Long Journey

Since last November, I have been searching for a job. All of you who still read this know this fact. You have sat here through all of my complaining and bitching. However, this will hopefully all come to an end.

I found out today that I got the job I have been wanting all along. Starting on August 25th I will be the newest Buyer for a large company here in Pittsburgh. My god I thought this day would never come as I have been waiting too long for it to happen. Its the job I want, the salary I want, and most importantly, its the 8-5 job that I miss so much.

It finely seems as though, everything is finally coming together the way it should. They always say, when it rains it pours. And that couldnt be any true than with my life. I was going through the roughest patch that I have ever experienced, but I have reached that light at the end of the tunnel that I thought would never come. My relationship seems to be back to the way it should be, I got the job I have been wanting, and now everything else will fall into place in time. I need my health to get better, which it will once I am back on my medication. I want to move out of my cat pee aroma filled apartment and get a nice new pad to live in.

What a long journey this has been. I cant say i grew a ton from it, other than I know how not to react now in certain situations, but I am glad this journey is coming to an end. My new posts will hopefully be back to the same witty and funny ways that they used to be. For the few of you who still read, thanks for sticking it out through the depressing posts, and I promise to make it up to ya. ;)

Finally

My goodness I finally have restored internet back in my room. That means no more jackin off to videos on my iPhone and also means I can regularly update my blog. I have finally been having some things take a change for the better. Things with the bf are actually going very well. He got back on Friday morning, and ever since we have been having a great time with one another. Things seem like they are getting back to the way they used to be. Which makes both of us probably relieved.

Everything else in my life also seems to be getting better. A job interview, some financial help with my heaping pile of medical bills, and an overall better social life have allowed me to start to get out of my depression. I am waiting to hear back from the company I interviewed with, and if I get this job, it is going to solve a ton of problems for me. So I am obviously, keeping my fingers crossed for that.

On a completely different note, I introduced my bf to one of my many pornstar crushes, and I was surprised to find that he was just as attracted to him as I was. We seem to have different taste in men, hence why I was a little bewildered. Have you ever heard of Francois Sagat? Well this hunk-a-saurus has an interested tattoo that covers the entire top of his head and his body makes me sick with envy. What do you think?

One Week

I am still without internet so posts will continue to be sparse for a few more days. I get connection with the world wide web starting Friday! As for what has actually been going on in my life, the craziness never subsides. Everyday new problems and issues still arise. The latest inner emotional battle has to do with whom other then the bf. Things have continued to not progress, and the trip to Rehoboth has definitely taken its toll on our relationship. Everyday we try to decide whether or not we should break or continue. He has been gone since last Thursday while on vacation with his family, and will return on this Friday morning. We were both supposed to take this week and try to figure out what it is that we both want. I haven't talked to him since he left, as I told him it is up to him to call me if he feels the desire. I have been telling a few close friends that I am basically going to let him decide where this relationship goes. If he wants to still work things out I am all for it, and if he wants to call it quits, then that is what we will do. I still want to be with him, and no matter how much fun I am having without him, I always have him in the back of my head, wanting him to be there with me. Friday will be most likely an important day for the both of us, as it decides if I will be newly single or not. I do feel as though I already know where he wants this to go. I am quite certain that on Friday he will want to end things. And because of this, I have been mentally preparing myself for this to happen so that it is not as quite a big a blow when the words actually come out of his mouth.

Absence

I am typing this blog on my new iPhone! But the fact that I got a new phone means that I no longer have Internet on my computer becauseu blackberry Internet for my pc. Because it is a pain in the ass to type ok this thing I will be absent from blogging until I get Internet restored. Maybe by then I will also have some good news to report.

Hotness

So I came across this video after a bar from Washington, DC tried to add me on Myspace. I have never heard
of the bar before, it is called Be:Bar. But once I saw this video I cant wait to go next time I am in DC. The video is a little hardcore and dirty, but I'm a little hardcore and dirty. So here it is:

Crest

Here is my crest...



via www.scionspeak.com

Songs of The Second

Most of these songs have helped me get through the past 2 weeks. Whether I was sad, mad, or depressed and throwing pity parties for myself, its weird how much I turn to music for comfort.

1. Woodale

Keep Driving

2. Better In Time

Leona Lewis

3. Seether

Rise Above This

4. Panic At The Disco

Nine in The Afternoon

5. Gavin Rossdale

Love Remains the Same

6. Lady Gaga

Just Dance

7. Boys Like Girls

Thunder

8. Hothouse Flowers

Thing of Beauty

9. Nine Inch Nails

Everyday is Exactly the Same

10. Morgan Page

The Longest Road (Deadmau5 Remix)

11. Rihanna

Disturbia

Wow

I got back from Rehoboth a few days ago and still recovering from the craziness that went on. It probably isnt the type of craziness that you are thinking though. Sure, I went out every night, drank too much, and had a good time. But the real craziness that I am recovering from is the type that includes getting into fights 3 nights in a row, and now trying to salvage what is left of the relationship that the bf and I now have. I wont go too much into detail, as I have told this story one too many times, and I hate to relive it all once again. So let me break it down for you.

1. I fought with the bf 2 of the nights we were on vacation. *Serious fights
2. During the fights with the bf, things got physically violent.
3. I threw and broke my cellphone which left me without it for 4 days.
4. I lost my unemployment benefits from losing the court case I had.
5. I got into a fist fight with my boyfriends best friend.

Hey, Hi, Hello! Sounds like a pretty intense week for me. And it was. One of the most intense and stressful weeks I have honestly ever had. I dont think I have ever cried so much in such a small amount of time. So where have all of these things left me. Well, honestly, I can sum up how I feel in one word. Depressed. I am depressed about how things were going for me, how things are going for me, and how things are going to be for me. I do have a glum outlook on my future right now. Things have been falling in on me for quite some time, and I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I know I am having a pity party for myself right now, and probably nobody wants to hear it, but it is my blog, and my place to have these types of parties if I feel the need.

So what do I want to happen for myself for the future. I want three things to happen.

1. I want to find a job that I will enjoy.
2. I want my health and medical situation to finally be taken care of.
3. I want my relationship with my boyfriend to take a positive turn.

Now whats great about all of these things that I want, is that I am able to control mostly all of them to a degree. I cant necessarily make them change without other people/individuals, but I have some pull on the scenarios. I am really working hard to make them change, so hopefully, they will happen for me. I think I deserve them to, and I really need them to.

Gay Zombies

Thought this was extremely funny!

Rehoboth Betch!

Well the time has finally come for me to enjoy a nice little getaway from Pittsburgh. I will be leaving tomorrow morning to take the 7 hour trek to Rehoboth Beach in Delaware. I will be going with the bf and 10 of our other good friends. We will be there for an entire week, and I am looking forward to bathing in the sunlight everyday on the beach watching all the gays walkin around in their square cut swimsuits and the lesbians walking around in their flannel tank tops. 7 full days of this! Cant wait to get my drink on, my dance on, and my tan on!