When I found my name via Jackdaw's and Sam's blogs, I was happily surprised that someone was curious to find out what my addictions are. So thank you Jackdaw and Sam for your curious mind. Now when I sat back in my office chair to determine what my addictions actually are, I definitely became a little verklempt. I tried to determine things that I enjoy versus things that if removed from my life, would make me become sad or a raging lunatic. So here is my shot at my addictions in no particular order.
Yes, I am in fact addicted to love. How Moulin Rouge of me. But being loved, giving love, and showing love are things that I need in my life. Nothing makes me more happy or sad when it comes to love. When I have someone in my life who truly loves me, I am the happiest man in the world, when I dont, I am not in the best of places mentally. Love to me is the greatest drug, and is definitely a double edge sword. Luckily, I have the profound privilege of experiencing love in many aspects of my life.
2. Chocolate i.e. Cake or Brownies
Nothing can cheer me up like a freshly baked pan of holy chocolaty goodness. I have constant cravings for chocolate, and smell it where ever I am, even though it may not be present. Which leads me to the reasoning to always have some in bulk around the house. It is not rare for me to have Oreos, brownies, and a six pack of Hershey's chocolate in the house all at once.
3. Sex and/or Masturbation
Yes, I cannot go more then 2 days without ejaculating. This is a very very sad truth, but it is my truth. When I am bored this is what I do. What I am sad this is what I do. When I am mad this is what I also do. Basically, I will find any reason to touch myself or my boyfriend. I make up special occasions just to have sex. For example, "Hey hunny, dont you remember this is the one year anniversary since the first time we went to see that DJ? I think we should celebrate by having sex." And with lots of hope, I cross my fingers he just says yes to fill my ugly addiction.
4. My Mom
Okay, its a little weird writing about my mom right after my sex addiction, but whatever. Since I was old enough to remember, my mother has been the focus of my life. When I started to realize I was gay, I wanted to be straight not for myself, but more for my mother. I wanted to be a normal hetero guy who will provide her with grandchildren and give her an opportunity to see me marry the perfect woman. I obviously now know she can still experience these things, minus marrying the woman, and I guess that has to be good enough. But with most of the bigger decisions in my life, I try to take into consideration how she would feel, hoping she will be proud of my decisions. I only hope for her happiness, and I honestly cannot wait until I am able to provide for her the way she has provided for me my entire life. I just want to make her proud.
I tried to decide between my cellphone and television as my next biggest addiction, so because I couldnt choose, I will have an all encompassing genre. If I dont have my cellphone by my side, I honestly dont feel complete. Because I do in fact get roughly 15 to 20 texts a day, plus several phone calls from friends and family, I always want to be there when they come in, just in case I actually want to take the call or reply to the text, which I have to admit, I dont always do. And for television, If it wasnt for this amazing invention, I dont know what i would do on my down time. If I couldnt watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters on Sundays, or The Hills or Grey's Anatomy, I would be a little bored.
And because I just had to add one additional addiction, here is my sixth.
Good lord what would I do without music. It dictates my moods; comforts me, further depresses me, and can put me in the best mood. Listening to a new Britney Spears or Tiesto song gets me rowdy and excites me to have a night out on the town. I can listen to some Snow Patrol or Lifehouse if I am sad, and sort of want to stay there for a while by throwing myself a pity party, which I currently am doing while writing this blog. And when i am mad or pissed off, Ill turn on some Nine Inch Nails or Three Days Grace. If I were left alone on a deserted island, I would want music among along other things. Music has a way of moving me and does something to me that nothing else is capable of doing.
So there you have it. My addictions.