Wednesday, January 2, 2008


One year ago at this time I was getting dumped in a bad but necessary breakup. It was a hard time in my life because it would have been the first time in 2.5 years that I would actually be alone. I struggled with this. I still struggle with the possibility of being alone although currently I am not. This time allowed me to focus on other important things in my life. Friends, family, and most importantly myself.

My senior year at college was almost over and the last leg of an amazing journey was coming to an end. There were no more tests to be taken, no more late nights in the library doing school work, and sadly no more partying with my friends on Thursday nights. I was ready to leave college, I was not ready to pick up and leave everything and everyone I knew though. With one more month of school left and no job yet acquired, I decided to play it safe and take a job in the only city in which I was familiar. Pittsburgh. I had the option to live in DC or Chicago, but I wasn’t ready in my life to abandon absolutely everything I knew in life.

I was in a 3 month relationship with someone where I learned not to fall hard for someone when you know inside that you are going to get hurt in the end. I learned that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve. People can and will take advantage of you when you are vulnerable and falling too hard too fast; friends included.

I graduated with a good GPA and a job which I would later learn to hate. I made the move to the city still unsure of my surroundings. Family lived only a few miles away but distance apparently wasn’t the only thing keeping us from being together. Selfishness and desire were the cause this.

I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and lost some in the process. With each of these experiences I learned what I could. I took what I could from those relationships, learned a little about myself, and a little about life in general. Some people can say mean things, but they still mean well. With those friends, I will forever appreciate the friendships and life lessons I learned throughout our relationship. And I thank them for that. And I do miss them. Maybe at some point I will work up the courage to reconnect with some of them in the future.

After only a few weeks working at my current job I realized that I made a very wrong decision accepting their offer. Although it got me in Pittsburgh, it also gave me 40+ hours every week that I dread. That’s too many hours drained down the sink in the endless sea of wasted time. I have gained from this experience though. I have two new friends with whom I will continue to keep in contact with past my forgotten employment. They are amazing people, and they have allowed me to vent and laugh and make the time spent in my cubicle not so bad.

Lastly, I met the person who gives me the strength, positivity, affection, love, and the daily reminders to take my medication for my new illness that otherwise I would forget to take as my sickness slowly takes its toll on my short term memory. I couldn't imagine how different my life would be without him in it. Not only does he take up 90% of the posts in this blog, but he also fills me with hope for our future. Almost 7 months into our relationship, I think we both realize we have something we both have been searching for. Our dedication for each other and our relationship has grown with each passing day. Unlike any other relationship, he calls me out on my shit, and doesn’t let me get away with anything. I appreciate that. He still gives me butterflies every time I see him and he fills my thoughts all day long. I have love for him that makes me feel privileged to use the word and the opportunity to feel the emotion. I thank him for letting me love him as I am honored to do it every day.

As for the future, I can only hope that the things not going so well in my life make a change for the better. With persistence and consistency I know these things can change. I feel prepared to confront all of the issues I have pushed into the back of my mind and finally get them taken care of. For the first time in many years, I am excited to venture into another year walking into the light of the unknown. So I walk forward, taking slow but big steps into whatever life may throw at me.

1 comment:

jay said...

Sounds like a wild ride. Wow. Happy 2008!