Best Friends Forever!

There is a big problem in my relationship with my boyfriend. The positive thing about it though is that it doesnt really have anything to do with him and I. The negative thing is that if I handle this problem the way I want to handle it, our relationship wont work. So what is this problem? His best friend/ex-boyfriend.

Alright, let me give the run down on him. He is 14 years my senior, and 9 years older than my boyfriend. They dated for roughly 2.5 years about 6 years ago. He was the bfs first boyfriend, and he ended up cheating on my bf a few times. But nonetheless they are now best friends. He's a smart guy, but you would never be able to tell because his immaturity diminishes any hint of intelligence. He is the ringleader for our group of friends. So that means if he isnt in the mood to do something, no one else is either. If he wants to do something, then thats what all of us have to do. No one else can have an opinion or input when making plans, because in the end, everyone just does what he says. When he is being an asshole, no one calls him on his shit. They just let it go and continue to deal with it. He has a big mouth and he doesnt like to keep anything a secret. The whole world must know anything he finds out. Which works wonders for me because since my bf and him are best friends, he knows alot of the issues the bf and I have and so he tells everyone else. He is very selfish, and in my eyes uses people, mainly his own friends, and they dont even see it. When he gets drunk, he lets his inner child come out to play and does so my screaming in people’s faces and making loud Woooo sounds. He is most peoples worst nightmare. Well mine anyways.

So now that you know everything you would need to know about him, let me explain my main issues with him. Because he know alot about my relationship with the bf, he does tell other people about it. Even in the beginning of this relationship, there were some sexual issues we were encountering, and of course the bf told him about them. I dont have an issue with this. Its his best friend so I would expect this. What I didnt expect is when we go to DC for a weekend trip and complete strangers come up to me and ask me about these issues that the best friend told them about. Not cool. Then there was another time when a friend basically told me that he had a slight crush on me when I first started seeing my bf, so I told my bf about it, who in turn told the best friend, who in turn told the guy who had a crush on me that I was saying that. Once again, not cool.

Normally when I encounter someone who is like him and likes to talk about my issues with other people, it ends up with them getting a nice pair of black eyes and a broken nose. Yeah I know this is in fact immature, but it was how I was raised. Stand up for yourself by any means necessary. And damnit there is nothing I want to do more now then to give him a face full of fist. But I cant. If I would ever do that, I know the bf would break up with me, and I would understand why. My only option if I want to continue to have a relationship with my boyfriend is to just deal with it. I have NO other option or it will never work between us. I dont want to put him in the middle, nor would I ask him to ever take my side. But I am just another boyfriend, and he is his best friend. Obviously he has a little more sensitivity towards his best friend. And it sucks. Because in the end, the bf would choose him.

This is taking a very serious toll on me. I have recently tried to be very friendly towards him, even inviting him over to my house, to drink all of my alcohol, to eat my food, to have a game night at my house. However he did something that shows he doesnt want to also be friendly back. I am now ditching the friendly act, and from here on in, I am going to pretend he doesnt exist, and when he is in my presence I will simply ignore him. But it appears this is my only option because it seems no one but myself was willing to make some successions, therefore this is the outcome. I am not sure what this means for the bf and I, but I refuse to no longer stand up for myself, and to be walked on by him like all of our other friends including my bf. I need to do the right thing for me, and I will stand up to anyone who questions my integrity and whom likes to talk shit about me and my private life.