Songs of the Second

1. Ferry Corsten

Beautiful

2. Starkillers

Scream

3. Ida Corr

Let Me Think About It (Fedde le Grand Remix)

4. Plumb

In My Arms

5. Dogzilla

Frozen

I Love His Laugh

I love his laugh. I really do. This is going to be sort of one of those mushy lovey dovey posts. Sorry for those haters out there. Anyways. There is just something about his laugh that just makes my heart melt. I thought about this yesterday in the car driving home from DC with him. Everytime he laughed he just seemed completely happy even just for those few seconds.

The bf seemed to be a weird mood last night. A good weird though. After our drive back to Pittsburgh from DC we stayed at his place so we could watch the movie "300"*amazing by the way*, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters. I know I know. But we are gay so its ok. He was just in a big cuddly warm mood. I love when he gets like that. I am all about being romantic and lovey and stuff. Its just me. He however is not really like that. So when he is, I get excited and it makes my day.

So after I left his place to go back to mine I just thought about how lucky I a really am for finding someone. I read peoples blogs that are trying to find someone, and it just makes me feel so fortunate. The past 4 months have made me develop some serious feelings for him. I know at this point I would love to wake up next to him every morning and fall asleep with him every night. I want to be the person that makes him happy and laugh.

I am falling in love.

The Days After DC

Happy Monday! I am finally in the office for the next few weeks, other then for the next two days, so looks like I can finally start posting regularly again. WooHoo!

So. My weekend in DC went pretty well. Normal weekend overall. Dressed up in my referee costume on Friday.*Ill post pics in the next few days!* Went to a party where they had the strongest jungle juice I have ever had. Proceeded to go to Apez, the DC gay club. Good times. The manager of the club apparently is from Pittsburgh and somehow found out we were all from the Burgh. He gave us all a free shot of Tequila. This was the beginning of the end for me. I knocked back the liquid death and searched around for the nearest chaser. My RedBull vodka was the only thing I could find. Whatev, it worked. I didnt puke. Well not yet anyway. I almost must inform you that we were the ONLY ones in costume in this club. Apparently not very many people like to get in costume for halloween. Thank god our costumes screamed SEX. Otherwise I am sure we would have got weird stares.

It wasnt until I got back to our hotel that things started not to work in my favor. I walked in the door and unleashed my fury in the bathroom. I puked up all that nights activities. Jungle Juice, Rum & Coke, RebBull Vodka, and of course, the loved Tequila. Which is now on my hate list. I hate puking up liqour. It burns like the flames from hell. So me mixed with puking, being drunk, tired, and in a bad mood, for some reason all those things made me cry. I have no idea why. I hate showing that emotion in front of other people. My bf was there to hold my hair as I hurled up my alcohol. Luckily my hair is short so there is nothing to really hold onto. But he rubbed my back and continued to be a good bf. As much as I hate having someone eatch me puke, its always nice to have someone there still.

This is turning out to be a long post. Sorry.

The next day we went to DuPont Circle. Nothing to exciting. I could eat lunch or drink anything but water. My stomach was still up in arms over the endurance test I put it through the night before. Went to the gym in the hotel, yacked immediatly following. I knew that was going to happen but I had no choice but to workout. I was going to be wearing basically next to nothing for tonights costume. My wrestling singlet was so short my butt kept falling out of it. Eew. I know. But I have a nice booty so it wasnt too bad. I froze my ass off all night at the party. My group of friends costumes were as follows: Wrestler *Me!, Robin from batman and robin*the bf, a pirate, a sailor, and a fambloyant soldier. Fun Fun. My favorite costume at the party at our friends rooftop penthouse, was a man dressed in a muslim womans bourka. Yeah not too funny yet. Well he would lift up the bourka though he was wearing some really sexy womans underwear a garter belt fishnet stalkings and heels. What was he you ask? A Muslim prostitute. He kept walking around making those noises the terrorist people made after 9/11. Remember. Funny stuff. So naturally some really funny and completly inappropriate pictures were taken. Ex. Muslim prostitue giving head to a soldier. Muslim prostiture being shot my soldier execution style, etc, etc.

Night ended. I was freezing. The bf and I went back to the hotel alone! I thought we were going to have the place to ourselves. So we did what two gay men that are dating normally do. Until one of our friends walked in. In mid thrust, and my bfs legs in the air, we stopped. My friend was so drunk he didnt even realize what was happening. Fun.

That is my weekend in DC. Cant wait to go back again in two weeks!

And bloggers spellcheck isnt working so I am assuming I misspelled alot of words and now cant fix them. Ahwell.

Goin to DC...Again

Just wondering if there are any places that anyone would suggest to go to thats fun and cheap. Any help is appreciated!

Parents, Insults, and More...

On Saturday my parents and the boyfriend met. Everything went really well. It was only slightly awkward. My mom asked him alot of questions about what he does for a living, family, etc. Nothing about him and I. Thank God. I think he felt weird around my dad though. Apparently my dad wouldnt look him in the eye. I guess that could cause some uneasiness. My 3 brothers treated him like anyone else. Although they are 15 and younger so I am sure they still dont fully understand. Things got a little weird in the house so we went outside and played trampoline basketball where my oldest youngest brother who is 15 years old, proceeded to tackle the bf and take him out by his knees. After we won the game thanks to my amazing basketball skills we called it a day at my house and went to dinner. Blah Blah Blah. Nothing else really exciting happened. My parents were nice to him, and he was nice to my parents. And my dog got really fat.

So moving on to the insults portion of this post. I was warned by my boyfriend that one of his friends who I havent met yet, will probably test my buttons to see how I will react to their comments. Well I finally met them Saturday night and needless to say she pushed the wrong buttons. Its one thing to be funny and say smart ass comments. I can handle that. But when someone insults me, its not acceptable. So this girl said many things to me that made me upset. Not only did she say I am weird and dance weird *no one insults my dancing!*, but she said that my boyfriend can do better than me! Yeah I know! She is obviously a bitch. So she said those things and I was waiting for a smile or a laugh from her, and I got nothing. Actually, right after she said those things she just walked away. I was stunned and pissed. So on the way back home, I told the bf what had occurred and he proceeded to defend her!

I was quite hurt that he would do that. Now I didnt tell him everything she had said to me, because the statement that he could do better than me really hit my heart for some reason. So I left that out. So he continued to defend her and actually started to back up his defense by talking about how my brothers were tackling him while we were playing basketball. Stupid I know! Long story short he kept on asking me what other stuff what said and I told him. I think he felt bad after that, and assured me he doesnt feel that way and apologized. By that point I was already over the situation. But I knew he felt bad. Thats all that matters to me.

I am writing this post from Milwaukee, WI. Its not so bad here. I went downtown for dinner at a place called Kil@Wat. It was really amazing. It was very trendy and fun. Food was amazing. If you are ever in Milwaukee, check it out. It still sucks to be alone in a different city though. Eating alone and sleeping in a big bed alone really reminds you that you are by yourself. Ugh.

Meet the Parents

Quick Update:

Kentucky wasn't nearly as bad as I envisioned. I was about two blocks away from the University of Kentucky so I always had nice eye candy to look at. Within two miles was a huge mall and all types of restaurants. Cant complain much about my stay there. They actually have better radio stations there than they do in Pittsburgh.

Now, moving on with what the title of this post has to do with. Tomorrow I am driving up north to see my parents. No big deal. EXCEPT I am bringing the bf with me. I told my mom I was bringing him a few days ago. I prefaced that with telling her that we are sort of looking for a place together too*which by the way isn't happening for a while because of money problems*. So once I told her we were looking to move in with one another I told her I was bringing him with me to see them. There was silence for about 10 seconds and she replied "So you must really like him then?" I of course said I do and that's why I want them to meet him. I told her she needs to make us her world famous french toast for brunch. She agreed. Fun Fun Fun. This is the first time I am letting them meet someone while we are both acknowledging he is my boyfriend. This is very exciting to me.

It is not as exciting for my boy though. He is extremely nervous. I assured him that it will be no different then meeting a friends parents, but I can still sort of understand his anxiety. I haven't seen my parents since the beginning of July. I have never gone that long without seeing them. I really miss them and I cant wait to meet the person who is making my life happy now.

Yay!

Songs of the Second

1. Stefy

Chelsea

2. Wink

Higher State of Consciousness (TV Rock & Dirty South Remix)

3. JJ Flores & Steve Smooth

Deep Inside These Walls **This is a very HOT video if you like looking at sexy women like I do!

4. Alex Gaudino feat. Crystal Waters

Destination Calabria

Babe, Get the UHaul

This weekend was mostly uneventful. My friends came down from Erie, visited all the local gay bars. Blah Blah Blah. On Saturday night I got absolutely wasted. Being drunk is getting really old. I feel like I am the drunk one of all my friends. That needs to change. We ended up going to my favorite club Diesel. Its a straight club but they play the best music and have good ventilation. I dont know what I did differently when I was getting ready but I have never been hit on by so many girls in one night. As soon as I walked in and went to the bar, a girl bought me a drink and was hitting on me, before I broke the news that I put my penis in my bf's butt. She smiled said she loves gay men and when on her merry way to hook up with some other male whore. After that I got hit on roughly 3 or 4 more times. It was great. It always feels good to be hit on by a girl cause it lets you know you arent as gay as you think you are. So after 5 too many redbull vodkas I guess I was pretty belligerent. I guess on the way home from the bars to my house, I cried when Father Figure by George Michael came on the radio. *I of course dont remember that happening. I do however have issues of never knowing my real father, so it is possible.* And apparently I also said some other things to the bf that he wont reveal to me.

The bf really wants me to move out of my apt. He hates my roommate almost as much as I do. He hates the 4 cats that she owns and the fact that they shed all over my stuff. So he is always looking for new places around Pittsburgh. He knows I cant afford anywhere by myself and that I need a roommate. We both agreed that we would wait a year before we would consider moving in together. However, it appears he has changed his mind because he said that we should look for a place together cause "there is no point beating around the bush." Well I cannot agree more. I think we are very good together and we both want this for the long term. He found this amazing loft in a very trendy part of Pittsburgh that is very fitting for us. I really look forward to see how soon this happens. We are both a little strapped for cash at the moment, cause he just bought a new car, and my brother borrowed alot of money from me. But its exciting to think about starting a life with him, his ferrets, and a dog that want to buy once we move.

BoooYah Batman!

The title of this post actually has nothing to do with it, sorry for you batman enthusiasts, I just couldnt think of a creative title. This is actually the second time I am writing this post cause the first time I accidently pushed some wrong button and it erased everything. Anyways.

The Good News....Two of my best friends from Erie, PA *my old home, will be coming down to visit me this weekend. They are a young gay couple whom I met at work. *Hint: For those that like trivia, it is the second largest company in the US. Good Luck* I will be showing them the hot spots around Pittsburgh. They are far and few between but I know where to go. On another high note, my little sister who started college this year in South Carolina will be coming to Pittsburgh this weekend as well. Yay for me!

The bad news....I am in Kentucky all next week so I wont be able to blog as much cause I actually have to do work while I am there. Then after next week I am in Milwaukee for that whole week. Stinkers, I know. So blogging will not happen as frequent for a while, but I will still drop by at night and post a little something from my hotel.

Have a good Weekend Peeps!

Now Answer Me This....

I have been seeing a high influx of people now visiting my blog and sending me emails showing interest in what I have to say. Thank you!

So I figured for fun I thought I would ask everyone who reads this to tell me where you are from, how old you are, and any additional info about you as well.

Thnx

Ex Boyfriend Dramz

Yesterday I received an email from my last ex-bf. Apparently he couldnt fall asleep so he thought he would write me an email at 5 am. To give you a little background info on him, we dated for 2.5 years and that relationship ended in this past January. He was a great boyfriend but I know things werent going to last for us. We were way too different. And we both knew it. We still keep in contact and talk to eachother at least once a week. Continuing on with the story now, his email to me was very long. He explained that he is still not over me and that he is having alot of issues with me dating my current bf. He wrote that he would take me back in a heartbeat if I ever wanted to. Long story short I told my current bf about the letter only because I want to be open with him and not hold anything back from him. He definitely wasnt happy about this email. He feels as if my ex is trying to win me back and is meddling with our relationship.

I explained to him that he is just having trouble moving on and told him that I would not ever go back to him and that he has nothing to worry about. I can definitely understand why he would be upset and so I am going to tell my ex to back off a bit because I dont want him to put a strain on my current relationship. Its not fair to my current bf or to myself.

Lubey Dubey Doo

Recently the bf and I went on the search for nothing other than some good ol' lube. I had probably the worst type of lubricant known to man. Equate Lubrication purchased from Wal Mart for the bargain price of 4 dollars. I didnt care what I bought when I purchased that because thats when I wasnt having sex anyways, so I didnt care. It was clumpy, thick, and sticky as all hell. So as I said we needed to go shopping. And shopping at no other than the amazing porn store. Best selection of lube ever! I went initially wanting a spray-on lube to help with the messiness of getting it on your hands and other places. After talking with a very knowledgeable worker on the ins and outs of lube I quickly changed my preference. I was informed that silicone based is the best because it allows you to use it in water. Holler! The Bf wanted the brand Wet. That is what he uses and its just so-so. They have a platinum version of the lube though. He talked me into getting it. $15 for a tiny bottle. I guess I never really knew the prices of good lube cause I was shocked at the price tag. Needless to say, it is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! I dont know how to describe it, but it is unlike any other lube I have tested. The best part is, is that you dont need to use much at all. A few drops here and there and you can have 2 minutes of pure ecstasy.

For all those on the market for some lubrication I highly suggest it.

You're a homo....Tell someone

Well as gay blogs all across the nation are commenting, it is National Coming Out Day! Holy Moly Macaroni and Cheese the gays have their own national day! But I guess its discriminatory to the people who have already taken that step in their life. Oh well, maybe a National Gay Day maybe only a few years away. As I posted a few days ago I still haven't officially come out to my parents yet. Not a huge deal because they already know anyways. I really should be the big brave black woman I know that I am deep down inside and just inform them that their son likes hot, sweaty, muscular, manly men. Well maybe say it without getting into that much detail. Although I don't think I will tell them today only because I haven't had time to think about it much, and you really need to commit to something like coming out to your parents.

I do however want to tell my workmate. We have really bonded over the past few months. We both hate our job and want to quit pretty soon. He tells me everything that is going on in his life and I have to makeup stuff about stuff that is going on in mine. Its not fair to him or myself to continue to not tell the truth. He is very religious, but I think he would still be accepting. I just wish people would ask me if I am gay. It would make this coming out thing so much easier. But I guess my burly man image just hides it to well.*I wish that were true

So in the meantime I guess this is where I can urge others to take the plunge that I have yet to take. So go ahead, tell the world you're gay, and in about 8 months wear nothing but a rainbow speedo on a float and celebrate your outness at Gay Pride!

Just a little FYI for the heritage of National Coming Out Day:

National Coming Out Day was founded by Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary on October 11, 1988 in celebration of the first gay march on Washington D.C. a year earlier. The purpose of the march and of National Coming Out Day is to promote government and public awareness of gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender rights and to celebrate homosexuality.

Now go spread the word of the gay.

Music Shiznat

My iPod broke. It only plays out of the right side of my headphones. So now when I am listening to it I tend to walk to the right to follow the music. I took it to the Apple store in hopes that being the wonderful people they are they could fix it. Sadly no. In fact they made it worse. Apparently my warranty ended a month ago, so they tried to load some new software on it to see if that would work, which of course it didnt. However, when they did that, they reset my iPod. It erased everything off of it. No biggie I can just sync my iTunes to it again. Nope. That would be too easy. I keep getting an error message telling me to reset my ipod. Which I do. And then an error message comes up. I cried. All of my roommates cats cried. We all cried together. And I cant get my iPod to work now. Shit.

Stop Asking me Questions Biatch!

Last night I was on the phone with a friend who I haven't talked to in almost a year. Its always sort of awkward when you dont talk to someone in that long because the comfort level that was once there is now gone. Its always nice to catch up though. So this friend is an old friend from high school who knew I was gay before I did. Apparently I looked at guys asses alot. Whatev. You do it too. So she is really quirky and weird and started asking me all these random questions about myself just to see how much I have changed. After answering all of them I decided I would try to remember most of them so I can blog about them. I will change around the question so it is more fitting for you guys.

Is my hair still brown? Yes

What type of shoes am I wearing? Diesel

When was the last time I had sex? Sunday....Twice

What is my favorite day of the week? Friday

Do I trim? *Wasnt sure about what exactly she meant about this one, but I said yes anyways.

Am I in love? On my way there

Am I a pitcher or a catcher? Prefer to pitch but can catch on occasion

Favorite fast food place? McDonalds

Do I still want to have sex with my friend who asked me all these questions? Always and forever!


Well now all of you know a little more about me.

Supplements and More Supplements

As I mentioned before, I have finally put my ass back in the gym. I lost almost 10 lbs of muscle since the beginning of the year and I knew I needed to get back into my gym routine. Halloween is only a few weeks away and I needed a little jump start for my body so it looks good in the costumes I am wearing. So last night I spent way to much money on a top of the line protein powder and a nitric oxide powder called N.O. Explode. I look forward to using both of these alot. My trainer said I can definitely gain 10-15 lbs by the end of the year in muscle if I keep up my routine. I have already noticed a huge difference in my body and I have only been going for 2 weeks. Bigger arms, bigger legs, bigger ass * I love a big booty. I thought about posting pictures of the progress, but I am deciding against it. Today is Chest/Triceps/Thighs/Hamstrings/Abs day. Yay!

Hottie/Nottie

Are you in a hottie/nottie relationship? I dont think I am. Now I am assuming most of you have no idea what a hottie/nottie relationship is. I didnt until my coworker *who I think secretly reads this blog since I am posting on it all day, told me what this was. It is when one of the people are hot and the other is not. See. Hottie/nottie relationship. We have all seen it. The beautiful woman with the less than average guy. We automatically think he is rollin in the dough. I actually was reading Dan Savages, Savage Love, when I read about a guy that is married but cheats on his wife with trashy, supposedly not pretty women. He was sexually attracted to people who were not what society would say was attractive. I just thought that was sort of intertesting.

Lexington, Kentucky?

It appears that for work next week I will be in Lexington, KY for 5 days. I am hoping it is not as redneck and country as I am imagining. I am staying downtown, which I am not sure what "downtown" consists of. If anyone knows the area, feel free to give me some suggestions.

Mom....I'm gay

So I have basically been a huge bum at work again today due to reading random blogs. Today was a day I have dedicated to reading coming out stories. They are always fascinating to me and are sort of uplifting. Mostly everyone in my life knows about my orientation which for the most part is very good. All of my 4 sisters know. They acknowledge it and have met my current Bf and like him just as much as I do. Thank god! However, everyone else in my immediate family sort of knows but we dont talk about it. I have never really told any of my 4 brothers or my mom or dad. I never really had to. I started bringing around my last boyfriend alot, so they sort of got the hint. They let me know they are ok with the gay thing without really saying so. The person I want to talk to more about this aspect of my life is my mom. We are very close. I am her favorite kid. Out of 9. She doesnt say it, but I know its true. The favorite kid always knows when they are the special one. It sucks because I talk to her about everything that is going on in my life except this aspect. Considering I have a new boyfriend who I really really like and alot of my life has to do with him and our mutual gay friends, a huge chunk of my life she is in the dark with. I feel bad because I feel that out of everyone who should know this and who I should talk to it about, it should be her. And its not.

Since she already knows, I should just say one day on the phone, "Hey Gurl, I have a new boyfriend. And we have been dating for almost 4 months." And just be silent. Well, maybe leave the hey gurl part out. I hope sometime soon I can start to be open with all of my life, and not just the boring stuff.

Free Doesn't always Mean Good

Since Saturday was an absolutely fabulous day, the Bf and I decided to drive to the amazing Pittsburgh Zoo. We got stuck in traffic twice. Once on the way there because of construction. During this time I decided that he would love nothing more then to hear me sing and rap to the radio and my cds. He loved it. He cant wait for it to happen again. The second time we got stuck in traffic was because of the high flow of cars into and out of the zoo. I thought this was odd because I couldn't figure out why everyone decided to go to the zoo today. Well after finding a parking spot what seemed like a mile away from the zoo, we go to the terminals where the little zoo man cashier lady told us that it was free to get in. Then in dawned on me. Anytime anything is free you better expect to see people that usually live in caves and dumpsters. And not just a few of those people, but a plethora of them. Everywhere you looked, you could hear and smell these people. At one point I was counting the amount of teeth one family had. I counted 13.

It was way too crowded. It was the Bfs first time at the zoo so I wanted him to really enjoy it. It was hard when we couldn't get to the viewing windows because there were so many people. It doesn't help that he is a little on the short side too therefore he couldn't even see over peoples heads like I can. Not only was it crowded, but it was HOT as hell. It didn't help that I was wearing a new black t-shirt from Andrew Christian. I also bought a nice fun jockstrap. Sorry. I digress. The aquarium portion of the zoo was the most crowded. Way too crowded for the fish as well. I just knew the fish were laughing, because as ironic as it was, we looked like sardines smashed in a can. The fish loved it. We did not.

See what I mean. Free Doesn't always Mean Good.

I actually didn't want to end the post so abruptly, but I lost the desire to continue to keep writing.

Picky Paula

The bf and I had are first little fight on Friday. I always look forward to the first fight because it gives you a good sense of the type of communicator the other person is. The fight was my fault. The bf basically said I am way to picky and am never happy with anything that he decides for us to do. Whether that is going to a certain restaurant, I am never satisfied with my food. If we go to a bar, I never have a good time, etc. This really bothered him. I never really thought about it before. I know that I am picky when it comes to my food and I would say most of the time I will pick something apart. Because of this, he doesn't want to make any more decisions of what we do.

I am glad this was something that we both agreed could be easily fixed. I agreed to not pick things apart and try to keep negative comments to myself when it comes to food. He still feels uneasy about making any decisions which I am trying to change. There was no yelling, actually me being very quiet and not saying much consumed most of the time. It also helped that I was drunk because it gave me the opportunity to bring up a few other things that were bothering me. Such as him making plans to hang out with me, then sort of ditching me. Whatev, no big deal though. So after all that conversing about me being to picky, we had great sex. Probably the best so far. I was happy. He was happy too. We slept happily ever after.

***Note. Picky Paula originates from a cute little thing the Bf and I do. Instead of just calling the other grouchy, crabby, mean, or smelly, we attach people names to them to make it that much more fun. So there is Horny Harrison, Silly Sally, Demanding Deborah, Tired Timmy, and of course Picky Paula.

Sleepless in Pittsburgh

Holy Moly Shit am I tired today. I put down about 3 hours of sleep last night. I wish I could say this is abnormal, but for me, this is all to reminiscent of every night of the week. I am not sure if my body is always in weekend mode where I am up til 4 every night or what but I am not sure how much more I can take of this. I cant focus on anything while I am at work, so I just blog and read other peoples blogs. Actually I think I am sort of addicted to it. I try to fit in a little work everyday but it is hard when you can barely keep your eyes open.

I talked to the bf this morning about it when he called me because there was a rock slide and he was going to be about an hour late for work. He knows I rarely get a full nights sleep and suggests that I get some sort of medication to help. My mind just runs as soon as my head hits the pillow. I cant stop from thinking about really anything from the bf, family, work, fisting. Well maybe not fisting. I have really tried many remedies that I have read online. I tried breathing techniques, reading, listening to music, and nothing works. It sucks because I am tired all damn day but as soon as its time for me to sleep I am wide awake.

I need some damn sleep.

Movie Quote

This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. - "Garden State"

Well thats a little bit inspirational.

Snippage

Another intelligent conversation between the bf, the crazy cat lady roommate(CCLR), and myself, about uncircumcised penises occurred recently. It was 2 against 1. The CCLR and myself agreed that they are not fun or pretty and should be snipped. My bf on the other hand is an avid fan. Now I dont have much experience with the penis that wears a permanent turtleneck, but I know the first time I had to touch one back in February with an ex, I had no idea what to do with it. I am glad I was drunk cause it probably made it much easier to handle. For the two months that we dated, I was never really sure what to do with all that extra "clothing". I think they personally look funny and resemble this. Now I dont knock anyone that was never clipped, and obviously some people have a liking to them, but I will always prefer a crewneck to a turtleneck.

2 more trips to DC

Well two more trips to the wonderful Washington DC have been planned. From October 26-28 my friends and I will be trick or treating all weekend long. Then we will be back on November 9-11 to see Armin Van Buren at Ibiza nightclub. The more I come to DC the more I wish I could have taken the job with the CIA there when I had the chance.

Another Quickie

Does anyone think I am setting myself up for failure when I say I just want to find that one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am still very young and have no interest in hookups or being single. I think its rare for someone like myself to find someone around the same age as myself who feels the same way. The words gay and long term are almost opposites it seems like. That may just be another stereotype, but I am worried that I am just being naive. As I said before, things are going swell with my bf and myself, but I constantly thinking about future. I probably should just focus on the present.

The Workout Plan

Today starts the day of a new life for myself. I have decided that my body needs some work so I finally purchased a membership at the Bally's in downtown Pittsburgh. All of my friends have amazing bodies and lets face no one wants to be the fat one. Although I am not fat just not very muscular like I used to be. I meet with my trainer today and I need to let him know I want to gain 10 lbs by the end of the year. I think thats doable but I am worried about what type of diet he is going to make me have. The motivation for me at least for this month is halloween. My group of friends and I are all going to DC for halloween. We each need two costumes and both costumes are going to be part of a theme. I know I know but we are gay and shallow. J/K, well sort of. The first night we are all going as football players. However I was chosen to be the hot sexy referee. After looking at the costume I know know I need to bulk up. However its not for that costume that I need to bulk up for as much as the one for the second night. I am going to be a wrestler for night #2.

So I am going to start my protein shakes today and my vitamens. I plan to workout at least 4 days a week. Hopefully I can accomplish my goal. I can build muscle pretty easily so I hope I can get the results I want.

Not only do I want to be more healthy, but I want to be more positive. I have found myself complaining and bitching way too much. I am going to attempt to let things go and try to not let things get to me as much. Being negative isnt very fun.

Wish me luck!

Untitled

Happy Monday People!

Moving on. My wonderful boyfriend and I had another great weekend together. However there were some instances where I felt uneasy about a few things. First things first. Saturday night was a boardgame night with all my gays and myself. Its nice to stay in every so often and skip the bar scene. So at a sex toy party a few months ago, I bought a game called Who's the Biggest Pervert. It was definitely a fun game to play, but when you have your current boyfriend with you and your boyfriends ex there, things come out that you dont want to hear.

My boyfriends ex is also his best friend, which I don't feel any jealousy or anything and he has assured me that nothing would ever happen between the two of them again. So I am completely fine with their current relationship. However while we were playing this game, the ex would tell stories about their past sex life. And not just any regular sex stories, but wild and crazy sort of sex stories. At this point I felt completely uncomfortable. I am not sure if it was jealousy or what but I know I dont want to hear about stuff like that. It sucks cause it was my fault it was brought up anyways because I brought the game.

The other problem I am having is that my boyfriend tells me horrible things have happened in his life. These things have effected him so much that he has lost that sense of sad emotion causing him to lose the ability to cry. Curious about this, I brought it up and he said he doesnt like to talk about it cause it makes him depressed. So I am not sure if it is me being selfish or not, but I still would like to know what happened to him only because maybe I can get a better understanding of why he acts certain ways or handles certain situations. I have opened up about much of my life and certainly I have had some pretty bad things happen in my life as well. But I feel that if i want to fall in love with someone I want to know all about them. I know I dont want to push the subject, so hopefully he will decide to open up a little more cause I am really falling for him.