Not Good

I am back at work finally after being in the hospital for the past few days. I was finally getting some sort of treatment/scans done for my Grave's Disease. I will talk about that in another post. So last week I met with my HR manager and explained to him that I am not happy with my job and I no longer want to do it. I told him the reasons I dont think I am a good fit for this position, and so he right away offered me another job in Cleveland. It is still very similar to the job I would be doing so I havent told him I am not going to take the job, but I am just letting sit so I have more time to think about it. When I first set up the meeting with him I asked for everything to be kept confidential because I didnt know if this would put myself at risk for getting fired. I knew it was an odd situation because if I dont want to do my current job, my bosses would have to know so that they dont continue to waste their resources on me to do a job I wont be doing.

Well I came in the office today when I got a call from my HR manager and he tells me that he told all of my bosses that I no longer want to pursue my current role. I wasnt expecting him to tell them quite yet, so it was quite a shock to hear him say this. During our initial meeting he said he felt positive about finding me another job here. However, during our conversation today, he didnt seem as optimistic and hinted towards me having to leave the company if I decide to not take the job offered to me. So I dont know what I am going to do now. I cannot be without a job no longer then a month because I have no money in savings due to my high flow of medical bills. I have yet to hear from absolutely anyone regarding jobs I have applied for. So I am very worried. But I guess worse case scenario is that I have to take a job as a waiter until something comes my way. And if I dont have the money to still pay my bills I might have to consider selling my wonderful car and taking the bus everywhere. Gross.

So my stomach is in knots, and I just want to go home and cry. I wish I knew why I wasnt getting asked to interview for the jobs I am applying for. I am definitely qualified for them, so I just dont understand. Ugh, I dont want to be at work today.