Tuesday, November 25, 2008

This Closet is Lonely

In the last of the posts that two readers wanted to know about me, this one is regarding coming out to my mom. However, I really dont have just one story for this. We never really had a discussion with me telling her I was a Mo. There was no crying or awkwardness. I didnt tell her I was gay, and instead, I showed her I was.

I had my first boyfriend back in my Sophomore year of college. We met in August, one month before I started the new school year. Funny story, but one our first date at Applebees, classy I know, I was so nervous that I ended up puking in the bathroom. Isnt that fun. But anyways, we dated for about 2 and half years and i didnt want to hide him from my parents, and I wasnt yet prepared to say the words, "I'm gay", so anytime I went to visit them I would bring him with me. Whenever I would talk to my parents on the phone, I would talk about him. This was the easiest way for me to tell them without really telling them.

We broke up back in December of 2006 which was pretty rough. But because I was determined to get back on the horse after being kicked off, I started seeing someone else within a few weeks. And just as I did with my ex, I started talking about him incessantly with my parents. By this point they were completely clued into what was going on. But we still never really had a conversation about it. But they in their subtle ways let me know that I can bring home whomever I want, as long as that person makes me happy.

It wasnt really until I moved to Pittsburgh about a year and a half ago that we really started talking about it. I may have mentioned it on my blog a while back, but my mom is completely clueless about the gay community. She asked when i started dressing up in women's clothing because she thought all gay guys liked to dress up as women. She asked who is the woman and who is the man in my current relationship which i of course said my bf is the women. Just kidding. She asked when i realized I was gay, and if I was 100% positive I was gay. All the normal questions really for someone who lives in the middle of the woods.

So we are pretty open for the most part now. We talk about my relationship and I ask her for advice and what not. And because both of my parents are pretty modest I know I will never have to have any uncomfortable questions about gay sex. Who wants to explain to their mother what rimming is anyways. I dont.

She still has her concerns as any mother would. She is concerned about AIDS which when I was depressed, she asked me if I had it. She is concerned for my well being because she knows there are people out there who dont like gay people and will hurt them. Even though she voted for John McCain she doesnt realize that she was in her own small part hurting gay people. She was sad for me because she thought I would never get married or have kids, which I assured her that both would happen for me one day, even if it is not a "traditional" ceremony or wedding, and my child will either be adopted or through a surrogate.

Basically, I am an extremely lucky guy to have a mom like her. For me to have a Mom who wants to know about what it is like to be gay and wants to understand it better makes her an amazing person. Thanks Mom!


Gary said...

It's always nice to have someone like that there for you. I'm glad that you parents, like mine don't really care who I'm with so long as I'm happy when I'm with them; it makes things 100x easier.


Brettcajun said...

You should be so proud of your mother for being so accepting. Once they get past the causes, and realize that it is biological... then it eases their questions.

My mother kept blaming my father for not being around enough to play ball with me, but she couldn't account for my twin brother being straight when he was raised in the same EXACT environment.

I got the same confusion from my parents about who is the girl in the relationship. They have no clue about the physical aspect of our sexuality.

I had to laugh when I read the part you wrote about "wearing dresses". My family thought every gay man was just like what they saw on Jerry Springer... really flaming... and outrageous. That is why they were shocked that I was gay. They had NO CLUE because I dated a girl in high school. I had to break it to them that many of my friends were actually married at one time and even have children.

I really like your blog. Thanks for sharing your life with us!

Craig said...

That's so great! My Mom found out by reading my blog. Woops! She's cool with it though but with all the typical concerns you listed.

Jay said...

Wow, lucky you are. My mom would probably be just as curious but she'd not take it as well as yours did. There would definitely be drama and lots of it.

As for never how you introduced your parents to your sexuality, I did the same thing with my ex and I did hear from my sis that at one point they discussed it but I was never approached.