with all of it. Did that happen? No. What I got was an intense 1.5 hour workout that made me sweat my soft, round, butt-cheeks off. I never thought of yoga as a pre-football training class, but my god it was intense and mind you I go to the gym 5x per week and work hard when I am there. It was quite the experience. I can now bend my body in ways I never knew before and also know some ways my bf can bend which I didn’t know before **Wink.

Our instructor was pretty cool. A tall skinny nelly guy who was still very enthusiastic despite probably teaching his third class that morning. He walked around and helped people out as needed. I needed help several times because I had no idea what I was doing.

Even though it was much more grueling that initially thought, I still recieved a damn good workout which I am still sore from. I liked it so much that there is a good chance that I will be back for more once I get back from the beautiful beaches of Miami. Which to remind you I leave for in 5 days!!!

One of Those There Thingers

So yeah. One of those questionnaire things.

1. What was the last blog you left a comment on?
2. Favorite black and white movie?
3. What’s in your freezer right now?
Pierogies, Ice Cream, Vodka, Garlic Bread, Frozen Veggies
4. How many pillows do you have on your bed?
5. Do you regularly share your bed with anyone?
Only on weekends
6. Do you sleep in Pajamas, undies, nude, or other?
Undies, Nude
7. If you won $50,000, what would you do with it?
Pay off credit card debt, pay off parents debt
8. Something nice you did for someone today?
Its only 10am, so nothing as of yet
9. Something bad you did to someone today?
Same as above
10. Hardest class you took in school?
11. Ever been in a car accident?
12. What is one food you won’t eat?
Sugar free chocolate
13. Why?
What’s the point
14. Would you ever eat dog meat?
15. What is something as a child you wanted to grow up to become, but didn’t?
A heterosexual
16. Name one place in the US you haven’t seen but want to?
17. Name one place outside the US?
18. Favorite smells?
Citrus, Lemon, My Man, Brownies
19. If you could pick any game show to compete on, which would it be?
The Amazing Race
20. Where did you go on your last real vacation and who did you go with?
A cruise to Costa Maya, Belize, Cozumel, and the Bahamas with one of my friends
21. Your best birthday was for which age?
My 21st