One of them Days

This may sound really odd, corny, and possibly girly, but do you ever have days where you just want to go home lay on a couch or a bed and have someone hold you? I have those days every once in a while. I generally do most of the holding when laying in bed or snuggled up next to my man. I would be considered the big spoon or as I call it the tablespoon holding my little teaspoon when spooning. So its a little weird when i am the one who wants to be wrapped in someone else's big muscly arms. I had one of those days yesterday so I decided to skip the gym. But instead of being held I guess I opted for me being alone to watch Queer as Folk in my bedroom as the bf stayed downstairs so he could play his XBox unaware of me wanting to be in his arms. I decided not to let him know because he says he never gets to play the Xbox anymore so I let him enjoy it for a few hours instead.

I've been trying to get out of this weird funk I have been in. I accomplished that this weekend by not really thinking about my bills or other stresses, and in a sense ignored the fact that they were there by focusing on the beautiful weather. However, Pittsburgh is back to its normal self with rain and clouds which doesn't help either.

Anyways, I will make an honest attempt to keep from complaining about my issues when I know some of my readers are suffering from bigger issues of their own...such as having their car stolen. :( Because lets be honest, that definitely sucks.

Hopefully May will prove to be a better month than April. Here is to looking forward to a new month!

Cheers.

Decompressing

Man oh man, I feel like my life has been in a whirlwind of crap lately. I can't necessarily say things are bad, just stressful. I sit up late at night wanting all my problems and issues to go away and fix themselves so that I can finely get a good night sleep or have to worry about them all day while I am at work. It seems like forever since literally everything in my life has been going the way it should. In fact, I dont remember a time when it ever really has in recent memory. There is always something. It is like the mosquito that never seems to go away no matter how much bug spray you put on.

I have been having alot of health related issues as of late due to my doctor taking me off a medication I should have been on. The consequences of being off this medication include: weight gain *not the good kind, always being cold, poor circulation, chest pain, drowsiness all the time, troublesome sleeping despite being extremely tired, very dry skin which led to my hands bleeding, morning sickness, muscle pains, foot pain, and the list goes on.

All of these issues are from me no longer having a Thyroid. However the doctor screwed something up along the way and I was left to suffer. i started on my meds again today so hopefully I should see things getting better. Thank god, cause I need some sleep.

If not previously mentioned, I finally also filed the necessary paperwork to take my previous roommate to court. I have a court date in May which I am completely ready for and have way over prepared. Lets just say, I should have this one in the bag. I have been in contact with my legal advisory team comprised of friends whom are lawyers/attorneys etc who have all helped me along in gathering evidence and any paperwork I may need. They all said I will without a doubt be winning this case due to my documentation of everything.

Finances are a tad tight due to the previous roommate never coming through with the money that was owed to me. So I have to decide every month which bills are going to not get paid or just not paid on time. Which sucks but I am too stubborn to stop and ask for help from people who have offered to assist me. But I frankly hate owing people money therefore refuse to ask for it unless it is absolutely necessary. this is probably the most stressing for me at the moment. I hate being behind on bills, and I hate the annoying calls from companies asking where my money is at. I even told one of the companies that my previous roommate was holding it hostage and therefore couldnt pay. They didnt find it as humorous as I apparently did.

In effort to curb depression from kicking in, I look to humor to drag myself out of these situations. Which in terms of using too much humor sometimes have caused more issues. Some people havent been able to take too much of me and my weirdness/wackiness and get mad at me, even though it is my only outlet to make myself feel good for that moment. I understand though that after a while, I do tend to get annoying.

However, at least for this weekend, i want it to be stress free. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous....So I want my mood to match the sunshine. I am going to attempt to not worry about the things that are stressing me out, and I just want to enjoy myself in every way possible.

Well that should bring everyone up to speed for the most part. Next week should be less busy for me, so I should be able to blog more often as it appears I have neglected this here blog for the past few weeks. Have a great weekend!!

Can't Sleep

Sorry kids for my lack of posting, but work, health issues, and weird moods have prevented me from doing much of anything lately. But alas, I am still here, and I wanted to post something before you all thought I was dead. I will be able to hopefully get in a full post by tomorrow, filling everyone in one whats been going on. But until then check out this awesome song and video by Adrian Lux titled "Can't Sleep". Loves it!

Damn

I'm Sick...

Very sick. Everyone in my office hates me because they get to hear me cough and sniffle every 30 seconds.

I just want to crawl back into bed.

Easter was fun though despite have a serious head cold.

Not much more to report.

Ciao

Adam Lambert Does It Again

Once again, Adam killed his song on American Idol. I love every version of this song titled "Mad World" but his version is now one of my favorites. This was also one of the very few instances that I have ever seen Simon Cowell give a standing ovation for a singer that hasnt just won the competition. Go Adam!!

New Loft

Yes, finally i can provide you with a little glimpse of my life. I dont have many pictures of the new place, as the bedrooms and bathrooms were a horrible mess, but here is our main room and a peak at our dirty kitchen! You can't tell because of what a cloudy day it was, but behind those houses in our windows, you can see the skyscrapers rise above the rooftops. Its beautiful.

Jeff + Music = Fun

Pictures say a thousand words...

The Weekend I Needed...Almost: Part 2

After a great time in Cleveland came to a close, the bf and I made plans to drive an hour to visit my family because my younger brother turned 16 just a few days earlier. The trip is supposed to take only an hour, traveling mainly on highways. However, I must have used a different website to get directions because this time when I used Google Maps, it took me on all back roads! Which may have been a shorter distance traveling this way, but does not take into account the fact that it is mostly a maximum speed of 35MPH. Which basically means I could run faster than that. With dozens of stop lights, stop signs, and small towns to travel through, this hour drive quickly doubled and was then a 2 hour drive. Not fun when you have things to do.

Once we arrived though, things went smoothly. Nothing too exciting to talk about here though. At what point my mom and the bf got into a debate on Obama, abortions, and politics, to which i exited the room, closed the french doors behind and put pillows over my head. I cant stand listening to people debate on these topics anymore. After a few minutes I can hear my mom's voice getting raised a little because she gets excited, so i quickly called for their conversation to end.

The rest of the visit went well. We ended up being given a picture of the Virgin Mary because as my mom put it, "We needed something holy in our new place" to which I gave some smart ass comment which I was chastised for. I also was able to take some old baby pictures of myself to show to you all. So here is wittle baby Jeffy and then me at the age of 4. Enjoy!

After the family visit, we had to race back to Pittsburgh because I had friends from Erie, PA coming down to visit and stay with us. We were going to take them out to our new favorite Thai Restaurant and then take them out to the gay club because they dont really have one in Erie, PA. Even though the bf and I were extremely tired from dancing the night before and from all the driving, we still manage to appear bright eyed and bushy tailed for my friends. We all had a great time and once I get the plethora of photos that my friend took that night, i will be sure to post them.

The next day i decided to give them the grand tour of Pittsburgh. Taking them to all the hot spots so they too can experience why i sometimes love this city. It was a beautiful day outside, so i wanted to take advantage of that even though all i wanted to do secretly was sunbathe on my couch watching re-runs of Project Runway. But we all had a great time out getting fresh air.

So other than not getting much relaxation time in, it was great spending my weekend with friends who are all amazing people. And I think I needed that more than rest and relaxation.

The Weekend I Needed...Almost: Part 1

I had an amazing weekend which I very well needed. Due to my extremely stressful week, I was excited to go to a new city and get my mind off of the anxiety that Pittsburgh holds currently. The bf and I left a little late on our trek to our rival city in Cleveland, Ohio. Shortly after leaving, a light came on in my car saying the oil was low, which wasn’t a surprise because I know that the model of my car tends to eat oil the same way some sex pigs eat cum. Vulgar, I know, but I am in a weird mood today. So I pull off at a gas station and go into the store to find some oil. While standing at the counter a cute young girl walks in, probably in her early 20s. She was explained to the store clerk that she had forgot her wallet at her home 30 minutes away but her car was on empty. She asked the clerk if she could give them the numbers to a credit card provided by someone on the phone at her house so that she could buy gas. The store clerk said she would not be able to fulfill this request, and the girl stood there puzzled as to how she was going to be able to get home. Standing there, I had two thoughts run pass my head. I could do absolutely nothing, and knowingly leave a girl stranded at a gas station while she figured out who she knows that can come to her rescue to drop off some cash. I could do this and enact my no more Mr. Nice guy, do the right thing attitude. Or I could be a good person and offer her some cash out of the kindness of my heart because I knew how much she needed someone to step in and help her. So what do you think I did?

I paid up and offered a little cash so that she could get home. When I did this, the store clerk looked at me a little weird, and I said “Hey, if I were in this situation, I would hope someone would offer to do the same for me.” I handed her some cash, received a mercifully thank you, and walked out. And realized as much as I really didn’t want to play the nice guy, it is just who I am inside. If I am able to help someone out, I will do so. Because in the end, we help others out sometimes for no other reason, but to make someone’s life just a little easier. Even though I technically don’t have enough money to even pay all my bills this month, I will try to find some way to get through, and I knew $10 at that moment meant a lot more to her than it did to me.

Moving forward on with my weekend though, we arrived in Cleveland late, where my ex and his boyfriend were waiting for us to meet them so we could all go to dinner. I remain very good friends with all my ex’s and with this one is no exception. We stay with him every time we are in Cleveland and we can do so without anything getting weird. We have our nice little dinner which was filled with good wine, and even better conversation. The check arrives, to which I am waiting for the bill to be passed so that I can figure out what we all owe. However it never made it to my hands. My ex, who is very well off financially knew of the situation with my previous roommate, and knowing the burdens I am facing insisted that he get the check and I could get their bill some other time. And it is when something like this happens; I understand why I am friends with the people that I keep in my life. They are here to help when needed or not needed, and do so because they care. He later pulled me aside and told me if I still ever need anything from him, to simply ask for it, no questions or reasons need to be given. He is there for me because he cares about me as a friend. I nearly broke down in front of him.

Dinner ended, we went our separate ways that night, the bf and I to finally see Deadmau5, and my ex and his bf to see some local band play. I was extremely excited at this point, although a little tired, to get my dance on for the next several hours. And to say the least, the DJ did not disappoint. His music highlighted several electronic techno style beats which no other DJ is doing. This is attributed to his age, as he is only in his mid 20s. While other mainstream DJs are in their 30s and even 40s, they grew up during different music ages in the electronic industry. And it definitely shows. Due to the financial situation I was in I opted to not drink my face off, and ended up only consuming one Rum and Sprite and a bottle of water. And that was all I really needed. See the video below for the finale of his 3 hour set. If you like the song, it’s his own called Faxing Berlin (Piano Acoustic version).



We woke up the next morning, knowing we were going to go to breakfast with my ex and his bf again, at a cute place called Grumpy’s, although the wait staff is anything but that. We had our quaint meal, I picked up the check this time, and we were on our way to visit my parents who live roughly an hour away. Although that time span didn’t take into the account the directions I had printed off from Google maps.

…..Continued in part 2

Questioning Why?

Oh how the world would be a better place if everyone loved one another, always did the right thing, and truly cared about another persons circumstance. This world is something that is inconceivable to most because well most of those types of people do not live in the one we occupy. Most people are greedy, cold hearted, sneaky liars. Sometimes you encounter these people on a daily basis and never know what type of people they are. Sometimes you may be friends with these people. And sometimes you live with these people. In my case, it is the later of the 2.

I should’ve seen it from the very beginning. There were so many signs of something just not right about the roommate I decided to share an apartment with. She had previous roommates furniture, clothing, and electronics sprinkled throughout our living space. Excuses were given as to why they were there, however, it was known that each of these old roommates did not leave happily. Something happened that made them want to leave. But, she seemed so nice so surely it couldn’t be the person who I just signed an agreement to live with. She claimed to be clean, timely with bills, and getting rid of 2 out of the 4 pets she had. However, I would find all of this to be quite a front for the person I grew to know. Even without knowing truly the person she was until after I too left.

You have all heard the stories about my previous roommate. I do not need to go back and relive those with you. If you don’t know those stories, read through the posts and one will spring up here and there. Quite disillusioned with hope of something changing during my time with here in our apartment, I stayed. I loved the location, style, and affordability of this place where I lived for almost 2 full years. It had its ups and downs but any apartment does. As do the people who habitat it.

However, at some point people show their true dark colors. They show that they in fact do not care. They rely on excuses to get them through the rough patches or mishaps. Some probably made up, some possibly true. But excuses are the foundations for disaster. Too many excuses pile up and you find yourself not being able to find anymore. When this happens, there is nothing else you can do but hide and relinquish all contact with those who are affected by your sloppiness. If I learned anything during my time in college and in my professional life, it is to never make excuses. Be honest and take the heat. And do whatever you can to make sure it never happens again. Otherwise you will be alone when everyone is tired of hearing excuse after excuse.

Without getting too much into detail, my situation with my previous roommate has gone from hospitable, to bad, to horrible. With promise after promise of receiving a large amount of money owed to me, I now have not one penny in my pocket that was due to me yesterday March 31, 2009. It is no small chunk of change either. This was money that was needed to pay my bills, and bills that the both of us had acquired to heat and power our apartment. However, despite knowing that, she would search for an excuse not to give me the money. She found one. Not a good one but I am sure she was trying to come up with one for days. And she took it and ran with it. All the way to the bank with the money that is rightfully owed to me.

And you know what, its not even the money that bothers me the most. It’s the fact that she knows I really did need it. I was relying on this money so that I too can move forward with my life and not have to look back with any grudges. And all I got were empty promises and excuses. I tried to be fair, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I tried to give her as much time as possible to be able to pay me back when she could. I tried to do the right thing. As I always do. And it sucks when you need them for once to pay it forward that they cannot deliver. I knew what to expect from her, however, I never thought this was the way it would end. I know I am a good person. I really am. I sometimes wonder if she feels the same about herself; if she feels as though she is justified with every excuse and every empty promise, even though it is really affecting other people. I honestly don’t know how I could sleep at night leaving someone out in the cold knowing they were relying on me so much. What bothers me most is that she is actually capable of doing something like this to someone she has grown to know for almost 2 years. And she probably doesn’t even flinch when she thinks about it.

I tried to take every preempted precaution I could. I got things all signed or documented in some way. However, none of it made a difference. I now have been preparing the next stage in this battle. Good against evil if you will. But I have made sure all my T’s are crossed and I’s are dotted. I know that in the very end of this, I will come out on top. And if I play my cards right, come out ahead. I am seeking legal advice, to which I have already put much of it into effect. I have a few more steps to take and the next stage is quickly approaching. She is getting one last chance before it gets taken to the next level, and I hope for both of our sakes, that she finds it in herself to do the right thing. And that was all I basically asked of her from the beginning.

My very clear message to her is just this. If you are reading this blog, as you occasionally do, do the right thing. I am not the only one who suffers from your negligence. My amazing boyfriend suffers. Or the people who I have to borrow money from to make up from what you were supposed to give me. People who should have nothing to do with this, now are involved because of you. I have apologized for my mistakes with you and have sincerely meant each apology. I told you I don’t want to hurt you or ever have. I told you I have been fair and good to you from the beginning. I just ask the same in return. As a human being we all deserve that. Find it in your heart to do the right thing, the fair thing, the just thing. The Golden Rule almost always applies, “Do onto others as you would want them to do to onto you.” That’s what this is all about. That is how I try to live my daily life. I hope you can do the same. Even if it is just this once. It would mean the world to me and relieve huge amounts of stress from my shoulders. Return the favor and be a good person. That is all I can ask for.