if you havent had the privilege of visiting www.textsfromlastnight.com I recommend you go there now and provide yoruself hours worth of humor. As a sample of the fun that could be had, check out some of the "texts" that I found extremely worthy of mentioning.
(715): He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
(212): I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth. *My personal favorite text
(904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
(407): my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
(1-407): It'll hurt less than being alone
(925): we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
(508): he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
(410): In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
(503): At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
(810): Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
(253): i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"