Haha. Nope, no good news yet. And it has finally taken its toll on me. I have been a waste of life the past few days and I am breaking down and dont know what to do. I feel like everything in my life right now is broken, and I dont know how to fix anything. All of these things have been the reason I have not been posting. I am trying to not bitch or complain to anyone, even to the few of you who still read this damn depressing thing.
I cant help but cry when I reflect on my life as it is now. I had a nice cry session tonight in my car, and it doesnt fix anything or make me feel better, but in fact makes me feel more depressed. My depression that I am currently in, is a much deeper hole than I was in, lets say a few weeks ago. My hope for a new job dwindles with every passing day. This has given me thoughts that I should focus all my time on looking for jobs in other cities. This is something I have not been wanting to do, but it seems as though I may have no other options. I can get the hell out of Pittsburgh, leave everyone I know and love behind, and start a new life. This is an option, an option I dont want to take, but yet, I am trying to think of all the positive aspects of this, instead of the negatives, as this option becomes my soon reality.
On top of that situation, my health is going in the same direction as my job search. Due to my lack of health insurance, I am unable to take the medication to which my body has become accustomed to. Because I cant afford my medication, I have lost almost 10 pounds in the past 3 weeks. I am eating more than ever, working out more than ever, yet I cant keep up with my disease. This is a battle I cannot win without proper medication. I just hope this doesnt worsen into something more serious.
Tomorrow is a new day. I had a saying posted in my cubicle at work to get me through every day. It read "Every day is a fresh start", I am trying to look at each day one by one, and not look too far into the future. My future does seem not so bright going on what I know now, but I am trying ever so hard to not let it take me down. This is the hardest aspect of my daily thought processes. But life is what is it, no one can change it but me. So I move forward with my chin up, thinking positive, ready for all the challenges that lye ahead. At least I tell myself to think that.