My Head Met the Floor Today

Happy Post Christmas!

Ok. So I went to the doctors office again today after my cardiologist appt yesterday. Apparently my doctor believes I have an overactive thyroid. She explained that there is a chance I could have Graves' Disease. What she thought was odd however was that this is usually found in woman and not too often in men. Treatment for this can be somewhat extensive but I have some options. First one would be to just take some medication. Not a big deal. Second would be to have radioactive iodine put into my bloodstream. Not so much fun. The other option is to have it surgically fixed. Not my cup of tea.

I have scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist to get my thyroid checked out. Its not until the end of the month so I have a while sit and wait to see what is really wrong with me.

My doctor took more blood today from me to do further testing on my thyroid. Everything was going well and all the blood was taken that was needed. I had warned my doctor about the time when I gave blood that I have had a history of passing out. She took this into account and layed me down. Well I thought I was fine so I stood up and walked towards the desk clerk person to schedule my next appointment when all of a sudden I didn't feel so well. I told the clerk lady this when the next thing I realize is that I am on the floor with 5 nurses above me. Yep I passed out. I felt a large pain on two areas of my head. On my forehead and the back of my head. I remember waking up and just being so pissed at myself that I passed out...AGAIN! I have a permanent scar on my lip when I passed out giving blood a separate time and I fell face forward smacking my face off the floor causing my front teeth to go through my lip. So much fun.

So at this point I still am not sure where I passed out at. I finally sit up and realize I am in the waiting room with an entire room of patients looking at me. Slightly embarrassed I ask the doctor if I can be moved into another room while I recuperate. So she did as I asked. Apparently when I passed out, I was leaning over a desk window thing, so I smacked my forehead on the desk then fell back hitting my head on the floor.

I now feel like crap with the worst headache of my life. But it is all ok because I get to see my bf after not seeing him for a week. I am very excited!

Oh, I am also HIV-! Holler for me!

Kill Me Now

So I have been at my parents house for roughly a day and a half and I am starting to go a little crazy. I have been absolutely bored out of my mind. I have spent most of my days laying on the couch in our family room trying to sleep the hours away. That doesnt happen though. My 3 younger brothers dont allow that because their screaming and yelling over their latest video game. Yay for me. My poor mother is trying so hard to clean up after them as they leave their path of terror and empty toy boxes all over our quaint little house.

Is it nice to be home? Sort of. I think I have limited myself to only one day here though because boredom sets in at 6 hours. I went for two drives today to get away. I was reminded on my first drive that amish people are still real and are not a part of my imagination. I feel so bad for them this time of year freezing their little butts in their horse drawn buggies. My second drive was to WalMart at 1130 at night. Sadly it was closed.

I am counting down the hours til I get to go back home to Pittsburgh.

Celebrate The Yule Log

Did you all know that a Yule Log is also known as the Great Ashen Faggot?! I never knew what the hell a Yule log was until about 40 seconds ago. I always say Happy Yule Log instead of Happy Holidays because I always thought Yule Log sounded funny. Now I can say Happy Great Ashen Faggot. But for all those that still dont know what a Great Ashen Faggot is, its basically a big thick log in the middle of a fire, or in my case the middle of my legs. HO HA HO I am so funny.

Well I went to the doctors office today for my first physical in about 5 or 6 years. I have been having alot of health issues so I needed to get my butt to see a doctor. Well there are some definite things wrong with me. Apparently I have a really fast heart rate. I guess the average is 60-100 beats per minute and I am at 120 beats per minute. This is very unhealthy for someone my age. I also have some sort of tremors. My hands are almost constantly shaking and recently the shaking has been moving into my head and neck. My family has a history of Parkinson's Disease so I am really worried that is what it is. I am scheduled to meet with a neurologist in the next few weeks. I am also scheduled to meet with a cardiologist so he can to an echo cardiogram. I have no idea what that is, but as long as it is covered by my insurance I dont care. Hopefully everything turns out not to be a huge problem. I will be keeping my fingers crossed. I also got an HIV test! I am not worried for that though, I am not that big of a whore, so I am sure that it will be negative.

I am exchanging gifts with the bf tomorrow morning before he leaves me for a week. Hopefully we got me all the wonderful things I asked for. Otherwise he wont get any sex from me for at least 3 days. Well probably only for 2 days because I start to go through withdrawal if its any longer than that.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! Drive safe and eat lots of food. I will continue to blog starting next Friday once I am back at work.

Seasons Greetings,
Jeff

Time to Back Off

Many posts back I wrote that I realized that I am a clingy person. I have further realized that my needy ways were due to the fact that I hate being alone. I need attention or affection in almost my everyday life. I assume this stems from two things. One being the fact that I come from a very large family with 8 other brothers and sisters and maybe didn't get enough attention growing up. The second reason that this may come from is that I have never truly met my biological father.

A quick side note about my biological father. My mother and him never got married. I was an "accident" that wasn't supposed to happen. My earliest memory which I am thankful for was that last time I actually saw my father. At the age of 1, was the last time my father and myself came into contact. And I remember briefly that occurrence.

I am not sure if the latter of the two things really affect this but I at least no a lot of my other insecurities are because of him.

Last night the bf could tell something was on my mind. My issue came out shortly after having an awkward sex session. I wont go into detail about that, but the fact that I am always worried about other people, and in that case my bf, caused it. So after him being persistent finally got me to say what was really on my mind.

I told him that I believe he feels that I smother him. I don't think I give him anytime to breath or have time to himself for the most part. I honestly enjoy seeing him everyday. He is my breathe of fresh air. It is known that I absolutely hate my job, and I don't really like being at my apt because of my roommate and her 4 cats. So when I get to see him, it is the one positive thing in my life that I have going.

I need to start giving him the space he deserves. I don't want to ruin this relationship because I am not allowing him to have a life outside this relationship. I will probably attempt to not see him everyday like we have for the 6 months.

Honestly no one wants to hear I need a break from you and we need to not be so dependent on each other. I think he wants to say these things but doesn't because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He leaves on Saturday to go his parents house on the opposite side of Pennsylvania so we will be apart for that time. When he gets back is when I have to start to be more independent and understand that we need some on/off time for the both of us.

As for me, I need to start to find happiness and positivity in some other aspect in my life so I don't continue to strain what I have worked 6 months to grow.

1-18-08

I have had a new obsession as of late. There is a movie that will be coming out on January 18 called Cloverfield. It is supposed to be a monster movie similar to Godzilla. There is a ton of hype around this movie because the producer J.J. Abrams is the producer for the TV show Lost. Well something I never knew about that show, is that there are hidden clues throughout the episodes, which viewers can find and research them on the internet which will give further information to help figure out secrets on the show.

Well the same is with this movie. It all started in the first preview of the movie when it was shown before the movie Transformers. During this preview someone in the movie was wearing a shirt that said Slusho which led viewers who looked this up in Google to a site dedicated to the Slusho drink. After much research of the site, it led people to another site called Tagruato. Which led people to another site and so on. All of this gives a fair amount of clues and information about the movie.

Its pretty interesting stuff I must say. If you are a big nerd like myself and enjoy this sort of movie and website analysis, it can provide hours of endless entertainment trying to decipher information. Just thought I would share what has been keeping me busy as of late since I have absolutely no work to do.

Happy 6

I just got back from being in Erie all weekend with the bf and overall I think we both had a great time. We didn't do anything too exciting. I took him all over the city and went to all the big bars/clubs. He finally got to meet some of my best friends from there, it is nice for him to actually my good friends. One of my best friends Katie, has recently started dating a new boy who I have to say is HOT! I actually had a slight crush on him while I was still in college. He was in a few of my classes and was sometimes in the gym when I was. His body is a.m.a.z.i.n.g! She told me she really likes him, and is really good in bed. I told her I will have to be the judge of that. Ha!

The big Christmas party went very well too. A gaggle of gays in a big ol house. What better time can you ask for. I drank pop*also known as soda to you weirdos* all night which gave me a horrible stomach ache. I have mostly cut pop out of my diet except or the occasional glass here and there. It was very nice to see all the people I miss so very much. There is another gay couple that I am very good friends with that we got to hang out with , and it is nice to hang out with another couple finally. One of them actually reads my blog. Hello Greg! We went to lunch on Sunday before making the trek back to Pittsburgh, and after eating, the bf mentioned how nice it is to actually hang out with another gay couple. None of our friends here are dating anyone. I am not sure if that is my choice or not, but we would like to do dinner dates if anyone is interested.

Sunday was also the 6 month anniversary for the bf and I! And you know what we did to celebrate. Absolutely nothing. Both of us are a little strapped for cash since it is around the holiday season so we opted to not really do anything but relax at home and celebrate that fact that we got there safely. It snowed a ton on the way back from Erie, and as I said before, I am not very good at driving in the snow. But I managed not to kill us. Yay for me...and him. We almost didnt even have hot sweaty nasty man sex, but around 11pm, I decided to let him know I wasnt leaving without it. So we did it. I thanked him. He seemed mad because I didnt stay a little longer to cuddle afterwards but it was already 11:30 and I had a ton of stuff to do at my house before I went to sleep. So I left with the sense that I just had a dirty hookup, but really, it was just a sexual romp with my sexy man minus the cuddling. I went home fulfilled and we both slept a little better that night because of it.

Happy 6 to my man lover! Hope there are many more to follow. Muah!

Weekend of Snow

I am leaving today to go to Lake Erie today for a grand ol gay christmas party. My one friend from Erie throws an annual christmas party so the bf and I are attending. He is some big wig at GE and makes a nice chunk of money. He owns a large mansion which for the party will be decorated exquisitely. He even rolls out a red carpet to the sidewalk for his guests. This is going to be a great opportunity for my bf to finally meet most of my old friends whom I have all left. At this party he will meet all my gay friends and some of my straight friends as well. WooHoo!

I am worried this weekend isnt going to go as planned though. Supposedly, Erie is supposed to get hit with a snow storm that is going to plant almost a foot of snow on the ground. It is well known by all my friends that I am not the best driver. I have a lead foot and lots of road rage. I am even a worst driver in the snow because I one too many times put my cars in ditches along side the road. It addition to my poor driving skills, my car isnt the best car to take to go for a ride in the snow. Its a sporty coupe that just has all season tires on it. I counted getting stuck in the snow last year 8 times. Each time, my good friend Dan had to come and drag my sorry ass out of the snow with his manly SUV.

So with that said, if the snow is bad on Saturday afternoon I will be skipping the christmas party that night. I will be disappointed but I dont want to risk my life or more importantly my bf's life just so I can sing Silent Night around a piano surrounded by Erie's fabulous gays. Hopefully the weather isnt too horrible. If you dont hear from me in a few days, you know why. Hopefully that doesnt happen.

Which reminds me of this. Do you ever feel like you have an idea of how and when you are going to die? I actually do. For some demented reason I have a feeling I am going to die young. And I am going to die in a car. I have no real reason for this, but I have always felt this way. My bf hates when I bring it up, but I cant help it. It is my destiny.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Do Something Sweet for Your Sweetheart

Yesterday the bf and I planned on going to see the movie "The Golden Compass". I was excited to go but what I really wanted to do that night was go see the band OneRepublic who was performing at a venue in town. I decided not to go for various reasons and I was fine with not going at that point. However, after sitting in my bf's car on the way to what I thought was the theater, he asked me to get something out of his glove box with a mischievous grin. I knew something was up but I figured it was going to be something funny or the best way to my heart...something chocolaty. Slurp.

As I opened the glove box I awaited something to jump out at me. Much to my surprise nothing jumped out at me, but yet there was an envelope that said...."Jeff, Open Me" At this point I still had no clue what it was. Once I opened up the envelope, I was very surprised to find a OneRepublic ticket!

Now let me remind you that my bf even told me its not really in his nature to be romantic or do really sweet things. I am fine with that. It lets me be the romantic one in the relationship. But it is always a really sweet surprise when he does something sweet like that.

A few weekends ago, I awoke from a post drunken state, and uttered that I was in the mood for a grilled cheese sandwich and chips. This is not something new as I am always saying that I am in the mood for brownies or grilled cheese. However, this time that I said it, I actually got it. The bf got up out of bed and 15 minutes later he came back with a plate filled with grilled cheese and chips *which he stole from his roommate*. Once again I was pleasantly surprised. Normally if he is gone for that long he is doing some chore or something.

It makes me realize I haven't done anything exceptionally sweet for him recently. Looks like its time to do so.

Do something sweet for someone. It will make their day!

Songs of the Second

1. One Republic

Say All I Need

2. Jordin Sparks

Tattoo

3. Tiesto

Ten Seconds Before Sunrise

Tell Me a Time when...

I had my second round of interviews today. I went in initially nervous as expected, but soon realized that this will best set of interviews I have ever been on. I was only expecting to interview with 1 person but was soon told that I would be interviewing with 3. I had to fill out a paper application that literally took me over an hour. It asked the same damn questions over and over again. What jobs have you held in the past 7 years? What are your past addresses? I literally answered those questions probably 3 times. Finally my interviews came around and each one couldnt have went any better. I showed them my true personality and told them the real reasons I am trying to find another job. I explained my expectations of the job I would like and in turn they told me what they would have expected from the person receiving this job. They didnt ask me to explain a situation in which I was a leader or when I was in a complex project and how did I finish it. It was all very laid back and they explained the job, and I simply asked questions. Easy.

After it was all said and done the last guy showed me where my office would be. It was a corner office with huge windows overlooking the entire city!! After seeing that I knew I wold have to get this job. I should hear back from them in about two weeks. I will keep everyone posted.

He Looooves Me!

Its been about a week since my last posting. I apologize I have been out of the office for more useless training. So I have some good news. Well good news for me anyways. Last weekends my boyfriend told me that he is in love with me!! I definitely wasnt expecting it either. Actually after he said it, I actually poorly set the mood by telling him that he was lying. Well apparently what he said is true. Yay for me. It was a nice moment. We were laying in his bed canoodling like two little gay boys when he dropped the bomb. It was great.

It is definitely nice to know that we are now on the same page. I was definitely feeling as if my feelings for him were way too strong. And it sucks to like someone or in my case love someone when they dont feel that same connection. But knowing we feel the same way about each other is a good comforting feeling.

The next day we talked about the whole love thing, and he said that he was scared to have these feelings because every time he has felt this way he got hurt in the end.

Although I cannot promise our relationship will be forever, but what I can promise is that I would never hurt him the way others in his past have.

Blow Hard!

It is the boyfriends birthday today. He turns a big whopping 27. He is now 5 years older than I am. Sad. Makes me feel too young. I wanted to plan a big ol birthday bash for him, and he was against it from the beginning. So he invited a group of his friends out for dinner and drinks and 15 people will be attending. A nice turnout in my eyes. I wanted to get a bday cake for him and he made it very clear that he doesnt want one. Poo on him.

Tomorrow it will be a day for just him and I. I was planning on taking him to the Pittsburgh Aviary because they are currently doing some sort of program where you pay so much money and then you can play with the penguins. I was very excited for this because it is something I thought we could both enjoy. Well I found out that you have to make arrangements 3 weeks in advance. Which I didnt do. So now I have nothing to do for him but take him to dinner.

I cant think of anything else to write.

Have a great weekend!

I know...He is Hot!

I try to keep up with reading all of my favorite blogs everyday. It is hard sometimes because it is very time consuming. The only time I am able to do this is when I am at work though due to my lack of internet at my house cause I am cheap. While I was cruising the blogs today, I came across a picture of a boy on Closet Frat Boy's page that looks so much like my bf that I had to do a double take to make sure it wasnt him lounging in his underwear. I have always debated putting a picture up of myself. I sort of like being this gay mystery man. At the same time I always like to put a face to a name or blog for that matter. I make up up faces in my head of what each of my bloggers look like. Its fun. So for now I will remain hidden behind my computer screen. But I will show you the picture of my bf look-a-like.

What the Hell...No Gay Jokes?

I am finally back at work and blogging after being absent for 5 days. It was a well needed break away from work. I am finally back in the grind of staring at my computer for 8 hours. My Thanksgiving break went pretty well. I was at my parents house for 3 days. Probably 2 days too long for my own taste. It was pretty boring for the most part. I have fallen out of touch with most of my friends from high school therefore I didnt hang out with any of my old buddies like I normally would have. Therefore I was stuck at home the entire time. My parents dont have much money and can afford only to live minimally. There house is very small so anytime any noise is made, it can be heard throughout the entire house. I slept in my little brothers room, on a bunk bed that squeeks anytime you move a finger or your heart beats.

Normally my brothers whom are all pretty young being 15 and younger like to team up and make fun of me. Usually it starts off by them telling me I smell then if luck is on my side, they remind me that I like to kiss boys. And I do. Alot. I have never had a conversation with them about my homosexuality. They are far to young to swallow that fact that their brother, well, swallows. But only if I like you. But they are too young to really understand. By them telling me that I am gay and that I kiss boys *if they only knew what I else I do to boys!*, I know that my parents have to talk about it when I am not around. I can only hope that when they do talk about the gay son that they do so in a positive manner as my little brothers are obviously listening. On a better note though, they didnt make any gay references to me for the 3 days that I was there. I was shocked and a little relieved. It always makes me feel a little uncomfortable when they do.

My mom asked about my boyfriend alot while I was there. I appreciate her interest in this aspect of my life. Although she still refers to him only as my friend because she just cant muster up the courage to actually say my boyfriend. Its ok though. Babysteps.

Lick that Turkey Bone

I am driving up to my parents house today after I drop the bf off at the airport so he can see his parents. I plan on being at my parents house until Friday. By then I will be ready to pull out my hair because my 3 younger brothers ages 15, 11, and 7 will have driven me to the point of going loony. I am excited to hang out with my mom, my dog, and my friends from high school though. It will be nice to catch up with the friends I haven't talked to in over a year and also to see who has gotten fat.

I will probably not be able to blog until Monday or Tuesday because of this, so that's why I have been posting like a mad man to make sure you all have something to read. So I suggest reading one post a day so that will last you til next week.

Until then, Happy Thanksgiving!

Shoutout to Martha

I got an email from a lady I used to work with at GE yesterday. I always really enjoy her emails as she is witty and fun. Martha is an older lady probably in her 50s, had a positive attitude, and quite an affection for boxed wine. She was my savior while I worked there. I had a large corner cube in a very dark room, but luckily I got placed right next to her. She is a huge ball of energy and has been with GE since she was was in her 20s. Packed full of knowledge I knew she would have the answer to my endless questions. Not only did she answer all my questions but she always gave me great work advice. Some that I will never forget and that will prove to be beneficial to me until I retire.

I can only hope that I am as positive as her during that point in my life and career. She came to work everyday with a smile on her face and an attitude that everyone would enjoy. And on every Thursday she would come with a cake, cookies, or brownies in hand for the whole office to indulge in. She made work fun and you almost want to come into work the next day. I want to be that person who makes their day go a little easier.

Just think how much more happier would be if you were the person that they enjoy to work with. Make them laugh, fill them with knowledge, and encourage them to work hard. It all pays off in the end.

Thanks Martha.

Songs of the Second

1. Ferry Corsten

Holding On

2. Marc Marberg

Megashira

3. Dash Berlin

Till the Sky Falls Down (Dub Mix)

4. Sunlounger

White Sand

5. Leona Lewis

Bleeding Love

6. Justin Timberlake feat. Beyonce

Until the End of Time

Candy Coated Bullshit

I mentioned last week that I had an interview for a new job. Well I had my interview on Friday and although it wasn't amazing, it wasn't horrible either. I had a really bad cold then and still do. I called off of work that day so that don't infect everyone with my illness. My interview was just a phone interview at 11:40 in the morning. It started out well, but then my cough started to kick in followed by the sniffling. The interviewer could tell I was struggling. I could also tell she had a smidge of sympathy for me as well.

One thing that I was not to happy about was when she asked me what I knew about the company. Obviously this should have a been an easy question. However, every single job interview I have had before this, I have always done research on the company. I familiarized myself with their board members, stock prices, products, etc. But to this day I have never been asked what I knew about the company. Therefore I didn't do much research. None actually. I only knew one fact about that company and that was it. So naturally, I had to make up so much bullshit and make it sound intelligent. But I guess that is what job interviewing is all about anyways right?

I hate interviewing. It makes me sweaty and nervous. I am good at it but I still hate it.

I found out yesterday that I have moved to the next stage of interviews. I am not sure when that will be though. I will definitely remember to do some more research on this company.

Look at the Sparklys in the Sky!

One of my fellow bloggers, Troystopher, posted all the zodiac signs and what each represents. I thought I would share mine because I thought it was extremely fitting.

3. GEMINI - Irresistible(the Twins - 21 May - 21 June)
* Nice.
* Love is one of a kind.
* Great listener.
* Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out.
* Trustworthy.
* Always happy.
* Loud.
* Talkative.
* Extremely random and proud of it.
* Outgoing
*VERY Forgiving.
* Loves to make friends.
* Has a beautiful smile.
* Generous.
* Strong.
* The Irresistible one.

You Loooove Me!

First I would like to start this post by saying hello to my bf. He and I both know how nebby he can be, and as much as he doesnt want to read my blog, he continues to. Thats OK, I still wont hold back what I want to write and how I feel. Hello Dear, hope you are had a great day today! Everyone say hello to the bf. He will appreciate the comments.

Moving on to the topic of today. Sorry bf you probably wont like this one. Because of the fact that the bf reads my blog he obviously knows how I feel about him. He knows that I fell in love with him and just how much I love it when he laughs. I think love is an amazing thing. I think its rare and beautiful. It changes lives for the better and for the worst. I actually want to get the word Love tattooed on my side under my arm. Therefore I dont throw around the Love word often. I use it only when I mean it. I have only used that word with my family, a few friends, and only in one relationship.

I think when someone chooses to use that word in a relationship that it definitely should signify where you are within that relationship. When someone can finally be their true self in front of someone without worrying what the other person may think is a big deal. When I would do anything that I could do for someone is a big deal. When I want nothing more but to wake up with someone in my arms every morning thats a big deal. These are all the things I think of when I think of Love, well my type of Love. And I think Love is a big deal.

Therefore when I know I am in Love, and I want to tell my significant other, I want it to be a special moment. I dont just want to say it on the phone at a random moment or if we are just joking around. I said before that I am a die hard romantic. So obviously I have to make it a romantic moment. However, due to the fact that my bf does read my blog, he has brought it to my attention that he knows that I do in fact Love him. He brought it up on Saturday by saying "You Loooove me"!! It a joking manner. It actually caught me a little of guard. He has said it a few other times as well. He has not of course said it back. Fine with me. I want someone to say it only when they mean it.

I did not tell him how I really felt about him yet because there is nothing worse than telling someone you Love them and hearing nothing in return. I know the feeling is not that strong yet for him and I do not have a problem with that, say it when you are ready and actually mean it. Although I still have not told him I Love him, I have just said "Sooo" or just say nothing and smile when he says "You looove me". I can still have that special moment when I finally decide to tell him, but a it wont be that same moment I was hoping for.

Cough Cough...Sniffle Sniffle

Its been exactly one week since my last post. I apologize for my few but loyal readers. I was out 3 days last week for a training session for work. During this training, I came down with an infectious cold that many of my fellow bloggers also seem to be catching. I dont blame them though, I blame the bf. He had it a few days before me, but the flem in his throat and his sniffling nose didnt stop me from making out with him. Only the flu and bad breath can keep me away from those soft tempting lips.

So now for the past 6 days I have seen the progression of this icky cold. My colds always happen the same way.

Day 1: Wake up with sore throat.
Day 2: Wake up with sore throat and sniffly nose
Day 3: Wake up with sore throat and full congested nose
Day 4: Wake up with not so sore throat, congested nose, and a whimper of a cough
Day 5: Wake up with congested nose and occasional cough
Day 6: Wake up with congested nose and full on loud as a motorcycle cough

Thats basically where I am at this point. I tried extremely hard to not cough on the bus on the way to work this morning and it was torture. No one ever wants to be the sick one in a room full of people, so I held back my urge to sniffle and cough. Not only could I not breathe out of my nose, but my cough started to make me squirm in my seat. I could only last about 5 minutes before I let out my lions roar of a cough. Of course everyone looked at me with their faces lit in horror that they now are going to catch my cold. Because of this I walked around the bus and coughed and sneezed on each person. It was like a game of tag. Instead of saying tag you're it. I said tag you're sick. Hehe. Fuck off. I am sick, leave me alone.

I fortunately got to call of sick on Friday due to my airborne and highly contagious cold. So I got to sleep until 11 a.m. and then watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model on MTV for the next 4 hours. I now know how to walk down a run way like Ms. Jay. Well, lets be honest, I was able to walk like that before this show anyways.

Now its time for a little rant about MTV. Sure they dont play music videos anymore. That sucks. Sure they play reruns of the same show over and over again. But please God, if I see one more commercial with Alicia Keys I am going to cut off my ears then pry out my eyeballs with a shiny stainless steel spoon. I am by no means exaggerating when I say that they play a commercial with Alicia Keys in it at least twice per commercial break. Once in the beginning and just in case you forgot who she was, one at the end. This happened EVERY commercial break for 4 hours!!! Of course when the bf and I switched on MTV on Sunday to watch A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, there she was, Alicia at her finest, twice a commercial break. WTF MTV, you are making people hate her instead of like her. I will now not listen to any of her songs for at least 2 years. Good Marketing strategy idiots.

Stand Up for Your Man

This weekend I made the 4 hour trek to DC for last time for a while. It seems like every time I go down there I always get a in a really bad mood for one reason or another. It usually only happens once and usually it occurs at night. Well this time it occurred both nights. The first night we attended two house parties in better than average apts. You cant go wrong with free alcohol can you? Yeah actually you can. I quickly got over the house party scene when I found myself and my bf not really talking to anyone but ourselves. Gay men I feel are hard to talk to because the entire time you are chatting you know they are judging you and everything that is coming out of your mouth and I am bad at small talk anyways so that doesn't help.

The second night we went to see Armin Van Buuren at Ibiza nightclub. It was a very large beautiful nightclub. Coat check line was insane and expensive. $5 for someone to put your coat on a hanger is frankly outrageous. Next time I plan to freeze my ass off while I wait to get in the door. I decided not to drink that night mostly for the fact that drinks are $12 a glass, and I am saving up to buy the bf a nice b-day gift. So we danced in the over crowded nightclub. They let way too many people in therefore dancing consisted of swaying from side to side. Fun. I was doin my hardcore swayin when I noticed that the bf was getting into an argument with someone. I of course worked my way through the crowd to get to him and started to scream at one of the guys that were arguing with him. I dont know why I said what I said, I am guessing to scare him. I quote, " You are fucking with the wrong people tonight, I suggest you back off!" I guess thats the first thing that came to my mind. Although we did have 5 people in our group all who are pretty big guys. So I think he got the idea.

Later on in the night there was a another fight ensuing right next to my and the bf and I immediately got between the people fighting and him. I just wanted to make sure he wasnt going to get hit my a stray fist or push. I would have much rather taken the hit them him getting it. This reminds me of the day when I was in a fight and he tried to pull me away from the other guy. Well thats when I got punched in the face. I guess we have different ways of handling these situations. My reaction is to man up and defend my man, and his is to try to avoid confrontation at all costs. They both work, I like mine better.

New Job on the Horizon?!

Well I found out Friday that I have a job interview with the company I wanted to work for. So I will be spending this week doing alot of research on the job position. For those trivia gurus out there, I currently work in the 3rd tallest skyscraper in Pittsburgh and the company I am interviewing with is in the tallest skyscraper in Pittsburgh. Name those buildings!

I really hope this goes well. I am fairly decent at interviewing, so hopefully I can woo them with my background. I think the only thing hindering me is the fact that I am quitting thise job to go to that one and I have only worked here for 5 months. This new job will mean alot of things for me. I will get to stay in Pittsburgh. I will get to move out of my apt and away from my retched roommate which may mean I get to find a place to live with the bf! I will have more financial security cause it pays more which is always nice. But ultimately I will be able to hopefully start a long term career. No one likes jumping from job to job. I want a career that I love and that will fulfill me. Hopefully this will be that for me. That is of course if I get offered the job.

Bad Case of the Fridays

I was up til 2 am last night downloading music for my trip to DC today which has left me a huge pile of worthlessness. I cant do anything and my eyes keep fluttering in the attempt to shut for a quick little nappy nap. The only great thing about today is that I am leaving work at 1130. Woohoo!

I am pretty excited about this trek to DC. I messaged an old friend whom I was best friends with in my college that I attended 3 years ago before I transferred. He lives in DC near Capital Hill and that's where I will be staying. I haven't seen him since the beginning of the year so it will be nice to catch up with him.

Also, while on my commute to downtown this morning, one of my sisters called me. My relationship with this sister is odd, because we are the exact same age, but out of all my sisters I talk to her the least so I definitely thought something must be wrong since she is calling me at 7:45 in the morning. It turns out that she is also going to DC this weekend. She lives in Pittsburgh like me, so its odd that we are both going there for the weekend. I am hoping we can hang out and then she can finally meet my bf. :)

I am leaving for DC at 1:30 today! I am driving so I hope I do not fall asleep at the wheel which is quite possible with how tired I am today.

The White Stuff

It snowed in Pittsburgh today! It may have only of been for 3 minutes, but winter is definitely upon us. It happened during my 30 minute daily stroll through the city on my lunch break. As much as I hate snow, it allows for me to drink hot chocolate and be merry and jolly. In no time at all it will be Christmas. WooHoo!

Black & Gold

I would just like to congratulate the Pittsburgh Steelers on kicking the Baltimore Ravens asses last night. Incase you missed the butt-whooping, the final score was 38-7. Victory is so fun isn't it?

Hair, Hair, and More Hair

I finally cut off all of my hair yesterday. It started to get a little crazy so I decided to take the clippers to my head. And when I say that I cut it, I actually mean that I cut my own hair. I have all too many times received bad haircuts which I pay too much for. My mother used to be a hair stylist so after watching her do it for years I thought I would give it a try. I have been cutting my own hair for many years now. I usually wear my hair with that messy sort of spikey look. It worked for me, but I decided I was due for a change. You know, to keep Pittsburgh on its toes. I was a little nervous though cutting it so short. The bf feels the need to constantly remind me that my hair is getting a little thin. All the men in my family are bald. Grandpap is bald, all of my uncles are bald, and my older brother is definitely losing his hair. Its only a matter of time before people start to rub my bald Buddha head. So after enough ridicule from the bf I finally made the big step and purchased a bottle of Rogain. I used it for the first time today. Not only is this shit expensive, but it smells pretty bad too. It says it takes around 2 months before you start to see results, and frankly, I am someone who likes to see immediate results, so we will see if I can keep this up.

Tastykake Donuts & Sour Stinkers

Today sucks. My buddy/cubemate at work is not here today nor are half the people in my office. The only positive thing about not having people at my work is that I get to go and sit in their offices that overlook the entire city of Pittsburgh. We are two floors from the top of our skyscraper building so it makes for quite a view. Its also nice because on one side of the building I can look at Heinz Field and PNC Park or I can look out another window for the view of the city.

I have not done one ounce of work yet today. I have no ambition when no one is here. This makes for time for me to read blogs and find things to do in other cities. Holy Crap. I almost forgot. Today doesnt fully suck because one of my websites that I frequented that had been blocked a few months ago....is no longer blocked. Perez Hilton has once again entered my life on my 14 inch work laptop screen. This made my day. It just isnt the same visiting his site on my little blackberry screen.

I have been eating the same lunch all this week and I stocked up on all the same lunch foods for next week too. Nothing to me is better than milano cookies, tastykake chocolate donuts, a bag of pretzels, and a Bowl Appetite *Which is amazing for only $1.50 at your local Target. I am bound to get tired of this lunch by Tuesday. That sux.

At the gym yesterday some gym-goer was pooping their pants as they pumped iron. I would be on my 3rd rep of my preacher curls and all a sudden some sort of funktastic poo smell would overwhelm me . It was so bad I would look around to see people gagging. Which of course made me start gagging. It was that bad. Some fuh reek was queefing an abnormal, sour, poo laced stinker from his/her butt. Naturally you would move to a different end of the gym to remove yourself from the stinky cloud of musk. It would be fine smelling the natural smells of the gym. Hot mens sweating in their manly jockish outfits. The natural smell of testosterone is quite enjoyable sometimes. But somehow this aroma filled the gym. People were looking around trying to pin point the anti-glade plugin, but somehow they disguised themselves as a regular person. Asshole. I think it was the angertwink in the corner. You would never guess it was him. Good disguise. If your ass drops something in your underwear in the gym, at least you can own it. Say "Thats right motherfuckers, that came from my ass!" Be proud of your bodily air. Good or bad. Its only fair.

Please Live In Me!

That's what the loft said to me as both my bf and I said as we entered the new apartment we were looking at. It was quite the little haven. It was very big, huge ceilings, decent kitchen, and heat and A/C are included in the rent. Now if we would so happen to move into this place it would be $100 cheaper then the asking price. Thanks to my negotiating skills of course. $1100 for a 2 bdrm loft in a trendy and hip part of Pittsburgh with free off street parking is quite the steal.

Now what sucks about this whole thing is that we both went into this basically just to check things out and have fun. We both decided that it is not the smartest thing to move in together yet. Mainly for financial reasons but also because we dont want to make the mistake of moving in together too soon. He feels that once he moves in with someone that they basically are married. I sort of agree, but for me I never think of it being that extreme. Even if I were married I would act the same way. I am dedicated to someone even if there isnt a ring on my finger. But I definitely understand his point of view. Its just nice to think about being able to see him everyday and wake up next to each other every morning.

This also reminds of a conversation I heard over the weekend about people being clingy. I never thought about it much, but I think I am definitely clingy. Which is very much a bad thing. I am not sure what makes a clingy person clingy, but I am sure that I am. Poop.

Songs of the Second

1. Ferry Corsten

Beautiful

2. Starkillers

Scream

3. Ida Corr

Let Me Think About It (Fedde le Grand Remix)

4. Plumb

In My Arms

5. Dogzilla

Frozen

I Love His Laugh

I love his laugh. I really do. This is going to be sort of one of those mushy lovey dovey posts. Sorry for those haters out there. Anyways. There is just something about his laugh that just makes my heart melt. I thought about this yesterday in the car driving home from DC with him. Everytime he laughed he just seemed completely happy even just for those few seconds.

The bf seemed to be a weird mood last night. A good weird though. After our drive back to Pittsburgh from DC we stayed at his place so we could watch the movie "300"*amazing by the way*, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters. I know I know. But we are gay so its ok. He was just in a big cuddly warm mood. I love when he gets like that. I am all about being romantic and lovey and stuff. Its just me. He however is not really like that. So when he is, I get excited and it makes my day.

So after I left his place to go back to mine I just thought about how lucky I a really am for finding someone. I read peoples blogs that are trying to find someone, and it just makes me feel so fortunate. The past 4 months have made me develop some serious feelings for him. I know at this point I would love to wake up next to him every morning and fall asleep with him every night. I want to be the person that makes him happy and laugh.

I am falling in love.

The Days After DC

Happy Monday! I am finally in the office for the next few weeks, other then for the next two days, so looks like I can finally start posting regularly again. WooHoo!

So. My weekend in DC went pretty well. Normal weekend overall. Dressed up in my referee costume on Friday.*Ill post pics in the next few days!* Went to a party where they had the strongest jungle juice I have ever had. Proceeded to go to Apez, the DC gay club. Good times. The manager of the club apparently is from Pittsburgh and somehow found out we were all from the Burgh. He gave us all a free shot of Tequila. This was the beginning of the end for me. I knocked back the liquid death and searched around for the nearest chaser. My RedBull vodka was the only thing I could find. Whatev, it worked. I didnt puke. Well not yet anyway. I almost must inform you that we were the ONLY ones in costume in this club. Apparently not very many people like to get in costume for halloween. Thank god our costumes screamed SEX. Otherwise I am sure we would have got weird stares.

It wasnt until I got back to our hotel that things started not to work in my favor. I walked in the door and unleashed my fury in the bathroom. I puked up all that nights activities. Jungle Juice, Rum & Coke, RebBull Vodka, and of course, the loved Tequila. Which is now on my hate list. I hate puking up liqour. It burns like the flames from hell. So me mixed with puking, being drunk, tired, and in a bad mood, for some reason all those things made me cry. I have no idea why. I hate showing that emotion in front of other people. My bf was there to hold my hair as I hurled up my alcohol. Luckily my hair is short so there is nothing to really hold onto. But he rubbed my back and continued to be a good bf. As much as I hate having someone eatch me puke, its always nice to have someone there still.

This is turning out to be a long post. Sorry.

The next day we went to DuPont Circle. Nothing to exciting. I could eat lunch or drink anything but water. My stomach was still up in arms over the endurance test I put it through the night before. Went to the gym in the hotel, yacked immediatly following. I knew that was going to happen but I had no choice but to workout. I was going to be wearing basically next to nothing for tonights costume. My wrestling singlet was so short my butt kept falling out of it. Eew. I know. But I have a nice booty so it wasnt too bad. I froze my ass off all night at the party. My group of friends costumes were as follows: Wrestler *Me!, Robin from batman and robin*the bf, a pirate, a sailor, and a fambloyant soldier. Fun Fun. My favorite costume at the party at our friends rooftop penthouse, was a man dressed in a muslim womans bourka. Yeah not too funny yet. Well he would lift up the bourka though he was wearing some really sexy womans underwear a garter belt fishnet stalkings and heels. What was he you ask? A Muslim prostitute. He kept walking around making those noises the terrorist people made after 9/11. Remember. Funny stuff. So naturally some really funny and completly inappropriate pictures were taken. Ex. Muslim prostitue giving head to a soldier. Muslim prostiture being shot my soldier execution style, etc, etc.

Night ended. I was freezing. The bf and I went back to the hotel alone! I thought we were going to have the place to ourselves. So we did what two gay men that are dating normally do. Until one of our friends walked in. In mid thrust, and my bfs legs in the air, we stopped. My friend was so drunk he didnt even realize what was happening. Fun.

That is my weekend in DC. Cant wait to go back again in two weeks!

And bloggers spellcheck isnt working so I am assuming I misspelled alot of words and now cant fix them. Ahwell.

Goin to DC...Again

Just wondering if there are any places that anyone would suggest to go to thats fun and cheap. Any help is appreciated!

Parents, Insults, and More...

On Saturday my parents and the boyfriend met. Everything went really well. It was only slightly awkward. My mom asked him alot of questions about what he does for a living, family, etc. Nothing about him and I. Thank God. I think he felt weird around my dad though. Apparently my dad wouldnt look him in the eye. I guess that could cause some uneasiness. My 3 brothers treated him like anyone else. Although they are 15 and younger so I am sure they still dont fully understand. Things got a little weird in the house so we went outside and played trampoline basketball where my oldest youngest brother who is 15 years old, proceeded to tackle the bf and take him out by his knees. After we won the game thanks to my amazing basketball skills we called it a day at my house and went to dinner. Blah Blah Blah. Nothing else really exciting happened. My parents were nice to him, and he was nice to my parents. And my dog got really fat.

So moving on to the insults portion of this post. I was warned by my boyfriend that one of his friends who I havent met yet, will probably test my buttons to see how I will react to their comments. Well I finally met them Saturday night and needless to say she pushed the wrong buttons. Its one thing to be funny and say smart ass comments. I can handle that. But when someone insults me, its not acceptable. So this girl said many things to me that made me upset. Not only did she say I am weird and dance weird *no one insults my dancing!*, but she said that my boyfriend can do better than me! Yeah I know! She is obviously a bitch. So she said those things and I was waiting for a smile or a laugh from her, and I got nothing. Actually, right after she said those things she just walked away. I was stunned and pissed. So on the way back home, I told the bf what had occurred and he proceeded to defend her!

I was quite hurt that he would do that. Now I didnt tell him everything she had said to me, because the statement that he could do better than me really hit my heart for some reason. So I left that out. So he continued to defend her and actually started to back up his defense by talking about how my brothers were tackling him while we were playing basketball. Stupid I know! Long story short he kept on asking me what other stuff what said and I told him. I think he felt bad after that, and assured me he doesnt feel that way and apologized. By that point I was already over the situation. But I knew he felt bad. Thats all that matters to me.

I am writing this post from Milwaukee, WI. Its not so bad here. I went downtown for dinner at a place called Kil@Wat. It was really amazing. It was very trendy and fun. Food was amazing. If you are ever in Milwaukee, check it out. It still sucks to be alone in a different city though. Eating alone and sleeping in a big bed alone really reminds you that you are by yourself. Ugh.

Meet the Parents

Quick Update:

Kentucky wasn't nearly as bad as I envisioned. I was about two blocks away from the University of Kentucky so I always had nice eye candy to look at. Within two miles was a huge mall and all types of restaurants. Cant complain much about my stay there. They actually have better radio stations there than they do in Pittsburgh.

Now, moving on with what the title of this post has to do with. Tomorrow I am driving up north to see my parents. No big deal. EXCEPT I am bringing the bf with me. I told my mom I was bringing him a few days ago. I prefaced that with telling her that we are sort of looking for a place together too*which by the way isn't happening for a while because of money problems*. So once I told her we were looking to move in with one another I told her I was bringing him with me to see them. There was silence for about 10 seconds and she replied "So you must really like him then?" I of course said I do and that's why I want them to meet him. I told her she needs to make us her world famous french toast for brunch. She agreed. Fun Fun Fun. This is the first time I am letting them meet someone while we are both acknowledging he is my boyfriend. This is very exciting to me.

It is not as exciting for my boy though. He is extremely nervous. I assured him that it will be no different then meeting a friends parents, but I can still sort of understand his anxiety. I haven't seen my parents since the beginning of July. I have never gone that long without seeing them. I really miss them and I cant wait to meet the person who is making my life happy now.

Yay!

Songs of the Second

1. Stefy

Chelsea

2. Wink

Higher State of Consciousness (TV Rock & Dirty South Remix)

3. JJ Flores & Steve Smooth

Deep Inside These Walls **This is a very HOT video if you like looking at sexy women like I do!

4. Alex Gaudino feat. Crystal Waters

Destination Calabria

Babe, Get the UHaul

This weekend was mostly uneventful. My friends came down from Erie, visited all the local gay bars. Blah Blah Blah. On Saturday night I got absolutely wasted. Being drunk is getting really old. I feel like I am the drunk one of all my friends. That needs to change. We ended up going to my favorite club Diesel. Its a straight club but they play the best music and have good ventilation. I dont know what I did differently when I was getting ready but I have never been hit on by so many girls in one night. As soon as I walked in and went to the bar, a girl bought me a drink and was hitting on me, before I broke the news that I put my penis in my bf's butt. She smiled said she loves gay men and when on her merry way to hook up with some other male whore. After that I got hit on roughly 3 or 4 more times. It was great. It always feels good to be hit on by a girl cause it lets you know you arent as gay as you think you are. So after 5 too many redbull vodkas I guess I was pretty belligerent. I guess on the way home from the bars to my house, I cried when Father Figure by George Michael came on the radio. *I of course dont remember that happening. I do however have issues of never knowing my real father, so it is possible.* And apparently I also said some other things to the bf that he wont reveal to me.

The bf really wants me to move out of my apt. He hates my roommate almost as much as I do. He hates the 4 cats that she owns and the fact that they shed all over my stuff. So he is always looking for new places around Pittsburgh. He knows I cant afford anywhere by myself and that I need a roommate. We both agreed that we would wait a year before we would consider moving in together. However, it appears he has changed his mind because he said that we should look for a place together cause "there is no point beating around the bush." Well I cannot agree more. I think we are very good together and we both want this for the long term. He found this amazing loft in a very trendy part of Pittsburgh that is very fitting for us. I really look forward to see how soon this happens. We are both a little strapped for cash at the moment, cause he just bought a new car, and my brother borrowed alot of money from me. But its exciting to think about starting a life with him, his ferrets, and a dog that want to buy once we move.

BoooYah Batman!

The title of this post actually has nothing to do with it, sorry for you batman enthusiasts, I just couldnt think of a creative title. This is actually the second time I am writing this post cause the first time I accidently pushed some wrong button and it erased everything. Anyways.

The Good News....Two of my best friends from Erie, PA *my old home, will be coming down to visit me this weekend. They are a young gay couple whom I met at work. *Hint: For those that like trivia, it is the second largest company in the US. Good Luck* I will be showing them the hot spots around Pittsburgh. They are far and few between but I know where to go. On another high note, my little sister who started college this year in South Carolina will be coming to Pittsburgh this weekend as well. Yay for me!

The bad news....I am in Kentucky all next week so I wont be able to blog as much cause I actually have to do work while I am there. Then after next week I am in Milwaukee for that whole week. Stinkers, I know. So blogging will not happen as frequent for a while, but I will still drop by at night and post a little something from my hotel.

Have a good Weekend Peeps!

Now Answer Me This....

I have been seeing a high influx of people now visiting my blog and sending me emails showing interest in what I have to say. Thank you!

So I figured for fun I thought I would ask everyone who reads this to tell me where you are from, how old you are, and any additional info about you as well.

Thnx

Ex Boyfriend Dramz

Yesterday I received an email from my last ex-bf. Apparently he couldnt fall asleep so he thought he would write me an email at 5 am. To give you a little background info on him, we dated for 2.5 years and that relationship ended in this past January. He was a great boyfriend but I know things werent going to last for us. We were way too different. And we both knew it. We still keep in contact and talk to eachother at least once a week. Continuing on with the story now, his email to me was very long. He explained that he is still not over me and that he is having alot of issues with me dating my current bf. He wrote that he would take me back in a heartbeat if I ever wanted to. Long story short I told my current bf about the letter only because I want to be open with him and not hold anything back from him. He definitely wasnt happy about this email. He feels as if my ex is trying to win me back and is meddling with our relationship.

I explained to him that he is just having trouble moving on and told him that I would not ever go back to him and that he has nothing to worry about. I can definitely understand why he would be upset and so I am going to tell my ex to back off a bit because I dont want him to put a strain on my current relationship. Its not fair to my current bf or to myself.

Lubey Dubey Doo

Recently the bf and I went on the search for nothing other than some good ol' lube. I had probably the worst type of lubricant known to man. Equate Lubrication purchased from Wal Mart for the bargain price of 4 dollars. I didnt care what I bought when I purchased that because thats when I wasnt having sex anyways, so I didnt care. It was clumpy, thick, and sticky as all hell. So as I said we needed to go shopping. And shopping at no other than the amazing porn store. Best selection of lube ever! I went initially wanting a spray-on lube to help with the messiness of getting it on your hands and other places. After talking with a very knowledgeable worker on the ins and outs of lube I quickly changed my preference. I was informed that silicone based is the best because it allows you to use it in water. Holler! The Bf wanted the brand Wet. That is what he uses and its just so-so. They have a platinum version of the lube though. He talked me into getting it. $15 for a tiny bottle. I guess I never really knew the prices of good lube cause I was shocked at the price tag. Needless to say, it is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! I dont know how to describe it, but it is unlike any other lube I have tested. The best part is, is that you dont need to use much at all. A few drops here and there and you can have 2 minutes of pure ecstasy.

For all those on the market for some lubrication I highly suggest it.

You're a homo....Tell someone

Well as gay blogs all across the nation are commenting, it is National Coming Out Day! Holy Moly Macaroni and Cheese the gays have their own national day! But I guess its discriminatory to the people who have already taken that step in their life. Oh well, maybe a National Gay Day maybe only a few years away. As I posted a few days ago I still haven't officially come out to my parents yet. Not a huge deal because they already know anyways. I really should be the big brave black woman I know that I am deep down inside and just inform them that their son likes hot, sweaty, muscular, manly men. Well maybe say it without getting into that much detail. Although I don't think I will tell them today only because I haven't had time to think about it much, and you really need to commit to something like coming out to your parents.

I do however want to tell my workmate. We have really bonded over the past few months. We both hate our job and want to quit pretty soon. He tells me everything that is going on in his life and I have to makeup stuff about stuff that is going on in mine. Its not fair to him or myself to continue to not tell the truth. He is very religious, but I think he would still be accepting. I just wish people would ask me if I am gay. It would make this coming out thing so much easier. But I guess my burly man image just hides it to well.*I wish that were true

So in the meantime I guess this is where I can urge others to take the plunge that I have yet to take. So go ahead, tell the world you're gay, and in about 8 months wear nothing but a rainbow speedo on a float and celebrate your outness at Gay Pride!

Just a little FYI for the heritage of National Coming Out Day:

National Coming Out Day was founded by Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary on October 11, 1988 in celebration of the first gay march on Washington D.C. a year earlier. The purpose of the march and of National Coming Out Day is to promote government and public awareness of gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender rights and to celebrate homosexuality.

Now go spread the word of the gay.

Music Shiznat

My iPod broke. It only plays out of the right side of my headphones. So now when I am listening to it I tend to walk to the right to follow the music. I took it to the Apple store in hopes that being the wonderful people they are they could fix it. Sadly no. In fact they made it worse. Apparently my warranty ended a month ago, so they tried to load some new software on it to see if that would work, which of course it didnt. However, when they did that, they reset my iPod. It erased everything off of it. No biggie I can just sync my iTunes to it again. Nope. That would be too easy. I keep getting an error message telling me to reset my ipod. Which I do. And then an error message comes up. I cried. All of my roommates cats cried. We all cried together. And I cant get my iPod to work now. Shit.

Stop Asking me Questions Biatch!

Last night I was on the phone with a friend who I haven't talked to in almost a year. Its always sort of awkward when you dont talk to someone in that long because the comfort level that was once there is now gone. Its always nice to catch up though. So this friend is an old friend from high school who knew I was gay before I did. Apparently I looked at guys asses alot. Whatev. You do it too. So she is really quirky and weird and started asking me all these random questions about myself just to see how much I have changed. After answering all of them I decided I would try to remember most of them so I can blog about them. I will change around the question so it is more fitting for you guys.

Is my hair still brown? Yes

What type of shoes am I wearing? Diesel

When was the last time I had sex? Sunday....Twice

What is my favorite day of the week? Friday

Do I trim? *Wasnt sure about what exactly she meant about this one, but I said yes anyways.

Am I in love? On my way there

Am I a pitcher or a catcher? Prefer to pitch but can catch on occasion

Favorite fast food place? McDonalds

Do I still want to have sex with my friend who asked me all these questions? Always and forever!


Well now all of you know a little more about me.

Supplements and More Supplements

As I mentioned before, I have finally put my ass back in the gym. I lost almost 10 lbs of muscle since the beginning of the year and I knew I needed to get back into my gym routine. Halloween is only a few weeks away and I needed a little jump start for my body so it looks good in the costumes I am wearing. So last night I spent way to much money on a top of the line protein powder and a nitric oxide powder called N.O. Explode. I look forward to using both of these alot. My trainer said I can definitely gain 10-15 lbs by the end of the year in muscle if I keep up my routine. I have already noticed a huge difference in my body and I have only been going for 2 weeks. Bigger arms, bigger legs, bigger ass * I love a big booty. I thought about posting pictures of the progress, but I am deciding against it. Today is Chest/Triceps/Thighs/Hamstrings/Abs day. Yay!

Hottie/Nottie

Are you in a hottie/nottie relationship? I dont think I am. Now I am assuming most of you have no idea what a hottie/nottie relationship is. I didnt until my coworker *who I think secretly reads this blog since I am posting on it all day, told me what this was. It is when one of the people are hot and the other is not. See. Hottie/nottie relationship. We have all seen it. The beautiful woman with the less than average guy. We automatically think he is rollin in the dough. I actually was reading Dan Savages, Savage Love, when I read about a guy that is married but cheats on his wife with trashy, supposedly not pretty women. He was sexually attracted to people who were not what society would say was attractive. I just thought that was sort of intertesting.

Lexington, Kentucky?

It appears that for work next week I will be in Lexington, KY for 5 days. I am hoping it is not as redneck and country as I am imagining. I am staying downtown, which I am not sure what "downtown" consists of. If anyone knows the area, feel free to give me some suggestions.

Mom....I'm gay

So I have basically been a huge bum at work again today due to reading random blogs. Today was a day I have dedicated to reading coming out stories. They are always fascinating to me and are sort of uplifting. Mostly everyone in my life knows about my orientation which for the most part is very good. All of my 4 sisters know. They acknowledge it and have met my current Bf and like him just as much as I do. Thank god! However, everyone else in my immediate family sort of knows but we dont talk about it. I have never really told any of my 4 brothers or my mom or dad. I never really had to. I started bringing around my last boyfriend alot, so they sort of got the hint. They let me know they are ok with the gay thing without really saying so. The person I want to talk to more about this aspect of my life is my mom. We are very close. I am her favorite kid. Out of 9. She doesnt say it, but I know its true. The favorite kid always knows when they are the special one. It sucks because I talk to her about everything that is going on in my life except this aspect. Considering I have a new boyfriend who I really really like and alot of my life has to do with him and our mutual gay friends, a huge chunk of my life she is in the dark with. I feel bad because I feel that out of everyone who should know this and who I should talk to it about, it should be her. And its not.

Since she already knows, I should just say one day on the phone, "Hey Gurl, I have a new boyfriend. And we have been dating for almost 4 months." And just be silent. Well, maybe leave the hey gurl part out. I hope sometime soon I can start to be open with all of my life, and not just the boring stuff.

Free Doesn't always Mean Good

Since Saturday was an absolutely fabulous day, the Bf and I decided to drive to the amazing Pittsburgh Zoo. We got stuck in traffic twice. Once on the way there because of construction. During this time I decided that he would love nothing more then to hear me sing and rap to the radio and my cds. He loved it. He cant wait for it to happen again. The second time we got stuck in traffic was because of the high flow of cars into and out of the zoo. I thought this was odd because I couldn't figure out why everyone decided to go to the zoo today. Well after finding a parking spot what seemed like a mile away from the zoo, we go to the terminals where the little zoo man cashier lady told us that it was free to get in. Then in dawned on me. Anytime anything is free you better expect to see people that usually live in caves and dumpsters. And not just a few of those people, but a plethora of them. Everywhere you looked, you could hear and smell these people. At one point I was counting the amount of teeth one family had. I counted 13.

It was way too crowded. It was the Bfs first time at the zoo so I wanted him to really enjoy it. It was hard when we couldn't get to the viewing windows because there were so many people. It doesn't help that he is a little on the short side too therefore he couldn't even see over peoples heads like I can. Not only was it crowded, but it was HOT as hell. It didn't help that I was wearing a new black t-shirt from Andrew Christian. I also bought a nice fun jockstrap. Sorry. I digress. The aquarium portion of the zoo was the most crowded. Way too crowded for the fish as well. I just knew the fish were laughing, because as ironic as it was, we looked like sardines smashed in a can. The fish loved it. We did not.

See what I mean. Free Doesn't always Mean Good.

I actually didn't want to end the post so abruptly, but I lost the desire to continue to keep writing.

Picky Paula

The bf and I had are first little fight on Friday. I always look forward to the first fight because it gives you a good sense of the type of communicator the other person is. The fight was my fault. The bf basically said I am way to picky and am never happy with anything that he decides for us to do. Whether that is going to a certain restaurant, I am never satisfied with my food. If we go to a bar, I never have a good time, etc. This really bothered him. I never really thought about it before. I know that I am picky when it comes to my food and I would say most of the time I will pick something apart. Because of this, he doesn't want to make any more decisions of what we do.

I am glad this was something that we both agreed could be easily fixed. I agreed to not pick things apart and try to keep negative comments to myself when it comes to food. He still feels uneasy about making any decisions which I am trying to change. There was no yelling, actually me being very quiet and not saying much consumed most of the time. It also helped that I was drunk because it gave me the opportunity to bring up a few other things that were bothering me. Such as him making plans to hang out with me, then sort of ditching me. Whatev, no big deal though. So after all that conversing about me being to picky, we had great sex. Probably the best so far. I was happy. He was happy too. We slept happily ever after.

***Note. Picky Paula originates from a cute little thing the Bf and I do. Instead of just calling the other grouchy, crabby, mean, or smelly, we attach people names to them to make it that much more fun. So there is Horny Harrison, Silly Sally, Demanding Deborah, Tired Timmy, and of course Picky Paula.

Sleepless in Pittsburgh

Holy Moly Shit am I tired today. I put down about 3 hours of sleep last night. I wish I could say this is abnormal, but for me, this is all to reminiscent of every night of the week. I am not sure if my body is always in weekend mode where I am up til 4 every night or what but I am not sure how much more I can take of this. I cant focus on anything while I am at work, so I just blog and read other peoples blogs. Actually I think I am sort of addicted to it. I try to fit in a little work everyday but it is hard when you can barely keep your eyes open.

I talked to the bf this morning about it when he called me because there was a rock slide and he was going to be about an hour late for work. He knows I rarely get a full nights sleep and suggests that I get some sort of medication to help. My mind just runs as soon as my head hits the pillow. I cant stop from thinking about really anything from the bf, family, work, fisting. Well maybe not fisting. I have really tried many remedies that I have read online. I tried breathing techniques, reading, listening to music, and nothing works. It sucks because I am tired all damn day but as soon as its time for me to sleep I am wide awake.

I need some damn sleep.

Movie Quote

This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. - "Garden State"

Well thats a little bit inspirational.

Snippage

Another intelligent conversation between the bf, the crazy cat lady roommate(CCLR), and myself, about uncircumcised penises occurred recently. It was 2 against 1. The CCLR and myself agreed that they are not fun or pretty and should be snipped. My bf on the other hand is an avid fan. Now I dont have much experience with the penis that wears a permanent turtleneck, but I know the first time I had to touch one back in February with an ex, I had no idea what to do with it. I am glad I was drunk cause it probably made it much easier to handle. For the two months that we dated, I was never really sure what to do with all that extra "clothing". I think they personally look funny and resemble this. Now I dont knock anyone that was never clipped, and obviously some people have a liking to them, but I will always prefer a crewneck to a turtleneck.

2 more trips to DC

Well two more trips to the wonderful Washington DC have been planned. From October 26-28 my friends and I will be trick or treating all weekend long. Then we will be back on November 9-11 to see Armin Van Buren at Ibiza nightclub. The more I come to DC the more I wish I could have taken the job with the CIA there when I had the chance.

Another Quickie

Does anyone think I am setting myself up for failure when I say I just want to find that one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am still very young and have no interest in hookups or being single. I think its rare for someone like myself to find someone around the same age as myself who feels the same way. The words gay and long term are almost opposites it seems like. That may just be another stereotype, but I am worried that I am just being naive. As I said before, things are going swell with my bf and myself, but I constantly thinking about future. I probably should just focus on the present.

The Workout Plan

Today starts the day of a new life for myself. I have decided that my body needs some work so I finally purchased a membership at the Bally's in downtown Pittsburgh. All of my friends have amazing bodies and lets face no one wants to be the fat one. Although I am not fat just not very muscular like I used to be. I meet with my trainer today and I need to let him know I want to gain 10 lbs by the end of the year. I think thats doable but I am worried about what type of diet he is going to make me have. The motivation for me at least for this month is halloween. My group of friends and I are all going to DC for halloween. We each need two costumes and both costumes are going to be part of a theme. I know I know but we are gay and shallow. J/K, well sort of. The first night we are all going as football players. However I was chosen to be the hot sexy referee. After looking at the costume I know know I need to bulk up. However its not for that costume that I need to bulk up for as much as the one for the second night. I am going to be a wrestler for night #2.

So I am going to start my protein shakes today and my vitamens. I plan to workout at least 4 days a week. Hopefully I can accomplish my goal. I can build muscle pretty easily so I hope I can get the results I want.

Not only do I want to be more healthy, but I want to be more positive. I have found myself complaining and bitching way too much. I am going to attempt to let things go and try to not let things get to me as much. Being negative isnt very fun.

Wish me luck!

Untitled

Happy Monday People!

Moving on. My wonderful boyfriend and I had another great weekend together. However there were some instances where I felt uneasy about a few things. First things first. Saturday night was a boardgame night with all my gays and myself. Its nice to stay in every so often and skip the bar scene. So at a sex toy party a few months ago, I bought a game called Who's the Biggest Pervert. It was definitely a fun game to play, but when you have your current boyfriend with you and your boyfriends ex there, things come out that you dont want to hear.

My boyfriends ex is also his best friend, which I don't feel any jealousy or anything and he has assured me that nothing would ever happen between the two of them again. So I am completely fine with their current relationship. However while we were playing this game, the ex would tell stories about their past sex life. And not just any regular sex stories, but wild and crazy sort of sex stories. At this point I felt completely uncomfortable. I am not sure if it was jealousy or what but I know I dont want to hear about stuff like that. It sucks cause it was my fault it was brought up anyways because I brought the game.

The other problem I am having is that my boyfriend tells me horrible things have happened in his life. These things have effected him so much that he has lost that sense of sad emotion causing him to lose the ability to cry. Curious about this, I brought it up and he said he doesnt like to talk about it cause it makes him depressed. So I am not sure if it is me being selfish or not, but I still would like to know what happened to him only because maybe I can get a better understanding of why he acts certain ways or handles certain situations. I have opened up about much of my life and certainly I have had some pretty bad things happen in my life as well. But I feel that if i want to fall in love with someone I want to know all about them. I know I dont want to push the subject, so hopefully he will decide to open up a little more cause I am really falling for him.

Songs of the Second

1.Lifehouse

-Broken

2.Mika

-Relax, Take it Easy

3.Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

-Your Guardian Angel

4.Fergie Feat. Sean Kingston

-Big Girls Dont Cry (Remix)

5.DJ Tiesto

-Lethal Industry

Random Thought

I need to find a good eye cream because I think I am starting to form bags under my eyes. That shouldn't be happening when you're only 22. Any suggestions?

Babysittin

My psycho brother asked me to babysit his 3 year old son. Naturally having the motherly instincts that I have, I was thrilled to watch the little shit. So my brother dropped him off at my apt which I have now realized is not at all kid friendly. With two spiral staircases, hardwood floors, and 4 cats, this could have been a disaster. Everything went well. He calls me Uncle Jeffy, so how can you not love that. I took him grocery shopping with me at the most expensive and ghetto Giant Eagle I have ever been to. While loading him into my car, he was extremely excited yelling "race car race car!", and apparently he had never seen a sunroof before cause he didnt once take his eyes off of it. Now at this Giant Eagle everything was almost twice the price then WalMart. So I will continue to make the 20 minute drive to shop at America's favorite store. He was good for the most part, only begging for me to buy him Shrek cereal, which turned out to be a good buy anyways cause it is pretty damn good.

After shopping, I thought we would go for a walk around the North Shore along the river so he can see the city and the fountain at The Point. He would randomly sit on the sidewalk, Indian style *criss-crossed is the new term, and pull me down next to him and put his head on my arm. Can he be any cuter! He saw some ducks and immediately started quacking scaring them all away. He didnt want to leave putting up a good fight trying to stay but I was hungry and wanted some Shrek cereal.

The rest of the night went pretty well. The season premiere of Grey's Anatomy was on, and I am addicted so I attempted to watch that as he played with his cars on the floor. He is very well behaved and I am very thankful for that.

Overall it was a great experience for me. I know that I would need to keep a stock of RedBulls around because I dont have the energy to keep up with kids. I think I need another 5 years before I really consider becoming a dad.