That Time of the Month

Well that time of the month is almost here. And no it is not that time where I leak and spew out blood and unused eggs out of my crotch onto a maxi pad. *Thank god I am a guy, cause that shiz is nasty* My deadline to find a job here in Pittsburgh is right around the corner. I will start to apply for jobs in DC and only DC for now. If I am not having any luck there, then I will look in Chicago, and if I cant find a job there I will realize I am a failure in life and move all of my belongings under a bridge and start my new life as a homeless bum.

This is not the outcome I was hoping for. I was really feeling positive about finding a job here. But obviously it wasn't meant to be. This is no longer funny or something to joke about. My life will be uprooted and placed in a different and strange city. Normally when someone moves they do so willingly. They generally want to go. For me though, its the complete opposite. I am very content here in the Burgh. Everything and everyone I know, are within a two hour radius from my here. I am just not ready to part ways with my family, my friends, and my boyfriend. These 3 things mean the world to me and to leave them behind kills me. Imagine living somewhere where you are happy, where you have the man of your dreams, and you are surrounded by family and friends. Now imagine that you have no choice but to leave. It sucks and its not fun.

It is a little hard for me to make new friends. I am very selective of my friends because you know how the saying goes, you are only as good as the company you keep. I try to not be friends with bad people, selfish people, or conceited people. This process will be a struggle.

My move will also mean that the relationship with the boyfriend will come to an end. This will be one of the hardest aspects of me leaving Pittsburgh. Its different if a relationship ends because of a breakup or when you know it isn't going to work out. But I am being removed from a relationship that I see alot of potential in with some minor tweaking. When you have love for someone the way I have love for him, something like this really tears your heart. Its not like there will be closure from the end of this because it is not as if it ended poorly. We will just have to part ways and be done with it.

The thought of all this, mentally and physically wears me out. I am hoping that during my job search in DC something will spring up in Pittsburgh to keep me here. I am not ready to leave everything I know and love. I see my future here, and until that future turns gloomy, I will not be ready to leave.