Monday, November 3, 2008

Good Friend Bad Friend

As I have said in regards to my life currently, things are pretty good. Things are continuing to change for the better in every aspect of my life. I have been cutting out the bad negative things and filling it with only the positive. This also includes people in my life who I have once been friends with that I choose for one reason or another to no longer associate with. There is one person in particular who I am struggling to decide whether to cut him out of my life or not.

I have known this person for a few years now. He is 2 or 3 years older than I am and is also a big homo like myself. Overall, he is a pretty nice guy, and havent really had any issues with him. However, it only takes a moment of him being ridiculously out of line that makes me question any future for our friendship. This event happened over the summer. And not until now have I chosen to talk about it with all of you wonderful readers. Heres the story.

One night I was relaxing at my house and was actually laying in my bed naked getting ready to masturbate, when my phone rang. It was this friend whom I will call Mary. Mary called and explained that he was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop over to hang out. I agreed to let him stop over and hung up the phone. I decided against continuing to touch myself, and threw some shorts on, and opted against putting on a shirt because I rarely ever wear one at home. Some time shortly there after, Mary was at my place. We chatted as normal, and he explained that his boyfriend was at a bar down the street from my place celebrating his birthday. I questioned him as to why he isnt there celebrating with him, and he said he doesnt like his boyfriends friends that much and that was the reason for him not going. Okay. Whatever. I told him I disagreed with him not being there and told him how I would be pissed if m boyfriend did that.

Chatting is over. I walk Mary out to the door so he can leave. I give him a simple hug goodbye and he for some reason prolongs the hugs and squeezes my butt. Haha I thought. I unembrace myself from the hug and as I do this he starts to rub my crotch. Haha I thought and then soon realized that he is not joking or being funny, but seriously rubbing for a reason. I slap his hand away and ask what he is doing. He says that he is doing nothing and leans in to kiss me. And not just a peck like gay guys do to say goodbye, but a kiss like he wants to make out with me. I push back from him and he continues to come forward to kiss me. I do an uncomfortable laugh, and say a little more seriously this time "what are you doing". I continue to push him out the door, and in the midst of me shutting the door, he puts his hand on the door to prevent it from shutting, and grabs me while pushing me back into my place, and is once again grabbing my crotch and trying to kiss me. I push him off of me, and say " What the hell are you doing Mary, you have a boyfriend and its his BIRTHDAY! and I have a boyfriend!" He apologizes and finally leaves my place.

I walk back into my place completely shocked at what just happened. This literally came out of nowhere. We have been friends for all this time and he tries to pull this shit. He wasnt drinking, not on drugs *to my knowledge, and my friend just tried to kiss me on his boyfriends birthday. I immediately call one of my friends who knows Mary and tell him what happened. While I am on the phone, Mary is calling, and I choose not to take the call. I end that phone call, and then call my boyfriend and explain to him what just happened. Still shocked.

As the night went by, I really began to process everything. I am disgusted, angered, still shocked, but most of all hurt. I am hurt because Mary actually thought I was the type of guy to cheat on my own boyfriend. And that he is trying cheat on the same day as his owns boyfriends birthday. I am sad for his boyfriend that he is just trying to enjoy his birthday while unbeknown to him that Mary is trying to shove his tongue down my throat.

Mary calls me again in the morning. I was at church by myself on this summer Sunday morning, and decided to answer. Mary apologized and tried to assure me he was just kidding, and I obliged, but I knew what he did was not a joke. It was mean, cruel, and wrong in so many ways. We hung up and I knew I no longer wanted someone like that in my life.

Fast forward to now. I have received a text every once in a blue moon which I have ignored from Mary. He called me On Saturday while I was at Kennywood's Phantom Fright Nights with several of my friends, which was by the way, absolutely amazing. Anyways, I didnt answer the phone, and he left me a voice mail. I still couldnt stand the thought of hearing his voice, so I had my boyfriend listen to the voicemail. Mary, wanted to talk to me about "something" and was hoping that I will call him back to talk. Umm, no thanks.

So am I being an asshole for wanting nothing to do with him? I really dont think so. Some of my friends think I should talk to him about it and what not, but I honestly dont want to. And my friend bag is already full. I dont need any more friends at this point. Maybe if I kick someone else out, there will be room for him. But I really dont want to be friends with someone who has these type of morals. Someone who doesnt care about that fact that I have a boyfriend whom I love dearly and someone who doesnt care enough about their own boyfriend and is willing to cheat on him on his own birthday. I really feel as though I am doing what any other person would do.

I feel this is the best decision.


Sam said...

I agree, but I also think maybe you should leave mary a voicemail saying 'your disappointed in him, no respect obviously, blah blah blah?'

Jackdaw said...

That's all very clear. Mary was disrespectfuly to your, your boyfriend, his own boyfriend, and even to himself. Instead of saying he's sorry for being a complete asshole, he makes it worse by lying that it was a joke.

The lying alone would be reason enough not to trust him anymore, and people you cannot trust can never be friends obviously. The rest shows a rotten moral.

I would do what Sam suggested, because I'm hot-tempered, but I think that the best thing to do is to not give him any attention. If he keeps calling. Send him a text message with something like "I don't want any contact. Goodbye."

You are very right to not see him anymore. What would he do if you were drunk, of if he were alone with your boyfriend...?

P.Brownsey said...

It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that welcoming him in wearing nothing but a pair of shorts - you say you "opted" not to put on a shirt, as you would normally do - might be construed as an indication that you were interested in having sex with him. Clothes - or the absence of them - can be a language.

Paul Brownsey

Anonymous said...

I think you should talk to this person if you were really their friend.

Also, what kind of person are you if you say your friend bag is full, so you don't want him until there is a spot for him.

Finally, a simple kiss and ass squeeze may not be seen as cheating to some. So you need to look at that.

How do you know someone is trying to shove their tongue down your throat?

Anonymous said...

oh Mary! when you attempted to set a very appropriate, healthy, reasonable and clear boundary, Mary completely disrespected it. the only healthy boundary you can set with Mary now is an Iron Curtain one. and honey, I am a mental health therapist so I know!

JUSTIN said...

You're not an asshole, Mary is.

Anonymous said...

Mary was definitely in the wrong. I would also choose not to speak with him anymore. Theres no room in life for assholes.

Anonymous said...

Mary was majorly in the wrong, but you should at least speak to him and tell him how you feel... see if he has anything to say back..

Jackdaw said...

In addition to what I wrote before I need to agree with one Mr. Anonymous:

The 'friend bag is full' remark is nonsense, and you know it. There's always room for new friends. Mary cannot be a friend anymore though, I can see that, but never close the door for new friends...

P.Brownsey said...

"There's always room for new friends."

Really? That depends on what one means by "friend", of course. If you just mean someone you say "Hi" to or might invite to a party or might chat to if you found yourself sitting next to them in a restaurant, well, yes, there might be room for a very large number of friends in your life, though not, of course, an absolutely unlimited number. But if by "friend" you mean someone you take time to get to know closely, have obligations to, have in your life for the long term, try to spend a lot of time with, etc., then time and energy set limits to the number of frriends you can have, as distinct from mere acquaintances, perhaps just passing acquaintances.

Paul Brownsey

Jackdaw said...

It may sound like a paradox, but indeed the you can only have a limited number of friends. However, sometimes when you meet someone you know you will become friend... in those cases there always room for one more.