Thursday, July 26, 2007

Men in Black

So a major opportunity has come my way. I have been writing about the fact that I hate my current new job. I have been contemplating looking for a new job, but I received an email today that might make my decision a little easier. So at a job fair many months ago I talked with the CIA about their job opportunities. I must have talked to the recruiter for an hour and a half and I left feeling pretty confident about our conversation. SO some time later I was offered an interview and what not. Long story short, I never took the job with the CIA. And since then, they have come to me several times trying to get me to work for them.

The opportunity has come again however for me to take a job with them. It would be for an Operational Logistics Service Officer position. Dont ask me what that means cause I dont even know. It would be based out of Washington DC, which is what for me creates the dilemma. I am not sure I am willing or ready to move from Pgh so soon. I am finally getting comfortable with the city. I have met a great group of friends, and obviously there is "the boy". I dont know if I am ready to relocate so soon after just relocating here! I know absolutely no one there, and I dont know if I want to live in DC.

So I am not sure what I am going to do in this situation. They basically said that if I pass all the required tests, the job is mine. So knowing that I can pass any test they throw at me, I have a new job if I want it. Since I have started living here as an adult, I have been seeing myself starting a life here. Not in another city or state. I started to believe that Pittsburgh was the place for me. But an opportunity to have a great job with the CIA may make me reconsider everything I have been envisioning. Now I just have to figure out what I want to do with this situation.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Weekend of the Unexpected...Part 2

It was a bittersweet weekend. Through the dancing and the fighting, my weekend ended both on two different levels of emotions. As I stated before I spent the entire weekend with "the boy". It was a great weekend of the both of us continuing to get to know eachother. We both agree that what we have going is a good thing, and we want to continue it. Neither of us put a label on the relationship yet, but we basically agreed that we wont be available on the market no longer. This for one excites me and makes me very happy. I am a relationship type of guy and from what I know, so is he.

So the downer to my weekend was one that was very unexpected. I called my ex, who has after our breakup has continued to be one of my best friends. We dated for 2.5 years and we still care very much about eachother. However, he is still having problems moving on from what we once shared. Which is ironic cause he was the one who broke up with me. I call him probably every other day just to call and check in, and catch up on what I am missing in Erie where I moved from. When I called he sounded sad which is pretty normal for him. However, he let me know that he cannot continue to talk to me because he is still not over our relationship. And him hearing and knowing about "the boy" was too hard for him. **Just let me note that I dont bring up "the boy", he usually asks. Throughout our entire relationship I always told him to do what ever he needed to do to be happy. His happiness to me was the most important thing in our relationship. His was put before mine or anyone elses. Still to this day I just want him to be happy, and thats only because he is an amazing person who is one of the most caring people I have ever met. So I tell him to do whatever will make him happy, as I have always told him. I told him that obviously the situation sucks for me, but if it helps him then I completely understand.

So I sit here now, 2 days after this conversation and I want to do nothing but talk with him. He was the one person I call when I am on my business trips feelings alone and depressed with my new job. Now I know that this may make it seem like I am also not over what we once had, which may partially be true, but that fact is, is that I know we werent right for eachother. In the long run it never would have worked. And he realizes that too. So to me at this point, it feels like I cannot talk to my best friend. For him it is a little different. I have been spending all day today relishing over the fact that I cannot talk to my best friend. Especially since it has been an emotional day for me overall because of other reasons. *Mostly because I am stuck in a hotel by myself watching sad TV shows on ABC.

Our friendship isnt over for now though. It is just being placed on hold. He just wants to have time away from me and my life so he can move on with his. I told him to call me when he is ready, and he agreed that he would. Ive been contemplating sending him a text message or something asking if we can talk already, but I know that would just be me being selfish. I really do miss talking to him already, I am assuming because I know I wont talk to him for quite some time and it really does kill me to know that. This does however, give me a great opportunity to focus on my life and the new people in it i.e. "the boy". This is a chance for me to let go of whatever hangups I might have with my ex and put all my attention on my future and not on my past. Hopefully the need to talk to him almost daily will slowly diminish and we can both make a positive move in the right directions, whatever direction that may be.

Song of the Second

Benny Benassi

Change Style

Im a Father, Married, and Gay

Ok. So my title isnt exactly fitting for my life as of right now. I am not married nor have I become one of the gay breeders of America. However, after just finished reading a book called "The Commitment" by Dan Savage, I know that one day, all though not too soon, I look forward to the day where I can say those things about myself.

I have a butt load of brothers and sisters. 8 in total. 4 brothers and 4 sisters. I grew up in a house where every few years there was a new baby poppin out of my mother. *Really gross to think about by the way. I have become acclimated to dealing with babies and watching them grow up to be the little pests that they currently are. I have always wanted to be a father. And I know I would be a great one. The thought of raising a child is something that I know is in the cards for me. I know that right now, I am not completely ready to have the responsibility of putting myself second and living my entire life for another human being, but one day*I am thinking around the age of 30, I will be ready to adopt or find a surrogate. That is of course if I have found the one guy who is right for me.

Marriage is the other thing I know I want. Obviously, living in the wonderful and free country that I have come to know and hate but still love, that right is no longer one that I am granted. However, hopefully by the time I am ready for marriage, a president will come along who will understand that when it comes to love and marriage, the important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself. But if that time never comes for me, I am not sure what I would do. Whether live in a country where my loved one and I are viewed as second class citizens, or make the move across the border to Canada where we would be able to reap the benefits of being married.

I have always wanted to grow up and move into the big house with the white picket fence, with a dog that chases the mailman, with my beautiful wife, and be greeted at the door by my child who has been waiting all day for their dad to get home from work. Although the wife thing is no longer an option, a husband*I hate the word partner, is something I now dream about. I cant wait to share myself and my life with someone.

I dont think that seems like a dream, but yet a reality that has yet to happen.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Weekend of the Unexpected....Part 1

My weekend was pretty much everything I thought it wouldn't be. Although it had many highs, it had one too many lows to call it an amazing weekend. Lets start off by talking about Friday night. Friday was one of the uneventful nights that started off with me getting drunk very early in the night during drinks at "the boys" house. From there we headed to Images, a bar I have never been before, and probably wont ever return. Nothing too exciting happened there either. There was a male porn star there that was getting a little to friendly for my comfort with one of the bars patrons. Call me old fashion but I dont find it necessary to see a man give/receive head and get a rim job in a bar. Call me a conservative. So "The Plastics" and myself walked over to Pegasus to which received a little makeover in which they moved the 21+ bar over to where the "Juice Bar" was. Once again nothing too exciting happened, "the boy" and I danced all night there, and I was still drunk and getting more sloppy drunk as the night went on. So it is quite natural for me to become very horny, and therefore I become increasingly flirtatious in all my actions whether it be ordering a drink, asking someone to move, or grinding on the dance floor.
That night ended in me spending the night at "the boy's" house cuddling as planned. :)

The next day we all went to Sandcastle as also planned. It was a bit too chilly for my taste but it was still fun. And I am finding that all this story isnt very fun or exciting so I am goin to jump right into the juicy stuff. Ok, so lets talk about how some assholes fist met my face on Saturday. Yeah, I wish it was the other way around but it wasnt. So I am at the afterhours club, which I really look forward to surprisingly. So there I am having a good time shakin what my mama gave me *which "The Plastics" have dubbed the Brian Kinney Dance, from QAF. So digressing, someone from behind me gave me a pretty good push in the attempt to make my Brian Kinney booty shakin booty out of their way. So being the asshole that I am I always just lean back and slightly give a push letting them know what they did wasnt acceptable. Normally it ends there. But not with this horrible, cheap aviator wearing wannabe gangsta diva. He shoved me right back to which I am none to pleased with. So we ensue in a little yelling match before he.....takes a swing. Yeah. During one of my Brian Kinney Dancing extravaganzas, this hoodlum just took a swing at my face. So he slightly grazes the very edge of my face, we will just call it a miss. So naturally being the ferocious Tiger that I am, I lunge towards this creature that has now taken off those horrible renditions of a pair of aviators *which I dont advocate people wearing in clubs...that look is sooo over. Anyways, before I can start to mangle this persons face with my hands I am pulled back by my friends at which point he swings again. And makes contact with my left eye. I am frantically trying to escape the arms of my friends so I can destroy this person*which I can because I have had formal training back in the day. And I am unable to break their grasps, which has left me screaming obscenities looking like a crazed mad man. So then I see this creature slowly back away smile at me and put back on those, ugh it kills me to say it, black aviators, and walk away. I then get told that I need to cool it or I am going to get kicked out by a security guard. Needless to say, I was pissed, and still am to a certain extent. No one has ever hit me before and has not at least gotten hit back. I have been in many fist fights before, all but 2 I have won. Those of course happened before I received my formal training in kicking someones ass. "The boy" really helped me calm down though. Apparently none of my friends saw him throw the punches as me, they just saw alot of movement of body parts. "The boy" said that if he would have seen him punch me he would have stepped in and started throwing punches himself, which I believe and appreciate.

So moral of the story:
1. Please lord DON'T wear sunglasses, especially cheap aviators, to bars
2. Have a written agreement forbidding friends to hold you back from pounding in someones face
3. Always be prepared for someone to swing
4. The Brian Kinney dance definitely works for me
5. Having "the boy" tell me that I was so sexy when I looked like a Tiger ready to attack someone was definitely worth getting hit
6. And this one has nothing to do with the story, but boy boys boys, please put down your popped collars. This isnt 2003 anymore. Ok. Thanks. Just a little FYI

There is actually more to tell about my weekend, but I am getting very tired, so I will save that post for tomorrow.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Weekend Wonders

Plans for the weekend:

Friday *Tonight:
1. Dinner with myself, possibly perogies! Yum
2. Mad Mex? Cant beat a $6 drink that will get you half in the bag
3. The notorious Pegasus Lounge where new friend #1 can find a cute boy
4. Afterhours @ Club Hot
5. Hopefully cuddling with "the boy" in my bed

1. Sandcastle. Its bring a buddy day so I get in for free since "the boy" has a season pass
2. Pgh Zoo perhaps. I get to bring friends and we all get in for free cause my company allows me too
3. Possibly dinner at my fav restaurant Eleven with "the boy"
4. Some random bar. Perhaps a straight bar then off to one of the gay hole in the walls
5. Afterhours @ Club Hot
5. Hopefully more cuddling with "the boy" in my bed

1. Sandcastle. *See above
3. Perhaps buy a hammock. *See below
2. Relaxation for the rest of the day.

Song of the Second

Kanye West



As part of my newly found hated job, I am required to travel and travel ALOT. I am generally only in my downtown office for 1 to 2 weeks a month at most. Up to the point that I got this job, I had only been on a plane once. I have always dreamed about having a job where I would get to travel and see new places. I have quickly learned that traveling isnt all its cracked up to be.

I hate being alone. I found this out shortly after breaking up with my bf of 2.5 years. Within two weeks of that break up, I was already seeing someone else. I love being with someone whether that is dating someone or just being in someones company. When I am alone, I cant relax cause I feel like I should be doing something. Which generally, if I am by myself, I don't want to do anything. Traveling for work, which most often is by myself, has forced me to enjoy being alone. I have to eat my meals without accompaniment. I have to watch TV and go to the gym with no one but myself. Although I know that this is good for me, it has definitely solidified the fact that I abhor being alone. I am not sure if that is necessarily a bad thing, but I know it isnt a good thing either.

I think alot of it has to do with the feeling of being wanted or cared for. I feel comforted knowing that someone cares for me and wants to be with me, and vice-versa. I enjoy caring after someone and doing things for them. It makes me feel like I have a purpose. And it gives me something to look forward to.


Shortly after I moved here I met a boy. This boy who will remain anonymous for now, has introduced me to all his friends who have so far turned out pretty cool. I have hung out with all of them on multiple occasions. All the friends that I have met through him are men. And gay men at that. They are all down to earth, funny, and I think we all just really click as a group. None of them are queens. Sadly, I enjoy a flamboyant gay from time to time to liven things up a bit. I am the youngest one out of this group, who some people call "The Plastics". Probably not a good thing, but considering my personality and my previous friends from back home, I think these friends are fitting for me. As I said, I am the young buck of the group. The oldest of the gays being in their late 30s and the average being in their middle to late 20s. I am of course only 22. They always feel the need to let me know that I am the baby of the group, by telling letting me know the latest sale on diapers and baby bottles. But I have a quick wit and always have a wise and equally lame insult to fire back.

So, this boy and I are basically dating but haven't put a label on what we are as of yet. Went on a dozen+ dates, and generally spend Thursday night through Sunday together. Thursdays always tend to be a good time. I am generally not a good weekday person to hang out with due to my job. I have to wake up around 6am and work a nine hour day on weekdays. All my friends knew at home not to even bother giving me the invite to go out on Thursdays because I always worked bright and early the next morning. But given the fact that I want to start to be assimilated into this new group of friends, and see the boy as much as I can cause I really like him, I have went out every Thursday for the past few weeks. And here I am with my eyes looking like little slits having the oh so hot puffy I was up til 3am look. This is me every Friday, and my co workers know not to talk to me for the first 2 or 3 hours of work because of this.

Our Thursdays start at a bar called Hemingway's in Oakland where we indulge ourselves with the special that includes $1.50 Coronas and Heinekens, as well as the half priced food menu. We all gather at 9 sharply and begin what I will call the "What I would do to that straight boy" game. This is where we all look around the bar and try to find the hottest straight boys and well, we say what we would do to them. After one to many beers we find ourselves going to Mad Mex for the infamous Margaritas where you cant have one and not leave half hammered. I hate it here. The Oakland Mad Mex is quite pitiful. Its amazing how a place like that can make every person in there to feel like a sardine in a can. Filled with smoke, drunk frat boys *which is not always a bad thing, and pushy college co-eds, it is my most unfavored stop of the night. We then make our way up to 5801. I think the Burgh's finest and most overpriced gay establishment. We pay for our 5 dollar beers and play darts while making ridiculous bets for the loser of the game. This usually involves someone getting naked or stripping, which of course never happens. My boy and I are always on the same team *how cute, but we both suck horribly at this game, so it never ends in our favor, but we still appreciate each others enthusiasm to play another game. Where we lose again and I get made fun of for being a the youngster playing darts at a gay bar.

This will probably be my Thursday ritual for at least the rest of the summer. During the fall, my boy has to start getting up early for work as well so that will most likely put an end to the Thursday drinking schedule, the "What I would do to that straight boy" game, and the losing streak that we both as a team share and look forward to every Thursday.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Critter Creatures

I live in an apt with four cats. Let me repeat. I live in an apt with FOUR f%^kin cats. Yeah. And guess what...they are not mine. They belong to the semi-crazy cat lady that I live with. I never minded feline creatures until I experienced what it is like to live with four of them. Imagine FOUR cats running around hacking up gross hairballs that look like nasty shit. Not fun waking up at 6am to go to work and finding a nice hairball at the foot of your bed. Lets talk about the plethora of cat hair though that is found on every square inch of the house. There is not a ceiling or wall that is left untouched. I am not sure how cat hair finds its way to the top of my 20 foot ceilings, but somehow it does. Lets talk about the cat hair that has covered MY dining room table that I have to wipe away the hair before I sit down and eat my dinner.

Since I am the first one up every morning, the cats have been left without attention for at least 5 hours, therefore they are craving for some sort of attention. Which means at 6 in the morning, while dodging the newly yacked up morning hairball, I have to deal with all FOUR cats in my room rubbing against my neatly pressed dress pants, or jumping into my sink or bathtub*explained below. What is worse then having FOUR cats that live with you and they are not even yours? How about FOUR cats that think they own the house and that you are the pet. They dont move out of my way when I am trying to walk down the steps. Oh no. You have to step over them cause otherwise they will just lay there and get stepped on. Or when I am typing on my computer and they just come over and lay across my keyboard as I am in mid sentence. These abominations have made the house theirs, and I am frankly a guest within their cat world.

I may not be the semi-crazy cat lady who owns these retched 4-legged animals, but I know that by the end of this living arrangement I am just going to be the crazy cat guy who has been driven crazy by the FOUR cats that arent even mine.

Below is a short review of the FOUR cats:

Cat #1:
Name: Still dont know
Defining Characteristics: Enjoys licking plastic shopping bags all night long while I am trying to sleep.
Shedding Ability: Average

Cat #2:
Name: Midori
Defining Characteristics: Meows unbelievably loud when its hungry. Which is always!
Shedding Ability: Grossly Above Normal

Cat #3
Name: Lily
Defining Characteristics: Enjoys laying in my bathroom sink while licking my faucet. That Bitch!
Shedding Ability: Above Average

Cat #4
Name: Forgot
Defining Characteristics: Follows my roommate, the owner, around non stop. *Fine by me
Shedding Ability: Generally not bad


Restless Leg Syndrome: Really Restless?

I have restless leg syndrome. I have suffered from it for many years. It keeps me up at night, and angers the person that sits in front of me at the movies with the constant flow of kicks to the back of their chair and sometimes head. It drives me crazy. The constant need to move my legs, because otherwise they feel like they are being crushed in a vice. Apparently some people including doctors believed that this is all in our heads. Wrong Wrong Wrong. Those people need to lay in bed with me for one night or sit next to me while I whither around in my chair. I sit here now typing this having to re-adjust the way my legs are sitting every two minutes cause I am constantly uncomfortable.

So if you ever see me at the theater, don't sit in any chair that my legs can touch, you WILL leave annoyed. You will be mad at me for kicking your chair every time I move, which is often. You might be even more pissed if I clip the back of your head with my heel of my foot. *Sorry, I know that sucks. With that being said, be nice to the person who does kick the back of your chair during those times, cause they, like me, could have the so called restless leg syndrome.

New Job Woes

So as previously mentioned I just moved to Pittsburgh a little over a month ago. I moved here to start a job for a large corporation. I found out I received this job while I was still in school and after learning about the position from their website as well as through interviews I thought that this was the perfect job for me. Well, lets just say that since starting this new job, that I have come to realize that I am doing nothing that I was told I was going to be doing. Because of this I feel like I have been misled about the position that I signed on for.

I graduated college still not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I was lost when it came to picking a certain area in the business world where I would start my career. Well when this company contacted me for an interview, *only a day after I submitted my amazing resume' mind you, I became very excited, because it was in Pittsburgh and that is where I wanted to move, and because it was for a large company. After doing a little research on the position they wanted to interview me for, it was love at first sight. It appeared that I would get to experience many positions and areas in the company. I would be thrown into some marketing roles, then some finance, then some management, etc. Then after 1 year of this, I would then get to pick what I wanted to do within the company. This was great, I was unsure what I wanted to do, and this will give me an opportunity to experience it all. Too good to be true. Let me tell ya.

I now sit here, in a horrible cubicle that I share with an overachieving brown-noser, doing what you ask. Well other than reading other peoples blogs, checking the latest celebrity gossip on, and reviewing all the news websites, I have been doing, well, nothing. I was assigned a project, a competitive analysis, on one of our competitors. I was assigned this two weeks ago and I have spent about 2 hours working on it. Yeah, its sad I know. My brownnoser cube mate has probably spent all 8 working hours working on it since the day we received the project. His is amazing, and mine is less the sub-par. I cant find any ambition to work on this at all. Not fun and definitely not good.

On top of hating what I am doing, the HR department here sucks. They have messed up every possible piece of paper that has had my name on it. Signed forms have gotten misplaced, receipts have been sent to the wrong people, and the list goes on and on. Once again, not happy!

So I have been struggling with this situation alot, and I am stuck here for at least a year *length of my contract. I am trying to make the most of this experience, but its hard when I feel that I have been misled and lots of interdepartmental miscommunication has been happening. But I believe everything happens for a reason. So I am sure that I will learn something from this experience but until then I will just suffer through it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Song of the Second

David Guetta

The World is Mine

Popping my Blog Cherry

Well after many weeks of reading other people's blogs online, I have decided to start one myself. I will be doing this for many reasons. 1. I need to find things that will distract me from my work while I am at work. 2. On the opposite end of that spectrum, I would like to help distract others who are looking not to do work. 3. Give people insight into my life. 4. Maybe help people along the way through my stories and advice.

To start off, a little about myself. My name is Jeff and I am a 22 y/o male. I am new to Pittsburgh, starting my new life here after graduating from college. I have been here for about a month and a half and so far things are going for the most part well. *My rants will come in the following days. I am a member of the HOMOsexual community. For those that live in a cave, that means I am gay. You know, I like people that look like me, carry the same tool set as me. You know what I am talkin about. Saying that I know that I will be receiving hate comments, emails, etc, and to those people I say thank you for taking the time out of your pathetic life to let me know I am going to hell, and should die of AIDS, because without you, I would forget those things. :) Just kidding of course, hopefully everyone that will encounter my page will be mature enough not to leave nasty things like that.

Just to make this very clear, I was not an English major, therefore my grammatical errors will not be sparse. Hopefully no one will feel the need to correct me on my ways of writing.

I would like to send a shout out and thank you to two people. One knows me very well, and the other one has no idea I even exist. First one being my good friend who wants to remain anonymous so we will call him Mr. Bojangles, his blog here: Mr. Bojangles has had a Blog goin for quite some time so check it out. He also helped me set this one up.
And secondly a blogger known as Joe.My.God. I have been reading his blog for about a month now, and it has been him who has given me the most inspiration to start my own blog. I would sit there in my cubicle 5 days a week doing nothing but reading his blog. I highly suggest it, his posts are informative, funny, and all too often sad.

So hopefully within no time at all, I will have a a great blog viewership, and posts that will keep everyone entertained.