Friday, January 30, 2009

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thyroid Cancer Update

As an update on the cancer, I dont know much. I dont have a followup appointment until March because my doctor was booked up until then. Nice, right? At that point I will have more testing done to see if the radiation worked, or if it didnt take. Obviously I am hoping for it to be done and over with. If everything pans out like it should, I will just be on a simple medication that I take once a day for the rest of my life. If the radiation didnt work, I have to go through the process all over again.

In regards to how I am feeling, I dont really feel much different than before. I still have some of the same symptoms *shakiness, memory loss, fast heart rate, etc* that I had before my treatment which makes me a little worried, but I am assuming it takes my body a while to be normal. So other than those things, I am feeling nothing abnormal or dont feel any different.

Would You Like Some Kool-Aid

For Sam...

My first homo experience is not very fun. It was quick and ultimately ended badly. Here's the story:

It was a regular chilly fall evening in NY. I was a freshman in college and like every other college guy, very horny. A kid that lived down the hall from me, a cute tan Sophomore, had taken a liking to me, and would invite me to sit with him outside on the steps while he smoked his cigarettes. We would talk about nonsense and harmless flirting would ensue. I didnt tell him i was gay, but I knew that he in fact was. He was the president of the gay straight alliance thing on campus so it was no secret he took it up the butt. Since I had yet to be with a guy, I still considered myself straight. And I acted as I was, still making out and having sex with girls after being wasted at parties. But on this chilly night, a conversation on AIM took a turn for the weird.

This boy started coming on to me and invited me down to his room for a blow job. I turned down his advances but as he grew more and more persistent I finally decided to let him. I was extremely nervous as any boy would be. So I changed into some Nike workout pants so that I wouldnt have to have him have issues with any belt for my jeans. I walked down the hall sweating like a pig. I stood outside his door for a moment, took a deep breath, and knocked. He answered the door casually and invited me and I took a seat on his couch. We chatted for a bit and asked me if he could take my pants off. I obliged. He slid my pants down so they were resting at my ankles and lobbed my dick in his mouth. After a few minutes I didnt understand why they quite say that gay men give the best blow jobs, because he wasnt all that great, and I had much better from random whores I would take home from a party. Nonetheless, after 10 minutes or so getting some head and me having the nervous shakes, I finished, he swallowed, he pulled my pants back up, walked over to his fridge and pulled out two kool-aid boxes and offered me one. I said no and sat on his couch awkwardly trying to have conversation.

I left. Walked back to my room and actually felt bad and sad that I didnt save that for a boy who I actually liked. But whats done was done. And thats how I lost my homosexual virginity so to speak.

It is That Time Again

Something has sprung upon me as of late. It is known as writers block. I have no idea what to write about. So once again, dearest readers, I ask you to tell me what you would like me to write about. Whatever it is, I will try to write a post on it depending on the subject matter. Go ahead. What do you wanna know?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Doggie Style

Love this...

15 More to Go

Since I have been pushing myself hard in the gym again, I have definitely been seeing the results. I have gained roughly 5 lbs of muscle within the last month or so and I couldnt be happier. I am now weighing in at 150 which is only 2 lbs away from my heaviest weight I have ever reached. My goal is to be at 165 and stay there.

I started to take a supplement that is doing wonders for my workout though. It is called N.O. Explode and its amazing. Here is the description of the product.

**NO Meta-Fusion is the core of NO-Xplode. It is the catalyst that makes the entire formula and its body altering and mind enhancing effects possible. NO Meta-Fusion opens the door to vaso-muscular enlargement by immediately ramping up and sustaining Nitric Oxide (NO) levels. NO widens the blood vessel, which in turn accelerates blood flow to the muscle. The result? Your veins will stick out like a garden hose and your muscles will be jacked up beyond belief. NO Meta-Fusion precision delivers a powerful blend of the new muscle volumizing creatine matrix that only NO-Xplode provides.**

And basically it actually does just this. I have been able to add at least 25lbs on every workout I do. It does me me a little jittery, causes me to talk alot, and makes me heart rate a little quicker than normal, but other than that the side effects arent bad at all. It basically makes me feel like i did a line of coke without the post nasal drip.

I have been working out 5 days a week now for roughly 2 hours a day. I could probably cut 20 minutes off that if i wouldnt talk to other people so much, but i guess that is part of the whole gym experience. Now that i am seeing much larger results, i actually get excited to go to the gym. And that is probably the most important aspect of all.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Spaceman

Here is the latest from one of my fav bands, The Killers. Does anyone else think that frontman Brandon Flowers is hot?

Spaceman

Out With the Old

I just got done writing an email to my roommate letting her know I will be moving out in 2 months. This has been a long awaited email in which I cant wait for these two months to be over. I have lived with my roommate whom i found on Craigslist for about a year and a half now. Overall, I am not sure if I would have done things differently knowing now what i know. My apt was absolutely amazing. Large, open, cheap, etc. But I think there were way too many negatives about the place. The utilities were expensive, neighbors were loud, too many cats, etc. Sad thing is about the place is that most of the horrible things couldve been avoided if my roommate was willing to change her ways.

The house was always in disarray. If she or I would clean it, within 3 days she would have trashed it again. I am not sure how 1 person could make this big of a mess, but somehow she would do it. Wendy's and McDonald's bags would be left all over dining room tables and floors along with dirty bowls and cups. The sink would be overflowing with dirty dishes still with huge chunks of food on them because they were never rinsed off. Soon, fruit flies had infested out kitchen. It was gross.

Not only was the upkeep of the house lacking, but so was the upkeep on the bills. After talking to my landlord, he explained to me that she is always behind on her rent payments. And he would have to ask her constantly for the rent money. But not only was she not paying rent, but she wasnt paying the utility bills that were in MY name. She is currently 2 months behind now on the gas and electric bill. She comes up with excuse after excuse which I no longer care about. At some point she needs to grow up and do what she needs to do to pay her bills.

So I am not sure if or when I will be moving in with the bf after this, but I do know that I am ready to get out. Whether I just get a place by myself, with a friend, or the bf, I know that it will be a better situation than the one I am in now. I just need to find the right place for me to live now!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Monkey See, Monkey Do

After browsing through Sam's good ol' blog, I came across something pretty cool. This site lets you morph your face into different ages, origins, etc. Take a look at what I could look like.

As a monkey...

As an anime/manga character...

As an Asian...

Fun hunh?!

Stronger, Better, Faster

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Back in the Cube

Today is my first day back at work and just completed reading all 127 emails and listening to all 21 voicemails despite telling people that I will be out for over a week. Now that I am almost all caught up, my life is getting back to its dreary routine. I didnt spend much time on my computer over my week off other than for the occasional viewing of porn. So I am just getting all caught up on reading blogs, news, and other misc. internet garbage.

I will be back to my blogging schedule in no time at all, and you can all enjoy my regular posts daily. Until I can come up with something to write about enjoy this fab song by Bloc Party! Listen to it twice and you will love it. My favorite line in the song, "I love my life...when I am fucking you!"


Ion Square - Bloc Party

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

And.....

I am alive and well! I apologize for not blogging sooner but I have been to lazy to absolutely anything this past week. Thanks for everyone for their get well wishes and concerns, it definitely means alot. I dont have much to report on other than the cancer didnt spread to my throat *thank god*, and everything should be ok. I didnt have any real side effects other than a headache, sore neck, and sore jaws. Hopefully everything works like it is supposed to though. My Doctor told me that there is a 20% chance that the treatment will not work and I will have to repeat the process. Yay. Doesnt that sound like fun.

I didnt do much with my days off and I guess that was for the best. Many hours were spent watching tv, sleeping, napping, jacking off, and playing XBox. And not very much time was spent reading sadly. I wasnt able to get any of the books I said I was going to read because none were available at the library I went to get them from. So I grabbed 2 books and only got 1/4 of the way through the one. However, even after writing this at 1 a.m. I am going to read for about an hour because it is an awesome book called SoMa by Kemble Scott.

So like I said, nothing too exciting to report other than the fact that the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to the Superbowl!!!! How exciting is that? For those non-American readers, the Pittsburgh Steelers are our football team here, and the Superbowl is the final championship game for the country. If we win this, we will have won more Superbowls than any other team in the USA which is quite an accomplishment.

And thats all I have for now.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Last Weekend

Today is my last day of work for the next week and half! Yay! On Monday, I go to the hospital for my newly found Thyroid Cancer. Doctors are going to see if the cancer has spread to my throat in which case I am in big trouble. If it didnt, I am good to go. On Tuesday I go for more testing. And on Wednesday, I finally get my radiation treatment and go into seclusion. Although i am thrilled to have off of work for a week and a half, I am not so thrilled about being by myself for so long.

My posts for the next week and a half probably wont be as frequent or as exciting since I will have absolutely nothing going on in my life. But I will keep y'all updated with the hospital stuff.

Ciao!

Uninvited Guests

I havent mentioned someone in quite some time because I thought I had finally gotten them out of my life. Then, bam, he's back. And who am I referring to? My boyfriend's ex best friend who seems like he is back on his way to mending the relationship with my bf. Gag.

I cant help but feel mad about this. The reason that the bf and I have been doing so well was because we cut certain people out of our lives who were causing conflict with our relationship. I am afraid having these people back in our lives will recreate the drama. And I cannot go through those times again. I told the bf I would never let anyone else interfere with our relationship, and I am afraid that this guy will.

I know that this is almost completely selfish for me to feel this way. But I honestly want nothing to do with this guy. For my boyfriend's sake, I sort of want them to be friends because I know the bf truly cares about him, and I know that would make him happy. Despite the utterly horrible things that this friend has said to my boyfriend, and me having to cheer him up, and the whole process, I am disturbed that my boyfriend even wants him back in his life.

When my friends crossed me, I dropped them. I have no time for people like that in my life. I want to surround myself with good friends. With people who actually care about me as much as I do for them. Apparently not everyone feels that way. And they are too afraid to just let go of a friendship that is no longer working.

Once again, I know I am selfish. But i just got used to the fact that this guy will no longer be around. But now, he is reforming a friendship with the bf, and apparently is now going on the trip to Rehoboth Beach this summer that he said he was no longer going on. I guess i just have to get over it and deal. As much as I dont want to.

Club Pittsburgh Scandal

Some of you may have seen on the news about this story resonating from the Burgh. here is an article from Towerload recapping what is going down.
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A 31-year-old man was found dead at Club Pittsburgh, a gay sauna, on Sunday. Investigators are awaiting toxicology results on the death.

Local media has turned its attention to the club's owners, the city's zoning committees, and Pittsburgh's mayor:

"Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl said political contributions by the owners of Club Pittsburgh were not behind the way the city resolved a zoning cease and desist order against alleged sex-related activity at the club. "Every contributor that has ever given money to me is not given preferential treatment and the story line that continues is unfortunate," said Ravenstahl. Club Pittsburgh's Web site refers to nudity and private booths for its male-only clientele. Ravenstahl's administration said meetings with the owners and the mayor's chief of staff brought assurances that the club would stop selling sex paraphernalia and hosting go-go dancers. The city didn't hold follow-up inspections because no further complaints were filed. 'Nothing here was done inappropriately. As I said before, and I'll say it again, it's unfortunate that in this case it was once again suggested that it had something to do with the actions that were taken,' said Ravenstahl."

The Post-Gazette, which Wednesday asked if the city looked the other way after complaints about sexual activity at the club, today profiled the club's owners, who reportedly have held many political fundraisers including one for Ravenstahl:

"In a posting on www.pghlesbian.com, Mr. Karlovich defended himself and his partner, saying the city's complaints about his club were based on factual errors and minor violations that were later corrected. 'We have done nothing wrong. We love this city and our community,' he wrote. 'We will continue to do what we can to improve this city as a whole and our gay community in particular.' Mr. Karlovich also expressed sorrow for the death of Cleophus Pettway, 31, of Youngstown, Ohio, whose body was found in a private room at Club Pittsburgh. He said the club's Web site, www.clubpittsburgh.com, would provide information about helping Mr. Pettway's family raise money for funeral expenses. The Allegheny County medical examiner's office was waiting for the results of toxicology tests and had not determined a cause of death."

The Club's website has posted a note of condolence for the victim and his family.


*************************************

Crazy right?! Ok so here is what I personally know about this shiznat. Since this story has surfaced, the couple who owns the bath house are claiming that it isnt in fact a bath house. And that the "private rooms" are no intended to be a haven while you get your ass rammed while laying in the sling, or get fist fucked while laying on the leather beds that accompany each room. Instead they are claiming that it is a health spa. Hah! yeah. Last time I went to a health spa, I was never approached with poppers and a guy in a leather harness. Honestly, I wouldnt mind seeing this place get closed. Bathhouses are just one more reason that straight people call us sexual deviants. Nonetheless, you must take a look at a picture from the owners house that overlooks the city. Its amazing!




Thursday, January 8, 2009

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Here is a comment I just left on a news article on the internet about Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
*******************************************

I think that in this day in age, that this topic is quite funny. Most of the arguments presented by some of the commenters have no validity. By getting rid of DADT, it is not going to cause gays to have orgies in the shower, or make it any easier for gay couples to be affectionate on base. Thats not what they want. All they want is to serve their country which doesnt even allow them to have civil rights, and although I dont understand it, I can respect their decision to fight for our freedom. I dont know why it should be a crime for them to serve their country like every other person in the military, but then go home to their same sex partner. Its just ludicrous.

Considering the fact that military enrollment is at its all time low, they should be welcoming to anyone. They have no problem accepting kids with IQs lower than a monkey, but they cant accept gay geniuses because they are in fact just gay. There are plenty of gays in the military now, and they fear for their livelihood no one will find out. Anyone who is brave and courageous enough to serve in the military should be looked upon as a hero and asset no matter who they go home to at the end of the day.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Jackie & Debra

You must watch these...



Songs of the Second

1. Deepwide- Take Me In


2. The Fray- You Found Me

the fray you found me =] rawwrr -
3. Katy Perry- Thinking of You

Thinking Of You - Katy Perry

4. Tegan & Sara- Back in Your Head (Tiesto Remix

Back in Your Head (DJ Tiesto Remix) - Tegan and Sara

5. Chainside- I Would Die For You

I Would Die For You - Chainside

6. Jose Gonzales- Crosses (Tiesto Remix)

Crosses (Tiesto Remix) - Jose Gonzalez

I Want Your Philia

During a weird email conversation with my friends this morning, I brought into the subject of an asphyxiation fetish. Which then got me to google some other known fetishes for all of you. Some are very weird.

acrotomophilia - Love of amputees
apotemnophilia - Desire to amputate a healthy limb
coprophilia - Sexual pleasure from feces
cypripareuniaphila - Love of prostitutes
dendrophilia - Love of trees
gerontophilia - Sexual attraction towards the elderly
gynotikolobomassophilia - Love of biting a female's earlobes
hirsutophilia - Love of hairy men
klismaphilia - Sexual pleasure from enemas
korophilia - Love of young men or boys
maiesiophilia - Sexual attraction to childbirth or pregnant women
nanophilia - Love of short people *I prefer to date only shorter guys
pogonophilia - Love of beards
pygophilia - Love of buttocks *I love a good bubble butt
zoophilia - Love of non-human animals

Which category of admiration do you fall into?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Unhappily Ever After

This weekend I got a phone call that I am all too familiar with. For most kids, a call from their mother telling them that their dad wants a divorce should be devastating. However for me, I cant wait for them to actually go through with one. Every few months or so, I get the same phone call from my crying mother. And every phone call I tell her the same thing. Pack his shit up and leave it in the driveway. But, she has never took my advice, and I doubt she ever will.

For as long as I can remember, my mom and stepfather have fought like crazy people. They have been together for almost 20 years. He has truly been the only father figure I have known. He definitely hasn't been the father I would've picked to raise me though. Within a year of marrying my mom, he took it upon himself to discipline both my older brother and I. He didn't discipline us by putting us in a corner or grounding us to our bedrooms though. His way of discipline was through physical force. Being choked, kicked, spit on, thrown into walls, and punched was his way of letting us know we did something bad. Every few weeks or so, I would remember the same episode of disciplinary action. If I didn't get the "A" on my multiplication math test or I forgot to take out the garbage, I knew what I had to look forward to. My mother would stand by and do nothing but cry and after a few minutes tell my father that was enough and to stop. After he would leave the room, I would be sitting on my bed crying and in pain, she would apologize to me and hold me.

But even after all that, she never left him. She never stood up to him the way I would've wanted her to. She just isnt that strong of a person. It would just end up with him screaming and berating her. Even though I have never seen him physically hit her, he doesnt need to because his words cause much more harm.

This was my life. This was my life until I graduated high school and left for college. I returned one summer to go on a family vacation to the local amusement park, Kennywood. I forget how it happened, but he was angry, and shortly after leaving our driveway he sped off and almost hit another car right around the corner from our house. Both my mother and I demanded he stop the car and we both got out. Screaming obscenities at him as we both walked away, he got out of the car, and started to run towards me. I knew what he was going to do so I braced myself. But I was no longer a scared little 8 year old. I was 19 and was no longer going to let him get away with hitting me without me fighting back. Now, my Dad is a little over 6 ft and a very solid guy. he has at least 75lbs on me and it doesnt help that he is a black belt in some form of martial arts. So ran up to me and using both his fists, punched me in the chest and knocked me to the ground. He immediately reached for my neck and started choking me. I spit in his face and reached for his neck and started squeezing as well, and kicking with everything I had. With my moms pleading and help he finally got off of me.

That was the last time he ever laid his hands on me. But he never stopped treating my Mom like a dog. She says she only stays with him because she doesnt want to put my 3 younger brothers through a divorce and that she is meant to live an unhappy life. I think by leaving my younger brothers in the current situation, she is doing more harm than if they would separate.

For everyone's sake and well being, a divorce would be the best outcome. My Dad always threatens to leave, but doesnt because my Mom is now the main breadwinner of the house and he wouldn't have any money and would have no where to go. I hope one day, and one day sooner than later, she will wise up and do what i tell her. I know she would love to have the courage to do so, but I deep down inside know that will most likely never happen. Until then, I will shower her with support and try to build up her strength. Because no one is supposed to live an unhappy life.

Reading Material Decided

10 days isnt a huge amount of time to read several books. Especially because most of my day will be spent sleeping and playing XBox. But I am going to designate time to read. I am going to attempt to read 1 book every 3 days. But I have chosen 4 books for my time off. Thank you for your recommendations by the way. Always appreciated ;)

1. Holding the Man by Timothy Conigrave
--I read this one before a few years ago, but honestly it touched me so much that i want to read it again. The only bad thing about this book is that it made me cried for roughly half of the chapters.

2. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
--This book apparently changes lives. And it's short. Enough said.

3. World War Z by Max Brooks
--This one was recommended by Craig from Puntabulous. Sounds pretty good too!

4. America Anonymous: Eight Addicts in Search of a Life by Benoit Denizet-Lewis
--This book is getting amazing reviews. I actually can't wait to read this one.

And if I can fit one more in or I cant find one of the other books, I am going to read Memoirs of a Geisha recommended by Ian from This Mind of Mine.

And you know I'll give you my reviews once I am done reading.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Books

I am definitely no avid reader of books, but I have occasionally picked one up and read a book from front to back. I read 3 books this past year, and that may not seem like a lot, but for me, it is. So because I will be shelled up in my room for 10 days or so, I need some recommendations to keep my mind working. So what have you dear readers. What shall I read? Please no one say any books that are part of a series like Harry Potter and such. I just dont have the time for that much dedication.

Latest Obsession

Since the boyfriend got me an XBox 360 for Christmas, I have to say I have become addicted. I have never really been a "Gamer" or anything, and rarely played video games growing up. But when he bought his XBox about a year back, I thoroughly enjoyed playing it.

I have played only truly played and beat Halo 3 and Gears of War. I am currently playing Gears of War 2 and BioShock. But my current obsession has to be the Lord of the Rings Conquest demo which is downloaded and played thought XBox Live. I honestly cant get enough of it. It was fun talking with other players and forming strategies and what not to win. If anyone has an XBox definitely download this game.

Ok, I am done ranting about the nerdiness.

Doggie Switcharoo

I have let it be known that I want to buy a miniature Dachshund when I get a new pad to live in. I always thought they were oh so cute and cuddly. I still think that way, but after doing some more researching the dog on the internet, i have decided to go with something else after focusing on a few of the cons for this breed. So what are the cons of having a hot dog running around the house? First of all, they are hard to house train apparently. Which means I will be scrubbing dog poo out of carpet which = no fun. Secondly, they dont like strangers. Barking/Biting = lawsuit. Third, not good with children. And I want children. Fourth, they are very territorial. So after much agonizing, i have decided this breed is not for me.

So what have I decided to train in the wiener dog for. Well take a look.

Yes, I have traded in the mini doxie for the Welsh Corgi. It is still small and overall has a good temperament and doesn't shed much. And how can you not love those huge ears!

Resolutions

Because it is the beginning of a New Year, I have to set some new goals for myself. It will give me something to work towards on an everyday basis. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Gain 15 lbs of muscle
2. Blog more
3. Be a better boyfriend
4. Move into a new home
5. Buy a dog
6. Buy a flat screen tv
7. Get a raise at work
8. Drink less alcohol
9. Be more understanding
10. Save more money

I'm Baaack!

Hey Bitches, I have returned! Its been 11 days since my last post and although it has been refreshing having had such a long break, I have to say that I missed blogging and reading your comments. I wish I had some amazing stories that happened during my vacation to fill all of you in on, but honestly, I dont have many. My time off of work and blogging was spent sleeping in until noon everyday, watching tv, and playing my new XBox. Not much else.

It was really wonderful spending 5 days straight with the bf and getting to fall asleep with him every night. It makes me really look forward to living with him and doing that everyday.

I got some posts coming with some better details of my Christmas and New Years. Stay tuned!