This weekend I got a phone call that I am all too familiar with. For most kids, a call from their mother telling them that their dad wants a divorce should be devastating. However for me, I cant wait for them to actually go through with one. Every few months or so, I get the same phone call from my crying mother. And every phone call I tell her the same thing. Pack his shit up and leave it in the driveway. But, she has never took my advice, and I doubt she ever will.
For as long as I can remember, my mom and stepfather have fought like crazy people. They have been together for almost 20 years. He has truly been the only father figure I have known. He definitely hasn't been the father I would've picked to raise me though. Within a year of marrying my mom, he took it upon himself to discipline both my older brother and I. He didn't discipline us by putting us in a corner or grounding us to our bedrooms though. His way of discipline was through physical force. Being choked, kicked, spit on, thrown into walls, and punched was his way of letting us know we did something bad. Every few weeks or so, I would remember the same episode of disciplinary action. If I didn't get the "A" on my multiplication math test or I forgot to take out the garbage, I knew what I had to look forward to. My mother would stand by and do nothing but cry and after a few minutes tell my father that was enough and to stop. After he would leave the room, I would be sitting on my bed crying and in pain, she would apologize to me and hold me.
But even after all that, she never left him. She never stood up to him the way I would've wanted her to. She just isnt that strong of a person. It would just end up with him screaming and berating her. Even though I have never seen him physically hit her, he doesnt need to because his words cause much more harm.
This was my life. This was my life until I graduated high school and left for college. I returned one summer to go on a family vacation to the local amusement park, Kennywood. I forget how it happened, but he was angry, and shortly after leaving our driveway he sped off and almost hit another car right around the corner from our house. Both my mother and I demanded he stop the car and we both got out. Screaming obscenities at him as we both walked away, he got out of the car, and started to run towards me. I knew what he was going to do so I braced myself. But I was no longer a scared little 8 year old. I was 19 and was no longer going to let him get away with hitting me without me fighting back. Now, my Dad is a little over 6 ft and a very solid guy. he has at least 75lbs on me and it doesnt help that he is a black belt in some form of martial arts. So ran up to me and using both his fists, punched me in the chest and knocked me to the ground. He immediately reached for my neck and started choking me. I spit in his face and reached for his neck and started squeezing as well, and kicking with everything I had. With my moms pleading and help he finally got off of me.
That was the last time he ever laid his hands on me. But he never stopped treating my Mom like a dog. She says she only stays with him because she doesnt want to put my 3 younger brothers through a divorce and that she is meant to live an unhappy life. I think by leaving my younger brothers in the current situation, she is doing more harm than if they would separate.
For everyone's sake and well being, a divorce would be the best outcome. My Dad always threatens to leave, but doesnt because my Mom is now the main breadwinner of the house and he wouldn't have any money and would have no where to go. I hope one day, and one day sooner than later, she will wise up and do what i tell her. I know she would love to have the courage to do so, but I deep down inside know that will most likely never happen. Until then, I will shower her with support and try to build up her strength. Because no one is supposed to live an unhappy life.