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Happy Monday People!

Moving on. My wonderful boyfriend and I had another great weekend together. However there were some instances where I felt uneasy about a few things. First things first. Saturday night was a boardgame night with all my gays and myself. Its nice to stay in every so often and skip the bar scene. So at a sex toy party a few months ago, I bought a game called Who's the Biggest Pervert. It was definitely a fun game to play, but when you have your current boyfriend with you and your boyfriends ex there, things come out that you dont want to hear.

My boyfriends ex is also his best friend, which I don't feel any jealousy or anything and he has assured me that nothing would ever happen between the two of them again. So I am completely fine with their current relationship. However while we were playing this game, the ex would tell stories about their past sex life. And not just any regular sex stories, but wild and crazy sort of sex stories. At this point I felt completely uncomfortable. I am not sure if it was jealousy or what but I know I dont want to hear about stuff like that. It sucks cause it was my fault it was brought up anyways because I brought the game.

The other problem I am having is that my boyfriend tells me horrible things have happened in his life. These things have effected him so much that he has lost that sense of sad emotion causing him to lose the ability to cry. Curious about this, I brought it up and he said he doesnt like to talk about it cause it makes him depressed. So I am not sure if it is me being selfish or not, but I still would like to know what happened to him only because maybe I can get a better understanding of why he acts certain ways or handles certain situations. I have opened up about much of my life and certainly I have had some pretty bad things happen in my life as well. But I feel that if i want to fall in love with someone I want to know all about them. I know I dont want to push the subject, so hopefully he will decide to open up a little more cause I am really falling for him.

Body Dismorphia

Before I moved to Pittsburgh I was going to the gym roughly 4-5 days a week. I had made a new years resolution to gain 15 lbs of muscle by years end. I had gained 7lbs and was very happy with the results thus far. Since moving here, I have lost all of that 7lbs of muscle and have returned to my original body size. However, I am starting to get the very unwanted flabby stomach. Now I am by no means fat, I am 5-10 and weight about 145. So technically it wouldnt hurt for me to gain a few. I need to get my ass to the gym. The bf has seen some pictures of me at my best physical state, and he brings it up sometimes about how good I looked then. So not only do I want to look good for myself, but look good for him too. Cause lets be honest, when you are really attracted to someone, the sex is always better.

The bf is unhappy with his body as well. He goes to the gym 5 sometimes 6 days a week. He skipped all of last week, and now complains to me about how unhappy he is with his body. He has pecs, nice stomach, muscular arms, but to him he feels fat. I think he still looks great, and I dont notice anything different anyways.

A friend of mine who is a girl, has one of the most extreme cases of body dismorphia that I have seen. I feel so bad for her and want to help her but I am not sure how to. She is not your 100lbs female. She is 5-11 and does have a few extra pounds on her, but definitely wouldn't be considered fat or anything. I feel for her because she constantly feels that people are looking at her in disgust. She refuses to wear any shirt that show her arms, so she is always in a long sleeve shirt or a jacket. We would go to bars where it would be 90 degrees inside and she would be standing there in a coat refusing to take it off. I advised her to seek counseling so hopefully she will take my advice.

I hate that everyone is their own worse critic. I wish I could learn to just be happy with the way I look. But until that day I will call myself fat and always strive to have an A+ body.

On the second date you rent a UHaul

I was at the mall yesterday buying a new pair of dress shoes because mine broke yesterday when I decided to walk from my downtown office to my home in the North Side. I guess Steve Madden shoes are not meant for long distance walking. Anyways, while at the mall with the bf, we ran into one of his friends who I have met once before. She is a very well known girl to business people in Pittsburgh and recently has had an epiphany that she is gay. She now has a girlfriend who she started to see around the same time that the bf and I started dating back in June. Much to my surprise, they are already living to together. My man and I have talked numerous times saying that we would want to wait for about a year or so before we would go so far as to move in with each other.

I moved in with an ex only after 4 months of dating. We were together for two and half years. So its not like moving in so soon is a horrible thing. I know that it is much riskier when you co-habitate, because if a breakup were to happen, someone has to move out and its a big pain in the ass. But honestly for me, I could easily see the bf everyday and enjoy it. We have basically spent the last 7 days together already and I am sad because I don't get to see him tonight. Its just hard though because I don't know if he is ready for a break from seeing me so often.

My question is, how long is an appropriate amount of time before a couple should move in together? I don't think there is an exact length of time, but shouldn't one be worried about making that type of commitment so soon. Or at least have some sort of backup plan if things go sour. I need to start thinking about this, because once I get a new job and get acclimated to it, I want to find a new place to live, and as much as I would love to live by myself, financially it isn't smart for me to do so. And what would be greater than living with the person you can't get enough of.

So as my bf's friend said*And I am probably misquoting horribly, "For Lesbians, on the second date you get the UHaul, and the third date you get the ring. For gay men, the second date you screw for the second time, and the third date you look to find someone new."

Maybe I am a lesbian then.