Monday, May 11, 2009


Life is like an ever evolving door of relationships, conflicts, resolutions, love, losses, and bullshit. Anyone who lives into their adulthood can agree with this. I look at my life and know that it is not extraordinarily different than the average Joe. I don’t have any amazing stories or tales that really set me apart from anyone. I often wonder if most people feel this way.

My life can easily be split up into chapters. Each chapter can be easily started and finished each time I moved out of a house or apartment starting at childhood. Each move brought new possibilities and downfalls. Each move reminds me of how quickly life goes by and how quickly people become part of your life and then quickly exit. I for example have never had a best friend for more than 2 years at a time. I have my acquaintances and close friends to whom I speak to, but I don’t have that person that I grew up with that knows possibly everything about me. I have also never lived anywhere for longer than 5 years. It seemed as though as the 5 year mark grew close, my parents would up and move for one reason or another.

I look at my life now and wonder how this chapter will play out and legitimately end. This current chapter has definitely seen its crazy moments, good, bad, and horrible. This chapter started with me moving to Pittsburgh shortly after I graduated from college, starting my new life as an adult in a city where I was familiar but didn’t have any true life connections or friends. I came to find my bf shortly after moving here whom introduced me to people and a new style of music (Techno, House, Electronic) which I would later grow to love. It wasn’t until the past year or so though, that I began to make my own friendships outside of my boyfriend and his group of friends. Friendships are a funny thing to me. The way they evolve, grow, diminish, and sometimes eventually run their course. I think more people come into my life and I shut them eventually out because they do not meet my standards of what a true friendship should be. I try to see people for their best, but many times their worst attributes overshadow their good ones. You are only as good as the company you keep. We hear this a lot growing up. And it has always stuck with me. Hence why I try to quickly weed out the bad and shady characters.

Friendships are often the topic of conversation with certain people in my life. And we try to figure out the whole idea of what role a friend is truly supposed to play. I am not sure if I will ever completely figure that one out. I know I personally don’t hand out many second chances if someone close to me fucks up but I also try to give someone the benefit of the doubt at the same time. I was told over the weekend by someone that I am one of the few people they personally know who is just an “honest to God good guy.” And his statement really stuck with me. I wondered what would make him think this. Not because he was singling me out, but why out of so many people in his life, he surrounds himself with people who are not in fact “good people”. And to be quite honest, I wouldn’t consider him to be one of my close friends because he likes to stir up drama and is often very two faced just as many of the people are that he does hang out with.

I know I have a great small group of friends. I hang out with the same guys every weekend. I know I can trust them. I know they have my back and they know I have theirs. They are dependable, trustworthy, upfront, and fun. These things dont seem like much, but for some reason people who possess these things are apparently a dime a dozen. I truly care for these guys. And they know who they are.

I don’t know when or where this current chapter in my life will end. All I can do is hold onto the memories within it and focus on those and the present. I often realize I focus too much on the future and too worried about what is going to happen next. Sometimes I need to sit back and enjoy the chapter I am in instead of wondering when the next one begins.

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