My Head Met the Floor Today

Happy Post Christmas!

Ok. So I went to the doctors office again today after my cardiologist appt yesterday. Apparently my doctor believes I have an overactive thyroid. She explained that there is a chance I could have Graves' Disease. What she thought was odd however was that this is usually found in woman and not too often in men. Treatment for this can be somewhat extensive but I have some options. First one would be to just take some medication. Not a big deal. Second would be to have radioactive iodine put into my bloodstream. Not so much fun. The other option is to have it surgically fixed. Not my cup of tea.

I have scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist to get my thyroid checked out. Its not until the end of the month so I have a while sit and wait to see what is really wrong with me.

My doctor took more blood today from me to do further testing on my thyroid. Everything was going well and all the blood was taken that was needed. I had warned my doctor about the time when I gave blood that I have had a history of passing out. She took this into account and layed me down. Well I thought I was fine so I stood up and walked towards the desk clerk person to schedule my next appointment when all of a sudden I didn't feel so well. I told the clerk lady this when the next thing I realize is that I am on the floor with 5 nurses above me. Yep I passed out. I felt a large pain on two areas of my head. On my forehead and the back of my head. I remember waking up and just being so pissed at myself that I passed out...AGAIN! I have a permanent scar on my lip when I passed out giving blood a separate time and I fell face forward smacking my face off the floor causing my front teeth to go through my lip. So much fun.

So at this point I still am not sure where I passed out at. I finally sit up and realize I am in the waiting room with an entire room of patients looking at me. Slightly embarrassed I ask the doctor if I can be moved into another room while I recuperate. So she did as I asked. Apparently when I passed out, I was leaning over a desk window thing, so I smacked my forehead on the desk then fell back hitting my head on the floor.

I now feel like crap with the worst headache of my life. But it is all ok because I get to see my bf after not seeing him for a week. I am very excited!

Oh, I am also HIV-! Holler for me!

Kill Me Now

So I have been at my parents house for roughly a day and a half and I am starting to go a little crazy. I have been absolutely bored out of my mind. I have spent most of my days laying on the couch in our family room trying to sleep the hours away. That doesnt happen though. My 3 younger brothers dont allow that because their screaming and yelling over their latest video game. Yay for me. My poor mother is trying so hard to clean up after them as they leave their path of terror and empty toy boxes all over our quaint little house.

Is it nice to be home? Sort of. I think I have limited myself to only one day here though because boredom sets in at 6 hours. I went for two drives today to get away. I was reminded on my first drive that amish people are still real and are not a part of my imagination. I feel so bad for them this time of year freezing their little butts in their horse drawn buggies. My second drive was to WalMart at 1130 at night. Sadly it was closed.

I am counting down the hours til I get to go back home to Pittsburgh.

Celebrate The Yule Log

Did you all know that a Yule Log is also known as the Great Ashen Faggot?! I never knew what the hell a Yule log was until about 40 seconds ago. I always say Happy Yule Log instead of Happy Holidays because I always thought Yule Log sounded funny. Now I can say Happy Great Ashen Faggot. But for all those that still dont know what a Great Ashen Faggot is, its basically a big thick log in the middle of a fire, or in my case the middle of my legs. HO HA HO I am so funny.

Well I went to the doctors office today for my first physical in about 5 or 6 years. I have been having alot of health issues so I needed to get my butt to see a doctor. Well there are some definite things wrong with me. Apparently I have a really fast heart rate. I guess the average is 60-100 beats per minute and I am at 120 beats per minute. This is very unhealthy for someone my age. I also have some sort of tremors. My hands are almost constantly shaking and recently the shaking has been moving into my head and neck. My family has a history of Parkinson's Disease so I am really worried that is what it is. I am scheduled to meet with a neurologist in the next few weeks. I am also scheduled to meet with a cardiologist so he can to an echo cardiogram. I have no idea what that is, but as long as it is covered by my insurance I dont care. Hopefully everything turns out not to be a huge problem. I will be keeping my fingers crossed. I also got an HIV test! I am not worried for that though, I am not that big of a whore, so I am sure that it will be negative.

I am exchanging gifts with the bf tomorrow morning before he leaves me for a week. Hopefully we got me all the wonderful things I asked for. Otherwise he wont get any sex from me for at least 3 days. Well probably only for 2 days because I start to go through withdrawal if its any longer than that.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! Drive safe and eat lots of food. I will continue to blog starting next Friday once I am back at work.

Seasons Greetings,
Jeff

Time to Back Off

Many posts back I wrote that I realized that I am a clingy person. I have further realized that my needy ways were due to the fact that I hate being alone. I need attention or affection in almost my everyday life. I assume this stems from two things. One being the fact that I come from a very large family with 8 other brothers and sisters and maybe didn't get enough attention growing up. The second reason that this may come from is that I have never truly met my biological father.

A quick side note about my biological father. My mother and him never got married. I was an "accident" that wasn't supposed to happen. My earliest memory which I am thankful for was that last time I actually saw my father. At the age of 1, was the last time my father and myself came into contact. And I remember briefly that occurrence.

I am not sure if the latter of the two things really affect this but I at least no a lot of my other insecurities are because of him.

Last night the bf could tell something was on my mind. My issue came out shortly after having an awkward sex session. I wont go into detail about that, but the fact that I am always worried about other people, and in that case my bf, caused it. So after him being persistent finally got me to say what was really on my mind.

I told him that I believe he feels that I smother him. I don't think I give him anytime to breath or have time to himself for the most part. I honestly enjoy seeing him everyday. He is my breathe of fresh air. It is known that I absolutely hate my job, and I don't really like being at my apt because of my roommate and her 4 cats. So when I get to see him, it is the one positive thing in my life that I have going.

I need to start giving him the space he deserves. I don't want to ruin this relationship because I am not allowing him to have a life outside this relationship. I will probably attempt to not see him everyday like we have for the 6 months.

Honestly no one wants to hear I need a break from you and we need to not be so dependent on each other. I think he wants to say these things but doesn't because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He leaves on Saturday to go his parents house on the opposite side of Pennsylvania so we will be apart for that time. When he gets back is when I have to start to be more independent and understand that we need some on/off time for the both of us.

As for me, I need to start to find happiness and positivity in some other aspect in my life so I don't continue to strain what I have worked 6 months to grow.

1-18-08

I have had a new obsession as of late. There is a movie that will be coming out on January 18 called Cloverfield. It is supposed to be a monster movie similar to Godzilla. There is a ton of hype around this movie because the producer J.J. Abrams is the producer for the TV show Lost. Well something I never knew about that show, is that there are hidden clues throughout the episodes, which viewers can find and research them on the internet which will give further information to help figure out secrets on the show.

Well the same is with this movie. It all started in the first preview of the movie when it was shown before the movie Transformers. During this preview someone in the movie was wearing a shirt that said Slusho which led viewers who looked this up in Google to a site dedicated to the Slusho drink. After much research of the site, it led people to another site called Tagruato. Which led people to another site and so on. All of this gives a fair amount of clues and information about the movie.

Its pretty interesting stuff I must say. If you are a big nerd like myself and enjoy this sort of movie and website analysis, it can provide hours of endless entertainment trying to decipher information. Just thought I would share what has been keeping me busy as of late since I have absolutely no work to do.

Happy 6

I just got back from being in Erie all weekend with the bf and overall I think we both had a great time. We didn't do anything too exciting. I took him all over the city and went to all the big bars/clubs. He finally got to meet some of my best friends from there, it is nice for him to actually my good friends. One of my best friends Katie, has recently started dating a new boy who I have to say is HOT! I actually had a slight crush on him while I was still in college. He was in a few of my classes and was sometimes in the gym when I was. His body is a.m.a.z.i.n.g! She told me she really likes him, and is really good in bed. I told her I will have to be the judge of that. Ha!

The big Christmas party went very well too. A gaggle of gays in a big ol house. What better time can you ask for. I drank pop*also known as soda to you weirdos* all night which gave me a horrible stomach ache. I have mostly cut pop out of my diet except or the occasional glass here and there. It was very nice to see all the people I miss so very much. There is another gay couple that I am very good friends with that we got to hang out with , and it is nice to hang out with another couple finally. One of them actually reads my blog. Hello Greg! We went to lunch on Sunday before making the trek back to Pittsburgh, and after eating, the bf mentioned how nice it is to actually hang out with another gay couple. None of our friends here are dating anyone. I am not sure if that is my choice or not, but we would like to do dinner dates if anyone is interested.

Sunday was also the 6 month anniversary for the bf and I! And you know what we did to celebrate. Absolutely nothing. Both of us are a little strapped for cash since it is around the holiday season so we opted to not really do anything but relax at home and celebrate that fact that we got there safely. It snowed a ton on the way back from Erie, and as I said before, I am not very good at driving in the snow. But I managed not to kill us. Yay for me...and him. We almost didnt even have hot sweaty nasty man sex, but around 11pm, I decided to let him know I wasnt leaving without it. So we did it. I thanked him. He seemed mad because I didnt stay a little longer to cuddle afterwards but it was already 11:30 and I had a ton of stuff to do at my house before I went to sleep. So I left with the sense that I just had a dirty hookup, but really, it was just a sexual romp with my sexy man minus the cuddling. I went home fulfilled and we both slept a little better that night because of it.

Happy 6 to my man lover! Hope there are many more to follow. Muah!

Weekend of Snow

I am leaving today to go to Lake Erie today for a grand ol gay christmas party. My one friend from Erie throws an annual christmas party so the bf and I are attending. He is some big wig at GE and makes a nice chunk of money. He owns a large mansion which for the party will be decorated exquisitely. He even rolls out a red carpet to the sidewalk for his guests. This is going to be a great opportunity for my bf to finally meet most of my old friends whom I have all left. At this party he will meet all my gay friends and some of my straight friends as well. WooHoo!

I am worried this weekend isnt going to go as planned though. Supposedly, Erie is supposed to get hit with a snow storm that is going to plant almost a foot of snow on the ground. It is well known by all my friends that I am not the best driver. I have a lead foot and lots of road rage. I am even a worst driver in the snow because I one too many times put my cars in ditches along side the road. It addition to my poor driving skills, my car isnt the best car to take to go for a ride in the snow. Its a sporty coupe that just has all season tires on it. I counted getting stuck in the snow last year 8 times. Each time, my good friend Dan had to come and drag my sorry ass out of the snow with his manly SUV.

So with that said, if the snow is bad on Saturday afternoon I will be skipping the christmas party that night. I will be disappointed but I dont want to risk my life or more importantly my bf's life just so I can sing Silent Night around a piano surrounded by Erie's fabulous gays. Hopefully the weather isnt too horrible. If you dont hear from me in a few days, you know why. Hopefully that doesnt happen.

Which reminds me of this. Do you ever feel like you have an idea of how and when you are going to die? I actually do. For some demented reason I have a feeling I am going to die young. And I am going to die in a car. I have no real reason for this, but I have always felt this way. My bf hates when I bring it up, but I cant help it. It is my destiny.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Do Something Sweet for Your Sweetheart

Yesterday the bf and I planned on going to see the movie "The Golden Compass". I was excited to go but what I really wanted to do that night was go see the band OneRepublic who was performing at a venue in town. I decided not to go for various reasons and I was fine with not going at that point. However, after sitting in my bf's car on the way to what I thought was the theater, he asked me to get something out of his glove box with a mischievous grin. I knew something was up but I figured it was going to be something funny or the best way to my heart...something chocolaty. Slurp.

As I opened the glove box I awaited something to jump out at me. Much to my surprise nothing jumped out at me, but yet there was an envelope that said...."Jeff, Open Me" At this point I still had no clue what it was. Once I opened up the envelope, I was very surprised to find a OneRepublic ticket!

Now let me remind you that my bf even told me its not really in his nature to be romantic or do really sweet things. I am fine with that. It lets me be the romantic one in the relationship. But it is always a really sweet surprise when he does something sweet like that.

A few weekends ago, I awoke from a post drunken state, and uttered that I was in the mood for a grilled cheese sandwich and chips. This is not something new as I am always saying that I am in the mood for brownies or grilled cheese. However, this time that I said it, I actually got it. The bf got up out of bed and 15 minutes later he came back with a plate filled with grilled cheese and chips *which he stole from his roommate*. Once again I was pleasantly surprised. Normally if he is gone for that long he is doing some chore or something.

It makes me realize I haven't done anything exceptionally sweet for him recently. Looks like its time to do so.

Do something sweet for someone. It will make their day!

Songs of the Second

1. One Republic

Say All I Need

2. Jordin Sparks

Tattoo

3. Tiesto

Ten Seconds Before Sunrise

Tell Me a Time when...

I had my second round of interviews today. I went in initially nervous as expected, but soon realized that this will best set of interviews I have ever been on. I was only expecting to interview with 1 person but was soon told that I would be interviewing with 3. I had to fill out a paper application that literally took me over an hour. It asked the same damn questions over and over again. What jobs have you held in the past 7 years? What are your past addresses? I literally answered those questions probably 3 times. Finally my interviews came around and each one couldnt have went any better. I showed them my true personality and told them the real reasons I am trying to find another job. I explained my expectations of the job I would like and in turn they told me what they would have expected from the person receiving this job. They didnt ask me to explain a situation in which I was a leader or when I was in a complex project and how did I finish it. It was all very laid back and they explained the job, and I simply asked questions. Easy.

After it was all said and done the last guy showed me where my office would be. It was a corner office with huge windows overlooking the entire city!! After seeing that I knew I wold have to get this job. I should hear back from them in about two weeks. I will keep everyone posted.

He Looooves Me!

Its been about a week since my last posting. I apologize I have been out of the office for more useless training. So I have some good news. Well good news for me anyways. Last weekends my boyfriend told me that he is in love with me!! I definitely wasnt expecting it either. Actually after he said it, I actually poorly set the mood by telling him that he was lying. Well apparently what he said is true. Yay for me. It was a nice moment. We were laying in his bed canoodling like two little gay boys when he dropped the bomb. It was great.

It is definitely nice to know that we are now on the same page. I was definitely feeling as if my feelings for him were way too strong. And it sucks to like someone or in my case love someone when they dont feel that same connection. But knowing we feel the same way about each other is a good comforting feeling.

The next day we talked about the whole love thing, and he said that he was scared to have these feelings because every time he has felt this way he got hurt in the end.

Although I cannot promise our relationship will be forever, but what I can promise is that I would never hurt him the way others in his past have.