Thursday, July 19, 2007

Critter Creatures

I live in an apt with four cats. Let me repeat. I live in an apt with FOUR f%^kin cats. Yeah. And guess what...they are not mine. They belong to the semi-crazy cat lady that I live with. I never minded feline creatures until I experienced what it is like to live with four of them. Imagine FOUR cats running around hacking up gross hairballs that look like nasty shit. Not fun waking up at 6am to go to work and finding a nice hairball at the foot of your bed. Lets talk about the plethora of cat hair though that is found on every square inch of the house. There is not a ceiling or wall that is left untouched. I am not sure how cat hair finds its way to the top of my 20 foot ceilings, but somehow it does. Lets talk about the cat hair that has covered MY dining room table that I have to wipe away the hair before I sit down and eat my dinner.

Since I am the first one up every morning, the cats have been left without attention for at least 5 hours, therefore they are craving for some sort of attention. Which means at 6 in the morning, while dodging the newly yacked up morning hairball, I have to deal with all FOUR cats in my room rubbing against my neatly pressed dress pants, or jumping into my sink or bathtub*explained below. What is worse then having FOUR cats that live with you and they are not even yours? How about FOUR cats that think they own the house and that you are the pet. They dont move out of my way when I am trying to walk down the steps. Oh no. You have to step over them cause otherwise they will just lay there and get stepped on. Or when I am typing on my computer and they just come over and lay across my keyboard as I am in mid sentence. These abominations have made the house theirs, and I am frankly a guest within their cat world.

I may not be the semi-crazy cat lady who owns these retched 4-legged animals, but I know that by the end of this living arrangement I am just going to be the crazy cat guy who has been driven crazy by the FOUR cats that arent even mine.

Below is a short review of the FOUR cats:

Cat #1:
Name: Still dont know
Defining Characteristics: Enjoys licking plastic shopping bags all night long while I am trying to sleep.
Shedding Ability: Average

Cat #2:
Name: Midori
Defining Characteristics: Meows unbelievably loud when its hungry. Which is always!
Shedding Ability: Grossly Above Normal

Cat #3
Name: Lily
Defining Characteristics: Enjoys laying in my bathroom sink while licking my faucet. That Bitch!
Shedding Ability: Above Average

Cat #4
Name: Forgot
Defining Characteristics: Follows my roommate, the owner, around non stop. *Fine by me
Shedding Ability: Generally not bad

Meow

2 comments:

Busta said...

Seriously, cats are cool. We had four of them until one passed in April.

You got to get to know them and like them. They're really wonderful creatures and can be great companions.

JBGBC said...

I will also put you in the crazy cat guy category. Nuf said