Too Much

Is too much of a good thing really a bad thing? I dont really think so, but of course this question is very objective. The bf said tonight that I am spoiled because I get too see him a lot. We generally see each other 5 to 6 days a week. Even though this is most of the week, I have never felt as though it was overwhelming for me. He has mentioned several times that he needs his space and likes time to do his own thing. Obviously, everyone needs that. It is hard for me to want to take days off from seeing him because I do enjoy being with him so much. I know I need to give him more space and more time to do his own thing. I have to learn to be content with just a phone call some days.

If you guys/gals are or were in a relationship, how many times did you feel it was appropriate to see each other. Curious to see what is the norm.

Last Day

My last day at my job is here and I am surprised how sad I am that my time here is ending. I wont miss my typical day to day duties, but I will miss the friends here that I met and the fact that I got to come in late and leave early. It also was nice doing nothing but reading Perez Hilton and writing in my blog. But all of this has come to an end. The people I met in my office are amazing people. The 3 people in my office whom I bonded with, provided me with an outlet to vent my frustrations and relieve my anxiety through humor. I will miss all of them greatly.

My interview is at 1:00 today, and this could bring an exciting future for me. I hope this works out in my favor, and allows me to hold onto my financial security. I need this to happen for me.

Smiling

I finally have some good news to report. Well, I guess only half way good news. I have a job interview for a new job! And its a job I actually want! It is a Buyer position and I am not sure but I think it pays really well too. The only downside...is that it is not extremely close to my house like my current job is. It is no longer in downtown Pittsburgh where I loved being so much. But it is a job, and it is a job which I would be good at and enjoy. Keep your fingers crossed! :)

Waste More Time

I came across this site today and found it to be another great way to help pass my time in the office, although my last day in the office is tomorrow. :( Anyways, it is a site where you have to solve puzzle like questions to move on to the next one. It definitely helps to be tech-savvy, and have programs such as Photoshop available on your computer. Check it out though.

PX4 The Riddle

Addicting New Game

I found this very fun and free game online. It is somehow done through google and its a great way to pass time. Here is the link

All you do is create labels for pictures that show up. Your randomly generated partner does the same, and the pictures that you match your labels on get you points. Try it out.

Tattoo

I think I found the tattoo that I have been wanting. I've known what I wanted, but have never seen a picture of it. I finally found a pretty good rendition of it. I want some minor tweaking to it but you get the point. I am curious what it will look like when it is shrunken to be able to fit on my arm and shoulder. I also want to customize it by making it mean something and making it special. The tattoo that I want is on this mans thigh. If anyone can tell me what the tattoo is of, you will get bonus points!



What do ya think?

Phone Sex Gone Bad

Thought this was funny. Definitely NSFW

Open Your Mouth Very Wide

I have been going to a certain dentist now for a few months to get my regular checkup, some teeth cleaning, and some cavities filled. I always suspected the dental assistant was gay and thought that the dentist himself was a Mo as well. My visit last week confirmed that not only are both of them gay, but they have been partners for 9 years! I thought this was crazy. The assistant finally admitted it after telling him of my trips to DC and visiting DuPont Circle and my upcoming plans to Rehoboth Beach. I guess that gave it away to him, se he felt comfortable enough to tell me his story.

I found it quite enlightening to find another gay couple that has beat the odds and have been able to make a relationship last that long. I find it even more fascinating that they literally see each other 24 hours a day and arent bald from pulling all their hair out. But I guess when you are in love, it doesnt matter how much time you spend together. Obviously they must have their fights, but to be business partners and partners in life is quite amazing. I envy what they have.

Hey Guurl!

I just found out that a Mrs. Hillary Clinton will be speaking one block away from my work office. And it is outside so I will finally be able to hear her speak! I am really happy that I am able to do this before I actually vote for her tomorrow. I have finally made my decision on who I am going to vote not too long ago. My thought process is this. Despite the fact that Obama and Clinton do have a very similar campaign, there are obviously a few things that they feel different about. Now I believe that Obama will be overall better for me but I think Hillary will be better for our country. Now I only Obama will be better for me because I think with him in office, I do believe that I would be able to have some sort of civil union with the man of my dreams one day and receive all the rights that come along with heterosexual marriage. However,I do not think that will happen with Hillary. She believes that the country should allow each state to decide if they want to extend those benefits to gay couples. And a small history lesson shows that most states dont want gay couples to have those rights, otherwise we would probably have them already.

But nonetheless I think she is more prepared to handle difficult situations than Obama is. I think she has the experience and the leadership qualifications that she needs to do our country well and finally put it back on track.

So tomorrow when I am able to vote, it will be for Mrs. Hillary Clinton!

Update: I went and listened to her speak which wasnt for very long. Apparently her plane did not even land yet when she was already supposed to be speaking. So Bill ended up talking for about an hour shooting down all the criticism about Hillary. Finally Hillary arrived and repeated everything Bill said. Overall, it was just ok. I was however, told that I was seen on the news, so thats pretty cool. I have pictures of the rally and will upload them tomorrow. Holla!

Bad Luck

I have written about my bad luck in the past, and it just never seems to end. I dont know if its a karma sort of thing or what, but I am just being pounded with bad luck. I just get really frustrated because, I try to be a good person. I try to play by the rules. And I try to always do the right thing. However, my nun-like ways just dont ever pay off.

A few days ago, my computer which I bought a year ago, broke. Well not the whole thing but the disc drive. It wont open. :( Now I cant burn any music to listen to in my car. Damn!

Yesterday I decided because it was absolutely fabulous outside that I would go for a run. Well during my run, something didnt work right in my knee and now I am in tons of pain.

I still have not heard from any additional companies regarding jobs. Despite putting in dozens of resumes into places, I havent had any luck in that department.

Lastly, my health situation isnt getting any better either. I am waiting to hear back from my doctor to see if my situation is going to get extremely bad. This scares me.

All of these things are heavily weighing on me. I am starting to fall into depression and I hate it. But it is just one thing after another and I am not able to take much more. If I dont find a new job soon, I am definitely going to have to go on Anti-depression medication to get me through this.

On the bright side it is 80 degrees today in Pittsburgh!

Happy 10

Today marks the day of the 10th month anniversary for the bf and I. Its crazy that is has already been 10 months into this relationship. It actually seems much longer though. Weird. To celebrate the occasion, I am going to the dentist, then to lounge in the park under the sun for the day reading a book. Sounds like fun hunh?

Happy 10!

Lyrical Connection

With certain songs, there are sometimes portions of the lyrics that somehow make the hair are your skin stand up because they connect to you on such a deep level. There are two songs that I recently featured on my Songs of the Second post that do this. Every time I hear these lyrics, I share something with the song. I will post these lyrics and they are not too hard to figure out why they are relatable to my life.

Black Lab-Weightless

Who is to say? Who is to blame? Who will you give yourself to?
Cuz nobody wants, more than I want you
I can see you

Maroon 5-Won't Go Home Without You

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?

Even though these are only a few lines, from the moment I heard them, it caused my mind to race about the issues they talk about. Its interesting that when words are put into music, it makes them seem that much more significant.

Listen Up!

For those of you who either ride a bus or a subway to work, school, whatever, please consider the following message.

Please do not have the music on your MP3 player turned all the way up so that everyone within 25 feet of you can hear that you obviously love Notorious B.I.G.
I do not need to hear that Biggie wants to bust a nut in your face or that he wants to slap a hoe. Although that does sound sort of fun.

Secondly, please do not talk on your cell phone unless absolutely necessary. I dont care to hear about the date you are going on tonight or about the yeast infection you are getting over. I dont care and no one else does either!

Thats all.

K Thanks!

My Last Day

My last day at work is April 25, 2008. :(

Songs of the Second

1. Black Lab
Weightless

2. Daughtry
What About Now

4. Maroon 5
Won't Go Home Without You

5. City and Colour
Hello I'm in Delaware

6. Something Corporate
Konstantine

And Lastly...

7. Miley Cyrus
See You Again

Sad Face

As I said in my post there is a very high chance I will be jobless in the next few weeks. It is very odd, but it seems as though the days that I really need to be with someone or talk to someone, there is no one to talk to. The last thing I wanted to be today was alone. And thats exactly what I was. It just always seems to work out that way.

I am trying as hard as I can to stay positive about the situation, but judging by history, things are most likely not going to work out the way I need them too. I definitely would have handled this whole job thing differently if I had the chance, but as they say hindsight is always 20/20.

Because I was alone tonight and no one wanted to answer the phone when I called them, I spent the night watching the sunset over the city in a park, followed by walking around the city. I wanted this time to be my decompressing time, but in reality, it was just a sulking time to look at what is going on, and get depressed with everything that is going on in my life that isnt going very well. I need to change alot of things to get my life in the direction that is positive. I know everything I need to do, so now it is just a matter of doing them.

I downloaded a few depressing songs to add to my somber mood. This was probably a bad idea, but maybe I need a whole night to be sad and gloomy. Hopefully I finally get an interview with a company I want to work for, and they offer me a job soon there after. :)

Oh well, hopefully I will wake up and feel a little more positive. Its hard work being sad.

Jobless

Well it has finally been announced to me by my boss that I will be out of a job sometime soon. She wasnt able to tell me when my last day will be, but I will find that out tomorrow by my other boss. This is very bad news kids. This is why i have been working my ass off for the past 6 months trying to get myself a new job. However, there is a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel. I have finally been contacted by an employer for a job that I really really want and even more desperately need. It would keep me in Pittsburgh, actually allow me to walk to work, pay very well, and would be a job I actually would enjoy doing. So keep your fingers crosses, pray to the lord, sing to Allah, or do whatever it is you do when you hope for something. I will hopefully find out soon if I have an interview for this job so I can get the ball rollin! I am leaving work early to go to a career fair tomorrow, so hopefully I can find some potential jobs there as well.

Weekend Getaway

I just got back from being in DC for the weekend and now I am in Cleveland for work. I am currently physically and mentally worn out after this past week/weekend. As stated in my previous post, my current status of "employed" is now at risk of being switched over to "unemployed" sometime in the next few weeks. I have finally talked to all of my bosses and all necessary HR people. I now have only limited options. I was offered a job in Cleveland which I know I am not going to take. Once I tell them I am not going to take this job, they will be searching to see if there are any other positions available in the company. However, it is quite obvious that my bosses do not feel optimistic about this. There is but one slight hope that has come about that I am keeping my fingers crossed for. There is a position open, but it would only be a temporary job. I am not exactly qualified for it, but I do have the knowledge that I have gained after being with the company for almost 10 months now. So I will probably know about that situation sometime this week once I get back from Cleveland.

As I said, I just got back from being in DC. My boyfriend, our 2 friends, and myself, went to see some more DJs at the club Ibiza there. Sasha and John Digweed play more in the Progressive genre of music. But we didnt see them until Saturday so let me rewind briefly to Friday. We stayed at the Marriot Hotel at Metro Center which was an amazing location. That night a friend of ours threw a small party for us at his apartment, before heading out to a sports bar called Nellies then to a newer gay bar called Town. I tried to get wasted at the party because I wanted to save some money on the over priced drinks at bars. Well, my plan worked and by the end of the party I was feelin pretty good. By this time, I had also come to the conclusion that the new gay song of the moment is by Miley Cyrus. Who would have thought a 14 year old would have been making gays dance all around the country. I will admit I do love the song, and I will shimmy to it when I hear it. Dont laugh though, you do too. Just admit it. So we finally leave the party and head over to the bars. I wasnt impressed with Nellies which is supposed to be a sports bar. There was nothing sporty about it. In fact ESPN wasnt even on any of their TVs. Nope, not one. Instead, the Bravo channel graced every screen, except one, which was soft core gay porn featuring two guys showering together.

So we left Nellies and headed over to Town. It was a nice club, that had a good atmosphere, and decent music. I was definitely drunk when I arrived, and by the end of the night, things took a turn for the worse after having an overall great night. So because I was 5 too many drinks to the wind, I made myself upset over something stupid and took it out on the bf. This turned into me going psycho as the boyfriend described and screaming at the bf like I never have before. But at the time my screaming seemed justified, but the day after I realized it wasnt. I went to bed that night actually being single. In all my drunkenness, somehow we broke up once we got back to the hotel, but by the time we both got up the next morning, we were back together. I am really happy we didnt break up over a fight I started when I was drunk.

So the next day, we did the normal routine. We all traveled to DuPont Circle to get lunch where we indulged ourselves in all you can drink mimosas followed by some shopping at Universal Gear. I got in contact with an old friend of mine from college who now lives in DC and he was going to meet up with me at the Ibiza. So now I had one more thing to look forward to that night.

OK, this is post is sort of boring, so let me just wrap it up like all you boys should during sex. Ibiza was great. The DJs were amazing. We had 5 hours of dancing even though it seemed like 10. It was a great experience.

Also, during this whole weekend, I met all of the bf's ex boyfriends. It just so happened that they were all in DC at the same time. I told my bf that I do have some insecurities when it comes to his ex boyfriends, only because I want to be better than them at everything like sex, better looking, more fun, etc. So anyways, I have only met and seen one of his exs who is his current best friend. So once I finally met the other two, it was nice to see that they were in fact, not cute at all. I dont know why, but it put some ease on my insecurities with them. I even told him that, and he couldnt understand why, and I am not sure why either. I guess I am just a superficial asshole. :)

So yeah, I had a great weekend minus the blowup with the bf on Friday. Sorry for the long boring post!

Not Good

I am back at work finally after being in the hospital for the past few days. I was finally getting some sort of treatment/scans done for my Grave's Disease. I will talk about that in another post. So last week I met with my HR manager and explained to him that I am not happy with my job and I no longer want to do it. I told him the reasons I dont think I am a good fit for this position, and so he right away offered me another job in Cleveland. It is still very similar to the job I would be doing so I havent told him I am not going to take the job, but I am just letting sit so I have more time to think about it. When I first set up the meeting with him I asked for everything to be kept confidential because I didnt know if this would put myself at risk for getting fired. I knew it was an odd situation because if I dont want to do my current job, my bosses would have to know so that they dont continue to waste their resources on me to do a job I wont be doing.

Well I came in the office today when I got a call from my HR manager and he tells me that he told all of my bosses that I no longer want to pursue my current role. I wasnt expecting him to tell them quite yet, so it was quite a shock to hear him say this. During our initial meeting he said he felt positive about finding me another job here. However, during our conversation today, he didnt seem as optimistic and hinted towards me having to leave the company if I decide to not take the job offered to me. So I dont know what I am going to do now. I cannot be without a job no longer then a month because I have no money in savings due to my high flow of medical bills. I have yet to hear from absolutely anyone regarding jobs I have applied for. So I am very worried. But I guess worse case scenario is that I have to take a job as a waiter until something comes my way. And if I dont have the money to still pay my bills I might have to consider selling my wonderful car and taking the bus everywhere. Gross.

So my stomach is in knots, and I just want to go home and cry. I wish I knew why I wasnt getting asked to interview for the jobs I am applying for. I am definitely qualified for them, so I just dont understand. Ugh, I dont want to be at work today.