Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Big Picture

I am the type of person that reacts without thinking. I am also a person who talks before thinking through what I am going to say first. This gets me into a lot of trouble. The bf and I had another one of our infamous fights again last night on the phone. It had to do with me telling him things that other people say about him. Over the weekend some of his friends whom I have met once before, were at the party I was at where we were all singing Karaoke. They had apparently heard about the relationship woes that we had been having and some of them voiced their opinion on how they are surprised with the way he has been handling the situation. And basically were quick to judge him on the decisions he has been making in regards to our relationship. Now because they are his friends, i wasnt going to tell them to mind their own business and fuck off. If they were strangers I wouldve done that. But because I want his friends to like me I decided on a less aggressive approach. So I simply defended him and his actions whether I agree with him or not, and I let them know if the roles were reversed that I wouldnt know how I would react either.

So when I told the bf that I had hung out with some of his friends and that they asked about the drama in our relationship, I left out that they also gave me their opinions on how he is handling the situation wrong. I did this because I dont want to start more unnecessary drama, and I dont want him to get mad/sad that his friends dont agree with him. So because of those things I decided not to tell him that part. But somehow, he knew i wasnt telling all of the story, and he called me a sneak and a liar. Which obviously hurt my feelings because I know that I am not either of those things. So because of that, I told him what his friends had said, and then just like I thought he wouldve, got mad.

After talking and arguing some more, he apologised for calling me a sneak and a liar, and argued that wouldnt I want to know if my friends were talking about me. Which I suppose that I would.

What exactly is the point of this post. It is that I really need to step back and look at the bigger picture of my actions. I am quick to react and assume what I am doing is the right thing, when in fact it may not be. My inability to this thus this far has caused a lot of issues for me, and unless I can start doing this, things will never get better in my life. Usually it isnt until my bf says something about it, that i realize that I could handle a situation better, but sometimes by that point, the damage has been done.


Anonymous said...

I only say this because I love all humanity, and so I simply cannot bite my tongue; both of you are far two dramatic for your own girl. I don't understand people that care what people do or say or say talk about people. Both of you like to throw gasoline on the fire it seems, you should hang out and enjoy each others company without having to discuss your relationship with other insencently and if you can not do this then you need to break up. You do not need to discuss if your relationship with so and so and your bf and their bf and on and fucking on. Perhaps you use all of this gasoline as a aphrodesiac how would i know but you have both entered the land of richard burton and elizabeth taylor minus the physical fighting and opiates.

Hey you told me to post!


Bubbles said...

I meant to say good but i wrote girl from another sentence that i didn't entirely delete! sorry,
and so the sentence should read: both of you are far two dramatic for your own good.